Hi Texas man. I am 32/F and I have some -hard- advice for ya. It's not easy, it won't be fun, but it will work, guaranteed.
My parents sheltered me too, as well as I have a friend in New York who is 34 and he is also extremely sheltered. I have a LOT of experience with trial and error in these sort of situations.
requirements of my church is to be respectful to your parents
There is a difference between respect and 'being an eternal and controlling slave'. Your parents aren't respecting YOU. This is a toxic relationship, and you need to get out. I know that that's not the answer you want to hear, but it is the right one. Look up narcissistic personality disorder. Not just the term, but research it. People will lie and manipulate you to make you feel like you deserve to be locked up, to be limited, etc. Any therapist will tell you a HEALTHY relationship is one where you dont have to walk on eggshells, and it is a TWO WAY STREET WITH RESPECT! You respect them and they respect YOU TOO!
Even if they feel you are "not ready" for a relationship, it is NOT their duty as PARENTS to limit you, but to FOSTER you! To encourage you! Remember the magic school bus? Time to take chances, make mistakes, and GET MESSY! That is TRUE!
Look at the story of the spray called "409". It's called 409 because they MESSED UP 408 times!! ! We're human! We're ALLOWED to mess up! We're SUPPOSED to mess up. If we DIDN'T mess up, we wouldn't be human! Your parents should WANT you to mess up, because it means you are ambitious, you are learning, you are growing, you are exploring!!
You didnt learn to walk without falling many times! None of us did!
I dont want to live with my parents anymore but its either be homeless on the streets or be locked up for the rest of my life in a state institution because they refuse to pay for my care and I am currently unable to work.
You're over 18, which means they dont -HAVE- to pay for your care. But that's the cool thing about being an adult. You can pay for your own care! Even if you can't work. Find a disability lawyer that works "for free", and by free, i mean "they will take a portion of the back-owed money the government gives you when you are accepted for disability". So, for example, if you are back owed 21 years worth of disability... which may give you, (lets say) 20,000$, they may take $2,000 of it as payment. So you now have $18,000 more and never had to pay anything up front. Look up terms such as "Pro bono disability lawyer" "No Fees Unless Approved" etc. Feel free to shoot them an email! Even ask on your local groups if they know of anyone, post on reddit. There are A LOT of resources out there. Most of them suck, but you never know when you might find a diamond in the rough! Applying for disability isn't as scary as it sounds. Your lawyer will do all the hard parts. You just need to tell them how your disability affects your life, and they do the rest. Plus even if you do get on disability, you ARE allowed to work still, as long as you make under a certain amount of $$, so if you wanted to get a super part time job washing dishes or something, you still can!
Also, i didnt read through the whole post, but i wanted to know what is it that prevents you from getting a job? For me it's the people. The people are very mean to me, but I know plenty of autistic people that do hold jobs just fine. I have a social disability... but only in real life! Online I am fine! It's a curse!
Do you have any skills at all? Web design? Graphics? art? voice acting? Can you do or learn 3d modeling in blender? Sites like fiverr.com you can make your own money and care for yourself! 3d modeling you can learn in about 6 months (I did!) and you can find people that will pay $100-300 per model, and up to $1000 or more if you can sculpt! I can throw a regular model together in about an hour! If you're good at that, it can pay SO WELL! Look at learning new skills on youtube! You never know what you might be good at if you havent tried! Maybe even something like going to thrift stores and reselling stuff on ebay or locally on facebook? Do you like video games? Start a twitch!
No woman wants to date me without a job
FALSE! The right woman will see that as an orange flag, but it is not a deal breaker! You have a misconception about what women desire! That is... a nice brain! Everything else is optional!
So, here's what I want you to do:
-I want you to keep in mind, you are a legal adult. Your parents do not own you, you are a human being and you deserve respect as a human being. This includes adult things and relationships!
-Talk to a disability lawyer. Get the ball rolling for your own income! This process usually takes years, but you know what? Better to start now rather than later when you're actually homeless!
-Get your own bank account, without your parents on it. You dont need their signature or permission or anything. Just bring in your id. Some banks will give you even free money for setting up a bank account!
-If you have any skills for fiverr, set up a fiverr account and try to market them! If you dont, try to learn some! See what other people have as skills and look up tutorials on youtube!
-Have you considered embracing the homeless life? There are plenty of people who dont want to be a slave to property taxes and etc! People have converted vans into living spaces, with small, efficicent showers, toilets, etc. Or live in a motorhome!
-Go to your local DHS (Department of human services). Sign up for the state medical insurance and GET YOURSELF A SOCIAL WORKER! They can help you navigate a lot of things as an adult that may be hard for you, like how to get an apartment and stuff especially when you are fed stories from your parents that may not be the most healthy!
-TALK to your social worker about your dreams and goals! Getting an apartment, learning how to go shopping without anxiety, getting a gf, etc. I dont know your personal problems, but they can help you! My friend is low functioning and he even has his own apartment by himself! The state pays for it! GET INTO THAT DHS! They have money for you! they have so many programs!
-Remember everything is free on the internet! You definitely dont need a credit card for dating sites or whatever. There is an EXCELLENT app called "Hiki" that is DATING ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM SPECIFICALLY! It is a MUCH more relaxed and casual environment than traditional dating sites! (Plus I can tell you, as having been a girl on dating websites since 2001, as well as a manager of a store where girls would talk to me.... that they ABSOLUTELY DO NOT work, and they are 99% a hookup tool for local casual sex!) (Please dont do this!)
Keep in mind that with any social media, there STILL is drama, but you need to learn to look away from it instead of start of contribute to it! That's important!
-I want you to talk to girls online and do research to find out what they ACTUALLY value. It will vary from girl to girl, but to get some REAL opinions out there of what they want will help get rid of those misconceptions in your head!
Here's some of the stuff I value in a guy/girl:
-Able to problem solve
-Able to remain calm in tense situations
-Able to make smart decisions and think for themself
-It helps if they are funny and can make me laugh
-As an asexual, i prefer if they do not make any sexual advances/talk at me until I am ready. (That includes "hey beautiful". That is VERY scary to me!) Keep the conversation.... chill. Like one you'd have with the bros!
-I love when a guy can hold a conversation. I dont want to hear "Whats up?" I want to hear "OMG YOUR FAVORITE ANIME IS ACCHI KOCCHI!! Mine too! have you heard of Naitou!?!? It's a similar innocent slice of life story thats soooo cute!"
-I want you to join a community of something you value as a hobby. I have met more guys in MMOS and online games that I have been WAY more interested in than any dating site. Dating site guys are desperate and creepy! I just want to chill with the bros!
-Dont make the community you join ABOUT the dating. Let it come naturally. I don't know if you play MMOs or video games, but lets say, you are going fishing! You would reallly really like the super rare fish (girls), but they are rare! So if you go fishing for the super rare fish, you are going to get burnt out REALLY easy and frustrated... So go fishing for the little fish, and celebrate every fish (friends), and every uncommon fish (best friends)! Make it a GAME to collect the uncommon fish. Your mind will be so happy collecting uncommon fish that when you DO get a rare fish, you will be pleasantly surprised instead of constantly disappointed!
Remember that deep down we are all monkeys that just want the happy!
Whew, that was a lot. If you want any more advice on girls, how to talk to them, what not to do, or anything else, feel free to DM me. I dont check this a lot, so hopefully it shoots me an email if I get a DM!
Good luck my man! You deserve great things <3
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-Cait-
15 Oct 2021, 3:16 am
