Coping after end of long distance relationship

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I don’t know, I don’t want to risk hurting another woman by trying to date when I’m not ready to. I need to take a breather and don’t want to risk having a rebound relationship.

If he is an Aspie, that will be quite a challenge.

Breakups can usually be tough, but I think that they are even harder for ND individuals. After finally getting an experience that makes you feel like you have caught up to everyone else, that suddenly is ripped away from you. And after thinking you have found someone who finally understands and likes you, they are gone. As others have said, allow some time for grieving. Realize it is ok to feel terrible somedays. Feeling depressed is ok. Feeling like you want to die and have nothing left to live for is ok. Take it from someone who has been there. Eventually the pain does lessen.

This isn’t my first break up, but this one particularly stings because she was the first woman I genuinely connected and felt comfortable with. I was 17 in my first relationship and as we were both really young neither of us knew what we wanted but it still hurt like heck when things didn’t work out in spite of all the arguments that came about from us just not being compatible. Then my next relationship when I was about 23/24 was with someone who was incredibly closed off emotionally and also was still pining for her ex, and while at the time I did really care for her, this most recent relationship made me realise just how unsettled I was at the time and how I never truly felt comfortable with her.

It just feels like I’ve lost my soulmate, and while I know I need to move on, I’m conflicted as I’m not sure if letting go is the right decision. I’m also worried whoever comes next isn’t going to make me feel like this and I have to settle for the next best thing. Luckily I’m in a place where I’m happy with everything else in my life as I was happy being by myself at the time I met her, it’s just a case of getting back to that state as right now things feel incredibly hollow and empty without her as if something is missing.

Take a break and avoid going into LTD relationships later on.

Been in one of those experiences. Not fun and frustrating. You wonder what is wrong with you that you can't be good enough for the other person.

You also talk about settling for the next right thing. I have done that in the past, not worth it either. Going MGTOW would have been better.

I’m not planning on dating anyone right now - need to focus on myself rather than trying to fill the emptiness with another person, and give some love back to myself.

I don’t think the issue was the distance - the issue was more the baggage which meant she wasn’t in a place where she was ready to have that kind of relationship. I would only do long distance again if it was with the right person, like before this experience I’d never seriously considered long distance outside of “if it was someone I really liked, I’d consider it” and then when I came across her and realised how I felt there was zero question of whether or not I’d be willing to give it a go.

On the former point, yeah I don’t see that as being viable I’d only want to be with someone if I genuinely felt something towards them, but after experiencing this relationship where everything was so right I’m worried nothing else will live up to that.

On the latter, that is not an option for me. I fundamentally disagree with everything MGTOW stands for - I’m very left wing to begin with so yeah that definitely isn’t on the cards.

This woman spent her entire adult life with somebody who utterly controlled her. She probably came to view him as an authority figure and imagines being punished for "cheating" on him. Is she permanently damaged? I wouldn't know, but it would seem simply leaving her alone isn't the best plan. Perhaps you need to be assertive in some way. If you could find some sort of counseling and talk about your situation as that of a couple facing difficulties that might help get her past this.

I'll admit that's sort of vague but it would seem taking some sort of action, fighting for the relationship, might be better than simply giving up.

That’s why I’m so conflicted - it’s something I’d be willing to fight for, but I have to respect her wishes on this if this is something she feels she needs to work on without me by her side - I don’t want to be pushy or anything.

However, I am feeling a lot more hatred towards her ex for messing her up so badly she felt she wasn’t ready for our relationship.

In the short term, you probably just need to maintain contact. Text her every couple of days. If what you said in your OP is true, she will miss you and respond positively to contact.

It's also possible she's not comfortable with physical intimacy but engaged in it because she didn't want to hurt your feelings.

I know you don't want to hear it, but you must accept that there's a possibility that she realized she's just not that into you, that after spending five days together she concluded that she did not want a long term relationship. So she has let you down, after the two of you departed, with the it's not you it's me speech.

If you don't let her go you will never move on. And if she comes back, good for you.

You have already demonstrated that you are good enough man to attract a good woman. Be confident you can do it again.

I know you’re trying to help, but I feel that’s not the case - if that is how she felt she would have told me rather than lying and coming up with a reason like that. She was arguably more tearful than I was during our last phone call, and if what you’re hypothesising was true, then she would have figured that out after one of the weekends we spent together.

The issue isn’t my confidence in attracting a good woman - it’s whether or not that person will be good enough for me.

That definitely wasn’t the case as she was very affectionate and was incredibly responsive to the more intimate side and made it clear how attractive she found me (which was mutual). There was a lot of chemistry between us and with that a lot of sexual tension in between visits which we built upon with a lot of texting (as well as one attempt at phone sex which ended up taking us both by surprise at how hot it was).

Dating can be very confusing, that is for sure.