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Getting an Aspie girlfriend

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Niktereuto
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11 Sep 2023, 12:24 am

I'm 22 and I have never had a girlfriend.

I have been in love only 2 times in my life (both when I was in high school), but I was rejected all those two times.
My family is constantly pressuring me to get a girlfriend (especially my grandparents). For them, any girl in my life is OK, but it has to be soon. There are a few girls in my life and all of them are NTs.

A workmate, a girl, she's constantly telling me about her problems with her (ex) boyfriend.. My problem isn't to talk to people, my problem is to deal with people. According to what she has told me, and my treat with her and other NT people, sincerely I feel incapable of having a sentimental relationship with an NT. It seems so draining.

Once I read an article that suggested that successful relations for Aspies are with other Aspies.
I have been thinking about that, and I would like to start a relationship with an Aspie. But I don't know where to know other Aspies other than me.

In my location, ASD diagnoses aren't common unless they are noticeable. Few are cases as mine where the undiagnosed adult discovers he's autistic. Awareness of ASD isn't as developed in my country as in the US.


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MaxE
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11 Sep 2023, 5:49 am

Don't concern yourself with whether a girl is on the Autism spectrum. If a girl is friendly or will talk with you, you should consider her as a possible girlfriend. If a girl is single and isn't constantly hanging out with a group of close friends, then she might be interested. In fact, if you did know some who are autistic, you would probably find that they are less likely to want a boyfriend than most typical women their age. Also try to maintain an open mind about appearance, including fat girls.


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Mona Pereth
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11 Sep 2023, 6:42 am

MaxE wrote:
If a girl is single and isn't constantly hanging out with a group of close friends, then she might be interested.

Why do you think that "constantly hanging out with a group of close friends" means a woman would not also be interested in having a boyfriend?


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MaxE
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11 Sep 2023, 6:50 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
MaxE wrote:
If a girl is single and isn't constantly hanging out with a group of close friends, then she might be interested.

Why do you think that "constantly hanging out with a group of close friends" means a woman would not also be interested in having a boyfriend?

I don't. From my experience, women who spend their free time hanging out with close friends are less likely to be satisfied with a relationship with a man on the autism spectrum. A better bet is someone who spends more time on solitary pursuits and has a few close friends with whom they get together from time to time but aren't constantly hanging out with. Such a woman can enjoy being together with a partner as part of a couple without dying of boredom. He doesn't want a girlfriend who posts questions like "AS boyfriend ignores me half the time". If she wants constant attention like that, then she needs somebody else.


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RetroGamer87
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13 Sep 2023, 5:44 pm

Niktereuto wrote:
My family is constantly pressuring me to get a girlfriend (especially my grandparents). For them, any girl in my life is OK, but it has to be soon. There are a few girls in my life and all of them are NTs.

Don't get a girlfriend for them. Don't get a girlfriend for your grandparents. Don't get a girlfriend because your peers tell you that having a girlfriend is cool.

Get a girlfriend when and if you fall in love. There is no other reason.


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13 Sep 2023, 6:29 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Niktereuto wrote:
My family is constantly pressuring me to get a girlfriend (especially my grandparents). For them, any girl in my life is OK, but it has to be soon. There are a few girls in my life and all of them are NTs.

Don't get a girlfriend for them. Don't get a girlfriend for your grandparents. Don't get a girlfriend because your peers tell you that having a girlfriend is cool.

Get a girlfriend when and if you fall in love. There is no other reason.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS THIS THIS THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


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blitzkrieg
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13 Sep 2023, 6:31 pm

I agree with others in the thread.

Don't waste your time getting a girlfriend for the sake of it. That will not really benefit you or the other person, ultimately.



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14 Sep 2023, 6:11 am

I think the OP wants a girlfriend for himself. If he can find somebody whom he likes and wants to be his girlfriend, he should date her, even if he's not really "in love" with her (whatever that means).


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Niktereuto
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15 Sep 2023, 12:28 am

MaxE wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
MaxE wrote:
If a girl is single and isn't constantly hanging out with a group of close friends, then she might be interested.

Why do you think that "constantly hanging out with a group of close friends" means a woman would not also be interested in having a boyfriend?

I don't. From my experience, women who spend their free time hanging out with close friends are less likely to be satisfied with a relationship with a man on the autism spectrum. A better bet is someone who spends more time on solitary pursuits and has a few close friends with whom they get together from time to time but aren't constantly hanging out with. Such a woman can enjoy being together with a partner as part of a couple without dying of boredom. He doesn't want a girlfriend who posts questions like "AS boyfriend ignores me half the time". If she wants constant attention like that, then she needs somebody else.


I liked your description. That's what I'm looking for. Someone who can tolerate less attention and it's okay I we don't hang out with friends, and do NT things.


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MaxE
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15 Sep 2023, 5:49 am

Niktereuto wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
MaxE wrote:
If a girl is single and isn't constantly hanging out with a group of close friends, then she might be interested.

Why do you think that "constantly hanging out with a group of close friends" means a woman would not also be interested in having a boyfriend?

I don't. From my experience, women who spend their free time hanging out with close friends are less likely to be satisfied with a relationship with a man on the autism spectrum. A better bet is someone who spends more time on solitary pursuits and has a few close friends with whom they get together from time to time but aren't constantly hanging out with. Such a woman can enjoy being together with a partner as part of a couple without dying of boredom. He doesn't want a girlfriend who posts questions like "AS boyfriend ignores me half the time". If she wants constant attention like that, then she needs somebody else.


I liked your description. That's what I'm looking for. Someone who can tolerate less attention and it's okay I we don't hang out with friends, and do NT things.

Thanks!


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15 Sep 2023, 8:39 am

Niktereuto wrote:
I'm 22 and I have never had a girlfriend.

I have been in love only 2 times in my life (both when I was in high school), but I was rejected all those two times.
My family is constantly pressuring me to get a girlfriend (especially my grandparents). For them, any girl in my life is OK, but it has to be soon. There are a few girls in my life and all of them are NTs.

A workmate, a girl, she's constantly telling me about her problems with her (ex) boyfriend.. My problem isn't to talk to people, my problem is to deal with people. According to what she has told me, and my treat with her and other NT people, sincerely I feel incapable of having a sentimental relationship with an NT. It seems so draining.

Once I read an article that suggested that successful relations for Aspies are with other Aspies.
I have been thinking about that, and I would like to start a relationship with an Aspie. But I don't know where to know other Aspies other than me.

In my location, ASD diagnoses aren't common unless they are noticeable. Few are cases as mine where the undiagnosed adult discovers he's autistic. Awareness of ASD isn't as developed in my country as in the US.


You'd be surprised how many young men at the age of 22 never have had a girlfriend.

You are only 22. Don't make yourself crazy just yet.



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17 Sep 2023, 10:54 pm

MaxE wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
MaxE wrote:
If a girl is single and isn't constantly hanging out with a group of close friends, then she might be interested.

Why do you think that "constantly hanging out with a group of close friends" means a woman would not also be interested in having a boyfriend?

I don't. From my experience, women who spend their free time hanging out with close friends are less likely to be satisfied with a relationship with a man on the autism spectrum. A better bet is someone who spends more time on solitary pursuits and has a few close friends with whom they get together from time to time but aren't constantly hanging out with. Such a woman can enjoy being together with a partner as part of a couple without dying of boredom. He doesn't want a girlfriend who posts questions like "AS boyfriend ignores me half the time". If she wants constant attention like that, then she needs somebody else.
Me & my girlfriend are both on the spectrum & are both major loners with most people outside of famiy(I've always been an extreme loner with my family) but we are both very clingy with romantic partners & love spending lots of time together. Perhaps us not having friends is part of the reason why we're clingy within a romantic relationship. That said, we are both very boring people who both kinda need routein & predictability & get worn out from outside socializing. We hang out together alot at home doing the same few things & we don't have to constantly interact with each other while doing it. We both lime to be near each other. I tend to be a very quiet which is good because Cass talks a lot at times due to ADHD but other times she's distracted & doesn't talk much.


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RetroGamer87
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21 Sep 2023, 8:56 am

MaxE wrote:
I think the OP wants a girlfriend for himself. If he can find somebody whom he likes and wants to be his girlfriend, he should date her, even if he's not really "in love" with her (whatever that means).

He can if he wants but I'm not really sure that being in love with the idea of having a girlfriend is as healthy as being in love with a specific person.


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