31 and never been in a relationship

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Hi, I’m Andi. I’m 31 years old. Until very recently, I’ve never been in a relationship before. I have briefly dated, with the longest date lasting a couple months, and even then I would not even consider dating especially since the person only ended up taking advantage of me.

I was introduced to a girl who is 33 through a mutual friend Felt bad for me that I’ve never been in a relationship and wanted to set me up with her friend.

When we met, we were at a restaurant with me, several of my friends and one of their boyfriends. And she was telling us about how she was getting out of a very bad relationship with her ex fiancé and how she inhabited his apartment while he’s serving jail time for physically abusing her. I asked her if she ever was abused as a child and she said she was never abused and I told her that I experienced abuse my entire childhood, and that I was so sorry that she had to go through that herself.

She mentioned that she worked as a freelancer writing papers even though she had a bachelors degree in psychology. I told her that I liked it was some freelance political work as I am still taking classes in college even though I’m 31.

After my spring semester, I found out that I was losing my ass aside because I worked too much and I was going to have to move in with my family and I cannot stand the idea of that so I decided to flee to Iowa as of right there was much more affordable and I got a job there as an Amazon delivery driver.

I assumed that the girl who I was introduced to was only pretending to have feelings for me when she was mentioning how she wanted to move to Iowa and marry me and blah blah blah blah. I knew it was too good to be true and I could tell that she was full of it.

And what really was the icing on the cake was that she was constantly asking me for money saying can you spare five dollars for a waffle please. Initially she only asked for $20 then for $60. I took screenshots of the conversation and posted them in an autism dating group messenger chat that was linked to the Facebook dating I was in.

I claimed that she was only taking advantage of me and that she was a classic Golddigger. He tried to convince me that wasn’t the case and that she would understand if I told her That I didn’t have any money. And to prove my point I took screenshots of my bank statement and I sent it to her to prove her how little money I had myself.

In the messaging group I claimed that if I told her that I was broke that she will rub in my face that she found a really rich guy that she’s dating.

And only a couple weeks later after I wrote she did just that, and I felt extremely vindicated, and I posted what she said to me in the messenger chat as well.

And I rubbed it into their faces that I was right as I always am.

I have a tendency to always be on guard and not trust people, people are in need them always very eager to help people, as I have a very good heart.

I recently spoke to a therapist who diagnosed me with complex post traumatic stress disorder and that one of the reasons why I’m so eager to please is the fawn response that I fawn over people in trying to placate them and win them over, which was why I was constantly giving people money and the therapist pointed that out to me.

I can ask the therapist if I’m doing all of that why haven’t I ever been in a relationship and one of the things she told me it’s because you’re on guard all the time that keeping your guard up so much is actually a red flag.

I’ve been emotionally hurt a lot before in the past so whenever I’m dating I’m always keeping my guard way up, Lake with a gold digger while I was giving her money my guard was way up as I did not trust her at all and I was right not to.

I always assume that because I am on the autism spectrum, extremely hairy and obese and that I was going to be perpetually rejected as all three combos I felt were on attractive especially with the latter two.

Even though I eat very little often only one meal a day and around 1300 cal I’m still obese near 300 pounds.

Very recently I got into a relationship with a girl that I met on an autism dating site, Hiki. It seems like it’s almost a match made in heaven but like everything else in my life because it seems too good to be true I therefore think it won’t work out like nothing ever does for me.

I don’t know why, but things never work out for me in the end. I don’t think I’ll ever find my happily ever after. It seems like the girl I’m currently seeing things never work out for me in the end.

Make sure that the Girl from hiki is real. Ask to talk to her on the phone. If she refuses then it's probably a man.

If that turns out bad it's common for us to be married to foreign brides.

Yep. At least try to get her on the phone.

Me either, and I am 35.
My advice is don't sweat it.
Because a) your going to get more upset that there is something wrong with you as times go on.
b) even if you do end up a relationship, it might end up being worse than none at all.
c) people are complicated
d) destroying your own happiness over females will cost you years of happy life.
e) solitude only sucks, because people hate on it, but realistically if you drop your expectations a little solitude is something that is very blissful in its own unique way.
f) If you do end up in a serious relationship, say good bye to total freedom of doing things without someone trying to change you or telling you how to do stuff.
g) The lack of sex is not fun, but honestly there is porn. And of all things its free.
h) We are brought up with certain expectations like having a relationship should be the norm. Yes its probably better, but trust me what if you end up in some relationship that ruins your life. Grass is always green on the other side.
i) Imagine the bliss of doing whatever you want when ever, in whatever way you want, and no one ever interrupting your routine or your thinking process. I mean it might suck at first, but appreciating that is worth more than any money in the world. Its such a rare commodity in this modern life to just be alone and enjoying it.
j) Women say they don't like desperate guys. Not sure if that is some joke of nature, but not being desperate is kind of inhuman a way, but trust me, there is value in solitary life, if you want to look at it.
k) Embrace the title of virgin supreme. Try to enjoy it while you can, because you might find some female that will try to screw this up for you and you are going to be screwed. Literally and figuratively and its not that its bad, but I think we are brought up in highly prosocial environment so much so we never learn to appreciate being alone and having time for the self.

Generally speaking if she is good match and you like here, there is not much to lose in following up with whatever you got going.
I mean on up side you are on a dating site, so that means she is definitely looking for someone.
On down side, unless you meet someone in person you might get wrong impression.
Not just because they might lie, but simply because communication over the internet is not really that obvious.

Saying its too good to be true, is good, it means you are realistic with your expectations, but people are not always making obvious decisions in relationships.
So its rather hard to tell whether it works or not unless you make it happen.

That said you are in no different territory than normal NT people in this respect, because no one can tell before hand.

Ok wow, there was "a lot to unpack" there.

1st rule of thumb - if a date mentions their ex, move on.
2nd rule of thumb - don't reveal all your own "crazy" at once.

I was in a serious relationship at ages 18-19, got dumped, and had some s**t happen, and kindof fell into a funk for many years. Did not date again until I was like 28. I did not kiss a girl for my entire 20s. I managed to go through 4 years of undergrad and 5 yeas of graduate school without meeting a girl in college.

As ASD, we are weird. The stuff I did was really stupid.

I got married at age 30 to someone I had met when I was 23. We kept up over the years but I never pursued her.

Also I will warn you about this, but it won't help. When you are lonely its all you can think about. But if you ever get married and have kids, you will WISH you were lonely at times. Try to enjoy it because the biggest hell can be marrying an awful person (I didn't, but I slept with a chick once that was oh my god what the f was I thinking type. Had I not run away from that, that would have been a surefire divorced situation).

But even if its great, if you get kids your days won't be yours anymore. You will look back at this moment and regret not enjoying it more. I wish I could teleport in and out of it.

I didn't really date either in my twenties.

The first half of my twenties, I REALLY wanted a girlfriend and I remember trying every single dating app and talking to women in real life and always getting shot down. I joined several different organizations at college and asked some women out from there, and was rejected by all of them. Not a single woman was interested in dating me, not even one.

The final straw was getting set up on a blind date with another girl on the spectrum and it went horribly.

Anyways after that, I just gave up and never really tried again. It also helps that my sex drive isn't crazy high anymore like it was in my early twenties.

I'm 33, and my current Relationship Status is Will Smith in "I Am Legend" lol. But seriously, don't give up hope. Find a Hobby you enjoy, or download a Dating App. Be honest & open about who you are, the right Person will Love you for who you truly are.

why am i not surprised that the OP is male

The girl on Hiki ended up being real and she really did have feelings for me and I had feelings for her and this is the first relationship I ever ended up in but when I was 24 years old I made a catastrophic prediction that I probably won’t get into my first relationship until I’m 31 that’ll and very abruptly and catastrophically.

This is basically exactly what happened only two weeks before we were supposed to meet up in person she unexpectedly blocked me and just before she blocked me told me to never message her again only a couple of days after I told one of my friends that because this relationship is too good to be true it will therefore end very soon.

And only a couple of days after I told my friend that I expected the relationship to end she unexpectedly ended it herself.

Do you have money?

If you have money, consider going the international route. If you go to Thailand, Vietnam, or The Philippines as a white man, you'll go from a virgin to needing swimming lessons with all the p**** you'll be swimming in.

ya, men since the beginning of time or all-time having to be the ones to court women and do the pursuing, is why cases like this will always be male dominated unfortuneately