Coping after end of long distance relationship

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Vaya con Dios.

Understatement of the year right there.

You are way ahead of most of us guys on this forum. Many of us are more worried about attracting a woman who things we are good enough for her!

Shouldn't the issue be whether you're compatible, instead of if someone is "good enough" for the other person?

Are we all demi-gods?

That's the thing - it's about whether or not another person fits my criteria for what I'm after which I don't feel is unreasonable (someone I get along well with/vibe with and have things in common with who is accepting/understanding of the difficulties I face due to my diagnosis, has similar values and ethics to myself, and accepts my lifestyle choices of being vegetarian and not drinking alcohol). Right now I'm just afraid of not finding someone who makes me as happy as she did.

I am surprised it took this long for this thread to get to this point.

What point is that?

Nothing. I wholeheartedly endorse your efforts to find a good woman.

I wouldn’t say I’m at that stage yet. Sure, some people can just jump from relationship to relationship, but it hasn’t even been two weeks yet and given how strong my feelings are, they don’t just go away like that. It’s not going to be a linear process but I have to move on fully before even trying to date someone else (although I don’t want to try and force it once that happens and want things to happen naturally).

That is a good point. I think many of us are rather incompatible with much of the population due to our disorder. That seems to be a characteristic of Asperger's-we just don't fit in too well.

I think it’s just a case of reframing your way of thinking - I think it’s possible for things to work out if the other person is willing to understand the difficulties and issues that come from being autistic or neurodivergent, but the willingness is the key part and it has to work both ways in some respects as you need to put that into perspective.

The hard thing here is there were never any issues in the relationship linked to the autism (as she said I don’t need to change who I am) or anything to do with me - she just needs to work on herself to unravel all the baggage and damage inflicted on her by this a***hole.

Well the important thing now is you must stay in contact with her. Assuming what you said in your OP is basically true and not just your unique perspective on the situation, she will want to talk sooner or later and who else would she want to talk to besides you?

If she's like most cisgender heterosexual women her age, she'll get randy sooner or later. Why would she have sex with somebody else if you're available?

I get that, but as I’ve said - she feels she isn’t ready for a relationship because of this baggage, and because of the long distance things got a lot more passionate whereas if we lived closer we could have taken things at a slower pace she was more comfortable with. She doesn’t want to promise that we'll get back together and didn’t want to hold me back (which I assume means she doesn’t want me waiting around for whenever she feels ready to be with someone and miss out on someone else), and I feel like if I message her trying to initiate a friendship after a little under two weeks, it’ll give off the impression that the relationship didn’t mean much to me.

That’s true, but I also know that she’s not really promiscuous and wouldn’t sleep with anyone she doesn’t have strong feelings for. She was fully intending on staying single before meeting me and was caught off guard by how much she fell for me.

One way for me to interpret what you just said is, any attempt on your part to contact her will trigger her. Which would only make sense if she had some reason to feel threatened by you. Meaning that she doesn't even consider you a friend let alone a boyfriend. I find this hard to believe, TBH this could be called autistic overthinking.

2 weeks is not too soon to reach out. You give the impression that you don't really ever expect to see or speak with her again anyway. So the worst that could happen is she ignores you. The more optimistic scenario is that she doesn't.

That’s not what I mean at all. What I mean is she said she wants to be friends, but without the expectation of getting back together hanging over it as that’s not something she wants to promise. I do want friendship, so I’ll be reaching out once I feel I’ve moved on enough to have that friendship. Maybe we'll get back together one day, but I’m happy to be her friend at the very least if that doesn’t happen.

By that, I meant she'll interpret me messaging as me having moved on already which isn’t the impression I want to give. I fully intend on reaching out once I know I’m ready to do so.

I admire your principles in this relationship. I think you are making the best decision. By waiting for your emotions and feelings for her to pass into friendship, you have the best chance for the best possible outcome. It doesn’t guarantee she will ever be willing to get back together or even be life long friends but if any of these are possible you will have proven yourself worthy of them.