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Is looking for autistic women a realistic option?

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dorkseid
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08 Mar 2022, 6:32 pm

Telling guys like me "you just need to be confident" is like telling impoverished people "you just need to be rich."



r00tb33r
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08 Mar 2022, 6:38 pm

^ I think what we're just saying this doesn't look like a dating thread. :wink:



kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2022, 6:59 pm

But there’s really no reason for you not to be reasonably confident in yourself. You got a Masters, and people do like you.

I believe you should allow the romantic part to take care of itself.

I actually think you have beaten the odds in some respects.



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08 Mar 2022, 7:12 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
But there’s really no reason for you not to be reasonably confident in yourself. You got a Masters, and people do like you.

I believe you should allow the romantic part to take care of itself.


I think his point is that just because one ought to have confidence in themselves doesn't make it so and since it's not a choice to lack confidence being told to have more doesn't help because it ignores that it's not entirely a matter of choice.

Success tends to contribute to confidence but all the unrelated successes in the world won't help with confidence in some particular field where one continues to struggle in spite of all other successes.

I agree with your assessment that darkseid has many things that should inspire more confidence, but I also get where he's coming from that despite those positives the confidence isn't there and doesn't seem like it can be mustered.


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dorkseid
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08 Mar 2022, 8:07 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
But there’s really no reason for you not to be reasonably confident in yourself. You got a Masters, and people do like you.

I believe you should allow the romantic part to take care of itself.

I actually think you have beaten the odds in some respects.


I've always been confident in my academic ability, but that has relevance to my romantic life. A masters degree has nothing to with whether or not women find me sexually attractive.



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Mar 2022, 9:14 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I believe you should allow the romantic part to take care of itself.

But why should a 40 year-old who's had practically no success with women in his entire life trust that the romantic part will take care of itself?

If finding someone was a guarantee, then fair enough, but it's not. If anything, at 40, I'd think it reasonable to be riddled with despair at the prospect of never getting to date. I'm not sure why someone in that position should feel optimistic about their love life sorting itself out.



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08 Mar 2022, 9:16 pm

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
Why do you like women and want to be with women?


A combination of sexual needs and a desire for companionship. We are evolutionarily conditioned to have these needs inherent in our biology. I feel that is like asking a hungry person why they want food to eat.

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?


Its about what I personally desire for myself in life. If I gave a damn about social pressure I'd be a sports fan.

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?


Very much so, yes. I am drawn to women who exhibit quirky and oddball qualities, and often find women with more mainstream interests boring. I need some who is intellectually stimulating and whom I enjoy being around. This is why advice like "just ask more girls to increase your chances" irritates me so much. The whole point is that I don't want just any woman.

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.


What I find odd about this question is the idea that I either like or dislike "women". My like or dislike of individuals is based on their attitudes and behaviors, not their genders.

As I mentioned, I like women with oddball quirks. These kind of characteristics are common though not exclusive, to individual on the spectrum. However, I do want to be careful to not overgeneralize either NDs or NTs in this regard. I am fully open to dating ND or NT women that I find stimulating and interesting.

The purpose of this thread is that I had been getting advised to look for autistic women to date, and I wanted to get some input regarding that option.



Last edited by dorkseid on 08 Mar 2022, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2022, 9:16 pm

I'm not saying he should be optimistic.

I'm saying he probably has a better chance if he doesn't let his despair go too far.



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Mar 2022, 9:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm not saying he should be optimistic.

I'm saying he probably has a better chance if he doesn't let his despair go too far.

I agree, but how does he neutralise his despair? I doubt telling him to just not think about it is going to help.



kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2022, 9:23 pm

"Distraction" always works for me.

I've been pretty depressed lately----but I distract myself by watching YouTube videos.



jamesebtrout
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08 Mar 2022, 9:28 pm

I do my best not to think about it or talk about it too much. It's upsetting and it too often gives people the (false) impression that it's all I care about.



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2022, 9:46 pm

Lizzie_Duck wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
When I read some of the things people write here, I wonder:

Why do you like women and want to be with women?
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.

In particular, what are some of the things that have been said that give you that impression?


This is a topic about dating women and I see page after page of almost nobody talking about why they would want to do that in the first place.
So, I am interested, particularly in this question:
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?

Even the first post seems to be more about the issues the first poster has with this, than about what would be nice about dating autistic women.


Because this forum is not a dating site and our posts here are not dating profiles, it is for discussing issues, and some use it for venting I guess.

This forum is anonymous somehow, writing about why we like a particular woman is a personal territory.

Your question is very absurd.


I find it absurd that you find it absurd.
If you don't even know why you want to date women, why care to write topics about it?
Don't know why you said this is not a dating site as I never said it was.

It's very telling that you don't even answer my question, by the way.
People who don't even seem to know why they want to date autistic women (or any kind of women), and don't seem to have interest in women as individuals: why do you think a woman would be interested in turn?



You are projecting crap; I would have to meet and get to know those autistic women in order to know whether they’re compatible or not as individuals and why I would want to date some, they are surely not clones you know?



The Grand Inquisitor
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08 Mar 2022, 11:54 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
"Distraction" always works for me.

I've been pretty depressed lately----but I distract myself by watching YouTube videos.

I find that distraction can be an effective strategy for combating problems that will go away, or problems that you just need time to heal from. If you're going through a break-up, or your pet just died, or something like that, I think distractions can be useful.

For something like this where it continues to be a problem non-stop for years or decades, where the impact on your emotional well-being never lessens and in fact will probably only get worse, distractions can offer momentary relief in some instances, but it isn't long before you are again feeling the despair. One can't keep themselves distracted for years on end, and even if they could, that doesn't get them any closer to the romantic experiences they want to have.



Mona Pereth
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09 Mar 2022, 12:08 am

dorkseid wrote:
I've always been confident in my academic ability, but that has relevance to my romantic life. A masters degree has nothing to with whether or not women find me sexually attractive.

Actually, for some women, your academic/intellectual ability has strong relevance to the question of whether they would be interested in a longterm relationship with you, even if it's not relevant to sexual attraction per se.

For example, I happen to be a very intellectually-oriented person who enjoys deep, intellectually-stimulating conversation. It would be hard for me to feel close to anyone who doesn't have a similar mindset.


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Lizzie_Duck
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09 Mar 2022, 2:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Lizzie_Duck wrote:
When I read some of the things people write here, I wonder:

Why do you like women and want to be with women?
Do you actually want to or just feel like there's social pressure?
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?
I get the feeling some people here don't like women very much, so why do you want to be near women, I wonder.

In particular, what are some of the things that have been said that give you that impression?


This is a topic about dating women and I see page after page of almost nobody talking about why they would want to do that in the first place.
So, I am interested, particularly in this question:
Are you interested in individual women as people, apart from whether or not they will reject you?

Even the first post seems to be more about the issues the first poster has with this, than about what would be nice about dating autistic women.


Because this forum is not a dating site and our posts here are not dating profiles, it is for discussing issues, and some use it for venting I guess.

This forum is anonymous somehow, writing about why we like a particular woman is a personal territory.

Your question is very absurd.


I find it absurd that you find it absurd.
If you don't even know why you want to date women, why care to write topics about it?
Don't know why you said this is not a dating site as I never said it was.

It's very telling that you don't even answer my question, by the way.
People who don't even seem to know why they want to date autistic women (or any kind of women), and don't seem to have interest in women as individuals: why do you think a woman would be interested in turn?



You are projecting crap; I would have to meet and get to know those autistic women in order to know whether they’re compatible or not as individuals and why I would want to date some, they are surely not clones you know?


This is a 14 page topic about autistic women as an option, but suddenly it seems like a problem when I ask why men would want to date autistic women in the first place.



munstead
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09 Mar 2022, 3:39 am

@Lizzie_Duck

FWIW I think your question is a fair one. It could be helpful for every single male to ask themselves your question because if the truth is something along the lines of 'societal pressure' then that is an incredibly helpful insight and can hopefully free people up for the rest of their lives.