Ran Into Ex...Didn't Go Well...

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Descartes
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09 Mar 2023, 10:56 am

So I ran into my ex and his roommate at a bar a couple months ago and it did not go well.

For context, my ex and I were together for a year (plus two and a half months if you count the initial getting to know each other phase) and it was a good relationship until he fell into depression and financial hardships. He became more and more withdrawn from the relationship and stopped wanting to do anything or talk to me much anymore. Finally, we broke up last June on what I believed to be amicable terms, with him basically saying he loved me but he was not present for me and I deserved better, and my saying let's stay in touch and talk about picking up where we left off when he was in a better place in his life.

From June until January, I texted him periodically but he only texted back once. Finally, I ran into him and his roommate at a bar. He did not look pleased to see me. I tried to hug him, but he said, "I'm good." I asked how he was doing, and he replied, "I'm alive. That's about it."

After that I went up to him at the bar where he was buying a drink. I asked how he had been, and he said, "I'm alive. That's it. There isn't anything else to talk about." He then went out onto the patio and stayed there, refusing to come back inside. His roommate told me when he tried to get him to come back inside, he yelled at him. His behavior was kind of weird since his roommate told me my ex had never spoken ill of me.

I'm just confused and hurt and I'm wondering if he and I will ever be friendly again. :cry:


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Summer_Twilight
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09 Mar 2023, 12:47 pm

That sounds like something not to take personally, your ex isn't feeling good right now due to sinking into a depression and facing some major problems of his own that are beyond your control. He's also making it clear that he's putting a distance between the two of you and doesn't want any more contact. It definitely sounds like it's probably best to leave him alone and go enjoy your own life.

In fact, I ran into a few similar situations with the person who I had a crush on, whom I told you about earlier today. After he told me and dropped several hints that he didn't have to return romantic feelings for me, he couldn't be around me either.

When I went to the funeral and an adult autistic self-advocate and support group leader in 2010, he made the habit of avoiding me. Instead, he made it clear that he was friends with another woman who I was friends with at the time. He asked if he could offer her a ride to the funeral. Meanwhile, when I went to go take the bus, he drove by. He also talked to me and acted very much like your ex was acting and didn't acknowledge the sympathy card I got him.



Descartes
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09 Mar 2023, 1:46 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
That sounds like something not to take personally, your ex isn't feeling good right now due to sinking into a depression and facing some major problems of his own that are beyond your control. He's also making it clear that he's putting a distance between the two of you and doesn't want any more contact. It definitely sounds like it's probably best to leave him alone and go enjoy your own life.

In fact, I ran into a few similar situations with the person who I had a crush on, whom I told you about earlier today. After he told me and dropped several hints that he didn't have to return romantic feelings for me, he couldn't be around me either.

When I went to the funeral and an adult autistic self-advocate and support group leader in 2010, he made the habit of avoiding me. Instead, he made it clear that he was friends with another woman who I was friends with at the time. He asked if he could offer her a ride to the funeral. Meanwhile, when I went to go take the bus, he drove by. He also talked to me and acted very much like your ex was acting and didn't acknowledge the sympathy card I got him.


I'm sorry to hear all that. That doesn't give me much hope in my situation. I'd hate for us to never talk again. :(


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rse92
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09 Mar 2023, 2:35 pm

When you say "we broke up" do you mean "I broke up with him?"



Descartes
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09 Mar 2023, 2:36 pm

rse92 wrote:
When you say "we broke up" do you mean "I broke up with him?"


It was mutual.


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Summer_Twilight
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10 Mar 2023, 9:27 am

Descartes wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
That sounds like something not to take personally, your ex isn't feeling good right now due to sinking into a depression and facing some major problems of his own that are beyond your control. He's also making it clear that he's putting a distance between the two of you and doesn't want any more contact. It definitely sounds like it's probably best to leave him alone and go enjoy your own life.

In fact, I ran into a few similar situations with the person who I had a crush on, whom I told you about earlier today. After he told me and dropped several hints that he didn't have to return romantic feelings for me, he couldn't be around me either.

When I went to the funeral and an adult autistic self-advocate and support group leader in 2010, he made the habit of avoiding me. Instead, he made it clear that he was friends with another woman who I was friends with at the time. He asked if he could offer her a ride to the funeral. Meanwhile, when I went to go take the bus, he drove by. He also talked to me and acted very much like your ex was acting and didn't acknowledge the sympathy card I got him.


I'm sorry to hear all that. That doesn't give me much hope in my situation. I'd hate for us to never talk again. :(


I can see where you are coming from because it sounds like you still feel a connection with him and that's normal because you are human. I also know what it's like to want to reconnect with someone who is no longer interested. Now he may talk to you in the future but right now, he's not in a place to do that. In the meantime, yes, it's okay to grieve but your mental health is important. So it might be good to take all the time you need. However, you should also remember that you are a valuable person too and you have lots of other interests.