37 years old and (involuntarily) never had a girlfriend.

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When I visited ASAN’s DC headquarters a couple years ago, everyone who I met there seemed to be either afab-Nonbinary or an LGBTQ+ woman. I obviously don’t know for sure how they identified since I didn’t go around asking everyone, but that was my impression.

I agree that there is A LOT that we can learn from the LGBTQ+ community in our own efforts to build autistic community.

Hi:

I know what you mean, however, I didn't officially get boyfriend until this year, at age 40. However, I know what it's like to "Wait." It's even harder when you see others around you in relationships and you aren't. That said and done, your significant other might be under your nose the entire time and they may be someone among your friends who really likes you. In fact, that happened with me.

I went to a holiday party at the end of last year, least expecting to hook up with anyone. Rather, I was more interested in mingling and having a good time. While there, I ended up bumping into someone who I has had a crush on me for years while I also felt right about us being together. Little did I know that I would develop feelings for him.

Church groups are a little like rural towns. Unless you were a member from childhood you have no hope of dating a girl.

if you join a church group as a older teenager or young adult then unless you have attributes (> 6foot and/or great job) then its effectively no different to competing with other males on dating sites.

College church groups or dorm/social groups you have a slight window in the first few months where there are girls moved away from where they grew up and are open to dating. But then you aren't the only male seeking females. if you don't move in the first few months then all the single girls find social groups who act as "gatekeepers" or find males to "hang out with" even if they are not dating.

If you haven't found somebody in the first 6 months of college then it's like a game of musical chairs and you will find yourself without a place to site down.

At postgraduate level you may as well give up as the girls are either in relationships or focused on study and not interested in dating, At best you can be an acquaintance (refer to QFTs thousands of posts on this subject).

Yes you are correct. One of the biggest myths is that girls are falling over each other to get with a white man. The reality is the pool of women in south/east asia who are open to dating a western foreigner is quite small.

I did date a an absolute stunner in malaysia (she looked like a Bollywood actress) but while out on our second date she became flitty/nervous because members of her community were watching her in public. She did a weird thing and pretend she didn't know me and was embarrassed she was caught with a foreigner. After that when I ran into her she would make excuses. Like trying to catch a butterfly that's too fast

This is probably true of some churches but not all. Depends how much effort the church is willing to put into welcoming newcomers. If a church wants to grow, it will find ways to help newcomers feel at home and get socially integrated into the group. If a church doesn't even try to do this, then its days are probably numbered.

Megachurches grow by spawning endless new small groups that newcomers can join, so the newcomers aren't lost in the crowd.

However, do NOT join a church UNLESS you actually believe in the religion, or at least are seriously considering it. If you join JUST to find a partner, anyone you date will be VERY annoyed to find out that you are not a sincere believer.

Here in Melbourne the traditional churches (Anglican, Catholic, Presbyterian and Wesleyan) are mostly old people. It's where people go when they are preparing to die, Evangelical churches are popular with young people. But while they welcome you to be part of their parish. all the women are already married or spoken for.

Believe me I have been there and done that. Christian groups are a dead end for dating.

A few things in regards to dating:

1. Just be yourself
2. Keep yourself busy doing things and going places that you enjoy

I am myself. That's the problem. 5'8" men with subpar social skills don't get girlfriends (for the most part). And I'm well aware that I am undesirable. Otherwise, I would be a married man by now. The issue was and is I genuinely don't have a clue on how to make myself desirable. And for the record, I lean center left politically- I have been active in Democratic Party politics my entire adult life- and I'm not exactly religious (although I was raised Episcopalian). The irony is that I probably would have dated by now if I had been right wing and/or grew up in a religious environment. They have the networks I lack.

I grew up right wing conservative and didn't start dating until my 30's. Yes conservatives have stronger networks, but they are very guarded and judgemental. Meaning even within the group, one can be labeled as a "black sheep" and effectively ostracized. There was a lot of gossip and back-stabbing, whether any of those stories were true or not I don't know, but there was a lot of sullying reputations.

Left wingers I found unappealing because in the younger crowd (20's) the majority smoked, did drugs, and talked mostly about sex (like they needed to brag?). I found them irritating and boring.

(I guess my point is that when I was in my 20's I found the majority of my peers not worth my time. Once in the 30's people started being more thoughtful and stimulating).

What is wrong with being 5'8"? Most women are shorter than 5'8".....

I've also noticed that amongst ASD (myself included) we can garner the romantic interest of others, but are oblivious to their subtle hints that they like us, thus we feel undesirable, whereas we are really just not aware of those who desire us. I don't have an easy solution for this one; it is just a trend I have noticed.

For young men it reduces the pool of available dates. Taller men can basically choose to date anyone. I think 5foot8 is probably the absolute border before girls start calling you "short" (usually men 5foot7 and below). Even short girls!

I'm 5foot10 and I instinctively knew that girls > 5foot6 would consider me too short.

It's interesting that this site does attract a lot of conservative christians (probably why I'm so unpopular )

I did have a conservative christian upbringing (both my parents were "high" Anglicans and very socially conservative) and it influenced my choices in highschool where I was considered a "prude". But I never lucked out meeting girls in church.

I basically dismantled that persona in University and started drinking etc...but I was never a "cool" kid. Despite drifting into the orbit of left wing philosophies and atheism I was too late to break into the local dating scene. It wasn't till I went overseas in my 30s and started dating internationally that I found my self-confidence shoot through the roof. I came back to Australia and was much more successful but I managed (by then) to secure a wife before really hitting the singles circuit.

I'm not completely surprised about that. If I can generalize here, most people I know on the Spectrum politically tend to either be hardline conservative Christians or borderline Marxists. This tends to be due to the fact that we tend to be prone to black and white thinking and that line of thinking is generally much more acceptable in said camps.

I've been watching "Love on the Spectrum" on Netflix. It's been a bit underwhelming for me though given the fact that almost none of the people featured have a university degree and many of them are either unemployed or underemployed compared to me. I do often wonder though two things: #1. if I am too smart for my own good or #2. if I was born too early. I was 15 years old when I was diagnosed and I was literally the first person in my high school to have such a diagnose.

I'm 5'7". At no point in my life would I have considered a 5'10" man or even a 5'8" man to be too short.

I'm the second of two women in this thread to say this. Maybe hetero/bi NT women tend to be more hung up on a man's height than hetero/bi autistic women are?

I also suspect that even many NT women aren't as hung up on a man's height as some men believe they are. I suspect that it's mainly men themselves who feel inferior due to not being tall, and who therefore assume that women regard them as inferior too.

Perhaps some women are as hung up on a man's height as you believe they are, but certainly not all, and I suspect not most.

My experience is with hetero-NT women. For most of the single guys on WP this is the only group they can realistically aim for in dating.

I posted about a girl who friendzoned me for some years and it had nothing to do with my looks or personality, it was my height since she was 5foot8.

How did you know that the issue was your height? Did she tell you?

In the end I suspected. She only hooked up with tall guys. Eventually I gave up on her when I drove her to a party and she was drunk and was let some random dude massage her. I left her there. We kept in touch by phone on and off after that.