Do Aspies miss their partners?

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Hey, yes maybe. I will talk with him soon. I the meantime, thank you all for taking the time to share your insights with me!

As your article indicated, it is estimated 80% of those on the spectrum have executive dysfunction.
This makes life exhausting no matter the type of social interaction.
It seems most of us have been "blessed" with this curse, myself included.

Never forget these wise words:

That's true. I do think relationships are aLOT more likely to last if both partners were majorly invested in trying to make their relationship work.

I tried replying to your PM Rexi but I didn't have the option. Perhaps you have PMs turned of or WP is having another infamous random weird glitch

Very much. He died in July.

Sorry to hear (hugs)

My last relationship ended 16 years ago, and we're still friends.

However, there are instances of unrequited love in which I miss that person. It's mainly because I become very easily emotionally attached to people, especially if I feel there was something to connect over. And it isn't necessarily confined to potential partners, it can be just regular friends.

The fact that there are virtually no people with the same interests in my area makes it even more excruciating.

Whoa.. really enjoyed everyones insights in this thread ..... kinda validates my own experiences ..
And yes it could be a Aspie thing. ..... Probably , and "virtual "does not beat a more pragmatic"Real life" one.
I really hope your situation resolves itself favourably . ( its pretty well know Aspies can seriously lack social skills).
but missing people usually is not one of them that are lacking. But sometimes this thing called love can get relagated to pragmatism , Sometimes relationships as they grow can get pretty pragmatic looking to one partner or another.
But if you get in doubt .You maynot have realized you may have made a extremely "Loyal" Ally in life . Under the circumstances , depending on the bond a Aspie male my feel or develop. Based on some old relationships,that i have been in. It might not always be fullfilling . But it could be a reliable one ?
Good Luck !

I have thought about this some. I think the major issue here is that people on the Autism spectrum don't have the same need to constantly "engage" with their partners. So if you're at home with your partner, you don't need to constantly make small talk with them, ask them to share their thoughts, etc. In fact that might seem annoying to you. What matters is that they're there. So you might be unhappy they're away, at the same time you might enjoy a temporary spell of having the house to yourself so you deal with it OK. What's hard is having to frequently call them and engage in the sort of conversation that usually wouldn't happen at home.

Also, if the relationship is established, you really just assume the person will always be there for you. They're away, but they'll be back, so you don't dwell on it. You more or less (foolishly?) assume they don't need constant reassurance of your devotion to them, as you may feel you've already made that more than clear. Failing some sort of "red flag", you don't worry about that so why should they? They meet your needs for companionship, isn't that enough?

One problem that comes to mind is that Aspies can form a "theory" about their partner's feelings without discussing it. From direct experience, their partner is totally into them so what problem could there be? The problem is, this can change, especially if the partner doesn't feel they are getting the emotional feedback they expect from a relationship, but the Aspie partner doesn't see that, thinking everything is fine.

Considering the sexual aspect (as the topic is "partners" we can assume a sexual aspect to the relationship), the Aspie partner (usually a man) finds the sex satisfactory and has come to expect their partner will continue to be available for sex. In my personal experience, this can be a stumbling block if the woman is also on the spectrum, because those women (assuming they're essentially "straight") won't be as inhibited about hooking up with somebody else if such an opportunity arises; that doesn't mean they're ready to abandon the relationship but it's undeniably problematic. In my experience, NT women have a stronger personal commitment to monogamy. This is one reason that I don't consider relationships between 2 people on the Autism spectrum to be ideal, in fact they can be exciting at the outset but then one partner or the other simply loses interest, at least to some extent.

Note the preceding is a memory dump based on personal experience, I wouldn't be surprised if some people disagree with one or more opinions I've expressed.

Hello Jakki, thank you for answering. Yes, he is loyal but not fulfilling. It's another way to look at it, but I'm still working on living with the 2nd part!

I am so sorry to hear this. All the best.

Hello MaxE, thank you for giving this so much thought. Yes, that is what I read about Autism and it may be true for him. We have postponed our talk as we just wanted to have a nice enjoyable evening. I think I cannot live with the passive way of being taken for granted and not much loving activity coming from him. I think we have to devise new ways of him showing me his love / or me understanding better how he shows love (if he does love me, which I too often doubt). We have already found many little tricks. But right now I'm running dry. I'd be interested to hear real life solutions other HFA-NT couples have found.

Might not want to hear the word Acceptance at this point in time . but you sound creative and seem to be resiliant in our relationship . Perhaps that discussion on how his love is suppose to manifest to you , in a way that you can recognize it ?????? ( or just beat him about his head until he complys ) .....written in jest.

Not if you give us a sniper rifle.

To the original post -

It’s sounds like you have a lovely relationship.
If you have a need that is not being met - please communicate that need!

Nobody can read your mind.

If I was looking from his perspective, I would have come back and needed to recharge for a few days, alone.
Then you say - let’s wait two weeks - RATHER than expressing your true emotions which are - I wish you missed me as much as I miss you. Maybe he does but he also grants you time and space.
It sounds as if you are spending those two weeks stewing in your resentment.

If your love languages are not on track then talk about how to repair them. Maybe you need something that he does not spontaneously provide because he takes your words at face value and doesn’t read a thousand other feelings into them. Maybe he is capable of providing what you need and maybe not - you’ll never know without asking.
Maybe you are too insecure and need to tell your mind to stop with all the speculation.

It would be a shame to throw such a lovely relationship away because of imagined incompatibility.

A lot of this sounds to me like typical complaints from NT woman about guys in general. Lots of sitcoms & standup comics joke about guys not understanding women, guys taking what women say at face value, & guys wanting more space & time apart from their partners than their partners want.

I was in a 1 1/2 year relationship with the person I loved most of all persons in my life. In the beginning I often missed her, and wanted to be with her every minute day and night. Towards the end I "ghosted" her and didn't understand her complaints about it. I wasn't interested in seeing her anymore. So she broke up with me, which was traumatic for me.

May be a combination of being schizoid and autistic at the same time.