Losing Hope in Dating

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Hello,

I have been trying to find a romantic relationship, but there have been times of having second thoughts due to self-doubt due to me thinking of "barriers" that may prevent me from seeing a potential partner. I'm 26 years old and have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome since 3.

The barriers I believe are making me have self-doubt:

- I still live with my parents. I do intend to find an apartment in the future.
- I work two part-time jobs. Of them, I'm hoping to do a full-time job on one of them since this is something I want to do as a career, and I'm still looking online via job search networks like LinkedIn.
- I don't have a driver's license. The written test is one of the most restrictive on passing scores in the nation, and I fear automobile accidents and insurance premiums increasing in that event.

Are there any women who would find an issue with these, and should I keep having hope?

My son is 29.
He lived away for undergrad and grad school but is back home.
Minimal work right now.
Over and under qualified.
Lots of debt.
No car.
ASD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, MDD.
He's had a girlfriend for nearly four years.

People’s mileage may vary but in general your eligibility for dating will improve markedly when you:

Get a full time job which enables you to at least pay your bills and live independently

Move out from your parents’ home. Even living with an apartment mate will increase your eligibility.

Learn to drive and buy a car.

You are only 26. Don’t despair yet. Work on self-improvement.

I used to work with a guy who had never learned to drive. He had a wife and a child. He has no plans on driving and his wife drives him to work. So yes, some women don't mind that. We are in the UK though and the public transport system here is pretty good compared to the USA, so I'm looking at this from a British perspective.

This is all much easier said than done these days, especially for autistics.

This is all stuff I am currently working on

I'm working on getting a job

I am still living in my parents' house but our worker Cathy is working on moving me and my brother out of here which will give us more options and make it easier to meet new people

Once we move it will also make it easier to learn how to drive because the DMV is in the same town

Everyone who has been giving me love advice has consistently said the same thing:

Work on self-improvement/self-care first then the rest will fall into place!

This is all a work-in-progress right now

That may be the case, but my point is still correct.

That is all very positive. And you have friends and family in your corner. Good for you.

Thanks

Yeah I'm working on finding love but it's a slow process

There's just one problem...

How am I going to be able to successfully untether from my brother?

This is THE thing that threatens to put a halt to my dreams of marriage and independance!

IDK what to do?!?

You aren't wrong @rse92 but I feel that @IsabellaLinton isn't wrong either

It is much harder for neuro-divergents like us to become fully independant thanks to our delays in development and the stigma surrounding Autism!

But it can be done if we are willing to put in the effort & resources needed

I am getting there, now it's just a matter of untethering from my brother!

I’m not sure if I fully understand how your brother tethers you. If my brother wasn’t married, we’d probably be sharing a house, I think.

Untethering from him will make it easier to achieve my goals

What happens if my husband wants just the 2 of us to live together without other people?

In order to become TRULY independant leaving my brother is necessary!

I made up my mind of what I'm going to do

I decided I am going to date men anyway and if/when it gets to the point of engagement it will then be too late to stop me or reverse the decision

He is just going to have to learn how to get along without me

It sounds kind of like you want to go from your brother's care to a partner's care.
Am I reading that correctly?

Independence would mean that you aren't with your brother or a partner.
It could also mean you're with someone by choice and not necessity or need.

There's no shame in needing support from a family member at any age.

sadly, won't surprise me if you have never dated, since its not unusual, or just quite common for lots of men on the spectrum to go deep, far into adulthood and have never dated, never had girlfriends before.

I think it is less that I need him to care for me and more that he needs me around as a replacement for our mom who is in a permanent rest home facility and will NEVER get to see this house ever again!

I would choose a partner because I love him and not as much for necessity or need