Is looking for autistic women a realistic option?

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Benjamin the Donkey
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08 Mar 2022, 10:08 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
You've been pretty darn lucky, Donkey! :)

I've ALWAYS had to make the first move. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed----and I'm short and chubby, besides....

I envy your confidence! The few times I did try to make the first move, I ruined it through hopeless awkwardness, bad timing, or saying the wrong thing, so I gave up on that. I do much better when responding to someone else's initiative. Plus, I've never had enough arrogance (or just confidence) to imagine that a stranger would want to talk to me unless she clearly indicated it.

I suppose I have been luckier than many. But it's clearly the case that some women are willing to start things.


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kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2022, 10:14 am

I'm just not the type who inspires women to want to "start things" with me.

And I feel rather weird if a woman starts being forward with her romantic overtures. All sorts of feelings enter into my mind.

Sadie Hawkins Day is ideal for you :)



dorkseid
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08 Mar 2022, 11:07 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
But I've consistently advised dorkseid to get out of that desolate region and move to a major city where people are more open-minded and accepting of differences.


I fully agree. I've desperately been wanting to get out of here for at least the past decade. Problem is I could never afford to.



jamesebtrout
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08 Mar 2022, 11:25 am

Is confidence important? Yes. People cannot, however just tell most men on the Autism Spectrum "be confident." That's not enough, not nearly enough. Many of us genuinely do need someone to sit down with us and discuss social skills and ways to be attractive like it's an academic subject. We are WAY passed cliches, bromides, and platitudes. Telling many men on the Spectrum to "be confident" is like telling someone who aspires to become a master chef, but who doesn't have the slightest idea of how to cook, and who needs step by step instructions on how to cook a gourmet dinner "don't burn the food."



kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2022, 11:36 am

Just be confident in your beliefs-----without slamming your beliefs over the head of someone.



Lizzie_Duck
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08 Mar 2022, 1:27 pm

When I read some of the things people write here, I wonder:

Why do you like women and want to be with women?
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Mar 2022, 1:53 pm

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
When I read some of the things people write here, I wonder:

Why do you like women and want to be with women?
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.

In particular, what are some of the things that have been said that give you that impression?



Lizzie_Duck
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08 Mar 2022, 2:13 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
When I read some of the things people write here, I wonder:

Why do you like women and want to be with women?
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.

In particular, what are some of the things that have been said that give you that impression?


This is a topic about dating women and I see page after page of almost nobody talking about why they would want to do that in the first place.
So, I am interested, particularly in this question:
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?

Even the first post seems to be more about the issues the first poster has with this, than about what would be nice about dating autistic women.



kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2022, 2:26 pm

It just so happens------that I find women to be enchanting, aggravating, beautiful, irritating, etc.

You can't live with 'em.....and you can't live without them :P

I'm sure it's the same way with lots of women when it comes to men.

It's just the way it is.



Lizzie_Duck
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08 Mar 2022, 2:27 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It just so happens------that I find women to be enchanting, aggravating, beautiful, irritating, etc.

You can't live with 'em.....and you can't live without them :P

I'm sure it's the same way with lots of women when it comes to men.

It's just the way it is.


That's a nice answer. Thank you.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2022, 3:57 pm

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
When I read some of the things people write here, I wonder:

Why do you like women and want to be with women?
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.

In particular, what are some of the things that have been said that give you that impression?


This is a topic about dating women and I see page after page of almost nobody talking about why they would want to do that in the first place.
So, I am interested, particularly in this question:
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?

Even the first post seems to be more about the issues the first poster has with this, than about what would be nice about dating autistic women.


Because this forum is not a dating site and our posts here are not dating profiles, it is for discussing issues, and some use it for venting I guess.

This forum is anonymous somehow, writing about why we like a particular woman is a personal territory.

Your question is very absurd.



Lizzie_Duck
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08 Mar 2022, 4:35 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
When I read some of the things people write here, I wonder:

Why do you like women and want to be with women?
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.

In particular, what are some of the things that have been said that give you that impression?


This is a topic about dating women and I see page after page of almost nobody talking about why they would want to do that in the first place.
So, I am interested, particularly in this question:
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?

Even the first post seems to be more about the issues the first poster has with this, than about what would be nice about dating autistic women.


Because this forum is not a dating site and our posts here are not dating profiles, it is for discussing issues, and some use it for venting I guess.

This forum is anonymous somehow, writing about why we like a particular woman is a personal territory.

Your question is very absurd.


I find it absurd that you find it absurd.
If you don't even know why you want to date women, why care to write topics about it?
Don't know why you said this is not a dating site as I never said it was.

It's very telling that you don't even answer my question, by the way.
People who don't even seem to know why they want to date autistic women (or any kind of women), and don't seem to have interest in women as individuals: why do you think a woman would be interested in turn?



jamesebtrout
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08 Mar 2022, 4:39 pm

Is looking for a woman on the Spectrum realistic? Absolutely, provided that the similarities between you and the woman don't begin and end with Autism. If that's the only thing that you have in common, a relationship won't happen. That said, women on the Spectrum more likely than not get more social experience than men do because of societal expectations and gender roles, so men on the Spectrum are more likely than not going to have to step up their game. No escaping that fact.



auntblabby
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08 Mar 2022, 5:08 pm

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
While I'm much less obviously "weird" and socially dysfunctional than I used to be, I still don't (can't) initiate conversations with strangers. In spite of this, I've had a number of long-term relationships and many briefer encounters with women. And in not even one of those cases did I make the first move--the woman always initiated things. So I have no patience with the commonly accepted belief that men "must" take the initiative. It's simply not true.

mebbe you're far more attractive than average, in the eyes of most women? you must have some draw that the rest of us lack.



auntblabby
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08 Mar 2022, 5:09 pm

jamesebtrout wrote:
Is looking for a woman on the Spectrum realistic? Absolutely, provided that the similarities between you and the woman don't begin and end with Autism. If that's the only thing that you have in common, a relationship won't happen. That said, women on the Spectrum more likely than not get more social experience than men do because of societal expectations and gender roles, so men on the Spectrum are more likely than not going to have to step up their game. No escaping that fact.

from the sounds of that, only the highest-functioning aspie men need apply.



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Mar 2022, 6:31 pm

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
This is a topic about dating women and I see page after page of almost nobody talking about why they would want to do that in the first place.

That's because this thread isn't about why men would want to date women. Most people have an interest in romantic and sexual relationships. We can intuitively relate to others' interest.

This thread is about the OP's extreme difficulty finding a compatible woman, or even someone who will give him a chance.


Lizzie_Duck wrote:
So, I am interested, particularly in this question:
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?

Yes.

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
Even the first post seems to be more about the issues the first poster has with this, than about what would be nice about dating autistic women.

Again, that's because the scope of this thread is about the original poster's long-standing inability to find compatible women to date.

Just because you're having a hard time finding women who would be willing to date you doesn't mean that you don't respect and appreciate women as individuals, but if you've been dealing with this for a long time, it does mean that you'll probably be preoccupied with how to find a compatible woman who could be romantically interested in you.