Would you date me if I were at my goal weight of 140?

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Usually the body shape is used for figuring out what clothing fits best, not a measurement of how fat a woman is. The apple shaped women if overweight will be fatter in the areas you mention but is not going to get a different body shape by losing weight. The apple shaped women cannot make their body pear shaped anymore than pear shaped could make their body apple shaped and neither of them can change to the hourglass shape and so on...essentially you're kind of stuck with your body shape. So it wouldn't be a very good use of ones time to focus on changing their body shape since that would be like holding yourself to an unrealistic standard.

That hasn’t been my experience with goths at all.
Then again I wasn’t even alive in the 70’s (I am a 90’s kid) so maybe there were/are different folks in the subculture when I was a teen and now compared to the 70's.

While I am, as I mentioned before, not a goth myself I have come into contact with a lot of them during the years since they shared the limited alternative spaces that existed in the town I grew up in back then so there were quiet some goths in the metal pub I used to go to on a regular basis and they just integrated fine, listened to and talked about music with us and had fun. You also often run into them at events like medieval markets for instance.

It is also important to keep in mind that under the umbrella of goths there are a dozen different types, different music, different styles etc. You have for example romantic types who are often into everything Victorian and have romanticist values (far from nihilism) then you have Cyber-Goths (not nihilistic either but entirely different), there are worlds between those.
Same with metal. It ranges from power metal to black metal. The nihilism stereotype would definitely, actually fit the second wave of black metal specifically very well but when one applies it to a musician or fan of the subgenres of power metal or folk metal for instance it becomes entirely baseless and ridiculous even.

Subcultures also, like any cultures, change and grow throughout time and with the new people who influence them.

At the risk of being pedantic, I think that it is possible to be nihilistic without necessarily being cynical. Personally, I don't believe that there is one true meaning to life, I think that it lacks an inherent meaning and it's what we do that which defines our life to an extent, outside of factors out of our control. A positive take on nihilism could be that meaning is relative. Whereas cynicism is the belief that people are inherently motivated by selfish gain / self-interest and cynical people have a general distrust of humanity and are sceptical of the sincerity of others and perhaps even themselves. This begs the question, if life is meaningless, then what motivates others to not act for selfish reasons? A simple answer to that is it feels bad. Which could be interpreted as selfish, but this could still be a positive if it leads to positive actions in the world. However, if you define that as selfish, then the question becomes what counts as selfless or if any action can truly be considered completely selfless. That's a little off-topic though.

Back to the topic, I agree with Sweetleaf, body shape should be used to figure out which clothing fits best. For the most part, it is largely unchangeable. To focus on it too much would be self-destructive. You can lose or gain weight by making changes to your behaviour, but fat distribution is outside of our control outside of perhaps plastic surgery. It varies depending on factors such as height and general body development. So the main focus should be making sure you are healthy (both mentally and physically). There is no one size fits all look for a healthy person as it will vary depending on relevant factors.

Why do you believe that you have no genuine personality? Could this perhaps tie in to your depressed state? How long have you felt this lack of identity? I used to feel a similar way when I was in a depressed state several years ago. What do you find emotionally attractive about the guys you fall for?

The "meaning in life," is what you, as an individual, make of it. With or without the input of others.

No, I don't believe there is one "meaning of life." Just like there is no one "truth."

What motivates me to do good things? Primarily the pleasure in being able to help a person other than myself. In my value system, people who are able to help others out of say, homelessness, are better than people who only help themselves. I am somewhere in the middle, wishing I was on the side of total altruism.

I can't tell if I would date you, the OP----unless I met you in person.

For me, this would be a deal-breaker. I'd rather have someone who is unapologetically themselves, rather than trying to present an image to appeal to a potential partner.

Although given that you mention "guys", you probably wouldn't be interested in dating me anyway.

Yeah ...thats way to heavy.....5'3" needs to be at least 120 pounds, ideally 100-110. 126 pounds is okay maybe if your like 5'6. 140 pound, seems a bit on the heavy side, unless you got that height distribution (5'9+).


ok i'm done objectifying physiques now.....btw i stole your minitext gimmick..only i do it better

Not true. Their skeletons are almost identical, real body shape defined by skeletal muscles is covered by body fat in both cases. Both can lose excess fat, improve tone of core muscles to achieve slimmer waist and build more muscles where they want more volume to achieve body shape very close to "unrealistic" hourglass standard.

That is a bit of a simplistic view on nihilism in my opinion. It’s more than just believing there is no inherent, objective meaning of life and that everyone defines their own purpose. Strictly applied nihilism often refuses the concept of ethics, law and values especially but not merely on a societal level altogether. A nihilist doesn’t necessarily care to give themselves an individual meaning of life or values in life either.
Second wave black metal and the scene around those musicians is actually a pretty vivid example of lived nihilism that is not positive and doesn’t give itself values, ethics and meaning to live by but by celbrating a lack of it.

I definitely agree that cynicism and nihilism aren’t the same thing though! A cynic may or may not actually be very sick of nihilism and identify nihilism as a negative trade. Cynicism more often goes hand in hand with some flavour of misanthropism than nihilism.

Smaller is not better

It breaks my heart reading this. You don't deserve to feel this way. I hope you learn to love and value yourself.

There are lot of guys who like bigger women, or don't really mind weight either way. I've dated plus-size women before. If you're fun, intelligent, and have interesting conversation, I'd date you. Pretty eyes and hair are a plus too.

What's holding you back isn't your weight. It's your confidence/self-esteem and the depression.

And you need to put yourself in more situations and social events where you can meet guys with similar interests; maybe you're not looking in the right places



I don't agree with categorizing people into archetypes. Just because someone is an athlete/jock, doesn't automatically mean they're dumb/plastic/fake/superficial. Just because someone is a goth, doesn't mean they're intelligent or have interesting/nuanced opinions.

Looking exclusively for a specific type of person (aesthetically) is restricting your options. In many cases, people fall in love and have deep chemistry with people who may not have seemed like their type at first. It's not always about how you look/dress, but on how you both connect on a personal and romantic level.

I don't either but everyone does.

Sounds like you've heard that before...Maybe you hear that a lot.

Nope.  Never.  Although YOU may have.

Good point. It's one thing to understand what something is on a basic level in theory, but it is another to understand how it is applied in the real world. Admittedly my understanding of philosophy is only on a surface level. I do not know anything about black metal or the musician scene surrounding it, I've never had much of an interest in metal and I've never looked into lived nihilism either. Misanthropism and misanthropy are useful terms, I've learnt something new today. Perhaps may come in use in future conversations.

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On an unrelated note, I think that this talk of body types seems a little lacking. I know the examples of a pear and an apple are to show the differences between top-heavy weight distribution compared to bottom-heavy weight distribution but there are more female body types than that. Personally I have a rectangular body shape. Names vary and so does the number of categories depending on how detailed you want to get, but generally speaking these are the main categories I typically see in fashion guides:



I have a lean body with narrow hips and a lack of curves. Combined with my tall height, I have a rather lanky appearance. I'm often consistently on the low side of a healthy weight, occasionally slipping into underweight. At 5'8, I naturally weigh more than a 5'3 woman. Frankly I could do with gaining a bit more weight, but I've always struggled with that. However, my fat usually goes to my thighs and calves it seems rather than my hips. I don't mind having a rectangular body though. Men and women both find me attractive and I get asked out a fair amount. I'm not my type, but I'm clearly some people's type. Then there's torso length as a factor, some people have a short torso whereas others have a longer torso. Personally I have a short torso. I'm no expert in female body types though I'll admit. So I dispute the idea that a woman has to have an hourglass or pear body to be attractive to others. Especially as a lesbian who finds a variety of female body types to be attractive. I would say that I tend to find women with a larger chest to be more attractive on a personal level, but that's not a deal breaker and there are obviously more factors than just body type that makes someone attractive to me. Whereas I have a small chest. Body types aren't everything. There are plenty of other factors.

i agree.

me too.

me too.

i agree.


me too.

i agree.

i agree.

You could hardly call this skunk boring.

Regardless, you aren't my type.