Might autistic women not be the best match for autistic men?

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Every day, I get more and more convinced that I'm in one of those autistic-autistic marriages, but I'm not a psychologist and even if I was, I'd be way too close to be objective about it.

Which would be a lot easier to deal with if she were willing to accept some responsibility or acknowledge reality and exercising any curiosity about what's going on. It's asking too much of her most days just to acknowledge that when I'm angry, it's me being angry, not something that somebody put me up to.

It's probably also worth realizing that there probably aren't many marriage counselors that have experience dealing with this kind of stuff, so you're stuck with a regular one and hoping that they can figure things out on the job as I doubt there's enough relationships for them to really learn much ahead of time.

First post here. But I have noticed that with my complicated condition, I have a lot of difficulties having the courage to approach a lady, let along maintain an exciting convo. On the occasion that I do, they either claim to have no memory of what happened afterwards, or just shrug their shoulders like I don't exist. Autistic women are no better. Because they are not desparate guys, i tend to perceive them as socially adept neurotypicals with just a minor difference, who do not experience the same difficulties that guys with autism do. I feel like society is 50 times more compassionate for lonely women than guys. I personally don't believe that there is any autistic lady who could be a match for me.

I am nearly 40, as surprising as it to myself, and I have virtually no friends or contacts, and no motivation, or ideas of where to go. The virus is hindering my ability to engage/connect ginormously. As the days/months flow by, I'll continue to age and rebel. I feel like I have nothing to live for. Having an ABI just makes things even more complicated.

Just my 2c worth from someone in Australia.

My fiancée and I have the same diagnosis/level, we understand each other so much. I knew from the start that women who were also autistic are the perfect match for me who’s also autistic. And we’re on our way to being spouses and having children.

I don't think an autistic lady is for me. I actually achieved a couple of 'life goals' recently. But finding a lady has not found it's way into this array.

I get easily intimidated by deep and highly intelligent conversations admittedly, and just don't think I can compete at times. I rarely even get opportunities to insert humour into the very occasional interaction I'm lucky* enough to engage in, due to a lack of confidence and connections. I did find solid evidence of the 1 in a million possibility of a female tolerating me years ago. But I have not formed any connection with a female since then, and it's agonising.

ADD doesn't make it any easier. Whether undetected for 7+ years or not.

I once read that both autistic men and woman make a good match, they are on the same wave length. Whilst we all have our own hobbies ideas personality and character we do think differently about many things than those whom are not on the spectrum. A mismatched couple can work but it would take the man or woman to be more accepting understanding and willing to learn more about what makes their other half different.

I would not worry about it place other ideas and prospects forward then when your not expecting it you will meet a great lady. Develop your character and personality and also skills which in some respects are as worthwhile as having a lady in your life. A skilled man can do mostly anything and its great to be able to have that mindset.

Hi, its quite normal to not have many friends later in life. I have alot of acquaintances in my life few are really friends hang out buddies what have you. I wouldn't feel too bad about it. If you eventually have one or two close friends that's more than many people whom aren't married in 50+ The wheels spin so much in my head these days with so many hobby projects on the go i don't even get time to be lonely no more and as i get older accumulating more and more knowledge even more ideas come to me. When i was in my 20's and mid 30's i did use to suffer greatly from loneliness, these days it barely registers. What i do feel as i get older is the increasing want for a wife and children, maybe its something many men experience sooner or later. Biological reasons perhaps. You have plenty to live for just start using your biggest asset, the mind. Invent and create, your life will be better for it. For example i filter all my drinking water these days it started with a simple plastic funnel coffee filter papers and activated charcoal powder now ive got it up to 20 liters at at time stored in a container in the fridge complete with a magnetic stack that is altering the waters composition as water is diamagnetic. This has been refined over time and improved and just when i think ive gone as far as i can a new idea occurs.

Also greetings from NZ

This thread has been idle for nearly a year. But nonetheless, the support worker I might have mentioned a couple of months back still seems to be tolerating me for the requested shifts.

Today the worker alluded to buying a house in what is virtually part of the Australian desert, due to cheap land pricing with one for both of myself and them. The offer is a huge dud. First of all, it puts me at a dead end and totally complicates the supposed 'professional' nature of this 'support'. But then, the worker gently touching my forehead in an act of cheekiness was bizarre too.

It will do nothing to assist with fulfilling my objectives. It will isolate the worker from their stomping ground, and it is weird as. It's just the absurd nature of the comment that made it linger in the head for a bit. The worker is always going on about wanting a dude, and very optimistic. Cleary ND. But nowhere convinced that they're actually ASD positive. I just don't understand their mindset. Although I did shave today for the first time in about a year, mainly but not entirely to find out their reaction. It is blatantly obvious that I am not their type I'll admit. But I think I can do a little bit better, albeit not much. I just can't make sense of which type I should be looking for.

Maybe this forum's official, and one and only certified fortune teller could been right? But there's a chance they weren't. Nonetheless, it looks like I will being going around in circles unless something is done about it. It's taking its toll on my health too.

Here's a video of a successful autistic couple.





https://youtu.be/z4Z4-okGnkM?si=BIiKoJAR5nwMcmKX

I'd suggest just meeting people as best you can and not worrying about the details of whether they should or should not be a good match for you. Attractive women who have a lot of suitors can be super picky but most of us shouldn't do that.

There seems to be a rule that men should be taller than the women they date. Maybe it would help to ignore rules like that!

It may depend on what your wanting from a relationship partner. If your wanting someone who can compensate for your various shortcomings & help you manage life or if your wanting someone who understands & accepts you. I'd much rather have the latter. However I know there's plenty of autistics who prefer the former & I think I can understand their perspective, especially if they have major problems & really hate having autism. I guess I think that if someone does not have any major issues & problems, they'll quickly resent me for feeling forced to be my caretaker & mom. I remember years ago there were various posts on here & other sites by women in relationships with Aspie guys & the women were ranting about their guys not being independent adults & the poor guys were getting compared to being children because they couldn't function like typical non-disabled NT men. I never had a really good relationship with my mom & felt she resented me for not being more independent because mom could not relate to being disabled nor having autism & I'd majorly hate for my romantic partner to resent me the way I felt my own mom sometimes did. I hated having my own mom sometimes so I def do NOT want my partner to take on that role.

It's a rare condition, and it's usually rare for two persons to click (except for the super attractive/charming people who have infinite options).

So for two autistics to find each other attractive and matching in everything else is like winning a lottery.

1 in 40-something or whatever % Autistic is now isn’t that rare.

I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed with autism, and if I do end up being officially diagnosed, I will be on the higher-functioning end of the spectrum. I am diagnosed with ADHD, and my mother and donrt thinbk that is everything that I have. Ive taken online tests and quizzes, and all of them have come back positive. I have difficulty interacting with people and not blurting out, and i infodump on my interests to my friends a little too much, and have lost friends because of it.even my mom thinks the things i like are weird, and she makes fun of me/ignores me when i talk about the things I like, especially music. I have gotten broken up with for being "too much", and i care alot about the people i love. My boyfriend now is very nerdy, and he listens to me talk about my art and my special intrests, and i listen to him talk about star wars and attack on titatn. :3

Never have been in a relationship with a neurodivergent person. Became friends with an ND girl who has ADHD and I grew an attachment to her. Wanted to push for a relationship but then the shocking revelation came that she identified as a boy. At first I tried to avoid being bigoted but it has resulted in a series of sensory issues throughout the months of the friendship. I vented on my sorrows to her and she surprisingly had empathy for that.

Yesterday I was told by my therapist that I have a case of RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) which I suspect to be the result of my closed mindset over the years of my life. I don't know what it is like to be in a relationship with an autistic girl but I sure have made my first ever experience with an ND person in the 18 years of my life as I never have made friends with these people nor did I have any like-minded friends.

Despite all of the turmoil I faced, the two of us enjoyed some of the best moments. But now, the time has come for me to move on and begin my journey to find an autistic female person. Someone who is high-functioning autistic and someone who is interested in history, politics, and gaming.

My partner is Autistic so it works for me.

Way better than my previous relationships with NT's - which I found traumatic due to gas lighting and covert conversion therapy.

Still have to work at it and compromise of course but at least my cognitive processing style, stimming and monotropic flow states are not a problem as they were before. My partner says the same.