Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps

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Yes and that's considered a different type of difficult. Weeding out the a lot of bad men for the good ones.

Sometimes women struggle to find any partner at all or sometimes they’ve only received interest from creeps. Some women on here have been single for a long time. Dating can be challenging for people for a lot of different reasons.

That's a good statement. I have something for any women reading this to think about: I'm aware you've heard of Bumble. If anyone is not aware, in this app the women have to make the first move. Once matched, the women has to start the conversation within 24 hours. What I've heard is Bumble is not doing so well due to this rule because men know that majority of women naturally do not approach. If women are having so much trouble with being the selectors, why can't they be the chasers? Do you think the likelihood of approaching a guy you find interesting would increase your chances of success or not?

Last edited by Graves Knight on 03 Aug 2024, 2:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sometimes women do approach men they’re interested in.
Meh. I’m not into approaching or being approached by strangers for the purpose of dating. Meeting people organically like through friends or some activity/social group centered around a shared interest is more my thing. I also typically prefer being friends with someone before dating them.

Did you mean Bumble? I did a brief foray into online dating last winter and I tried Bumble. I messaged a whole bunch of guys and only got a single date out of it. I was the one who asked him out. We met at the mall because his special interest was shoes. He was also autistic. Most of the guys I messaged totally ignored me. Which is fine? It's improbable to like everyone you match with.

I'm kind of a weird example, though, because I always initiated whether I was using Bumble, Boo, Hinge, CoffeeMeetsBagel, Hiki, etc. I might have scared guys off. I'd only match with somebody if I could think of something to say based on their profile. I got between 2-5 proper conversations per app, usually ending in it just sort of fizzling out. Occasionally ghosting. I got four real in-person dates between all my different apps and had the most "success" with Boo. I couldn't figure out how to keep momentum going for second dates, though, so I only saw each guy once. I had much better luck dating friends I'd known for years...well, no, that's a lie. Because the friendships imploded.

From everything I've seen/heard/read about online dating it's totally possible to get lucky, and I genuinely hope that everyone who tries an app does get lucky. I just found them rather disheartening and had to stop after a few months.

Thanks for your input. And yes I meant Bumble lol my bad. Sounds like you're did some approaching and it didn't all work out. I do find it strange guys don't engage with you. Any women that puts in effort to engage or bring things on her own to a conversation is very respectable in my eyes.

Last edited by Graves Knight on 03 Aug 2024, 2:00 am, edited 3 times in total.

That's my preferred method too. I wonder why that's not the solution in general. It increases your chances of finding someone. Unless your hobbies only attract the same sex as you.

For some people, it takes too much effort and time to "organically grow" a friendship into a committed, loving relationship.

For others, the lack of immediate success is very discouraging. Mutually-occurring and lasting "Love at First Sight" is so exceedingly rare as to be practically mythical.  That's why, when it does happen, it rates coverage in the social column on news websites.

Still others set their standards unreasonably high and narrow, and no amount of "organic" effort will get them a mate that meets those standard.

True but also some people have interests, personalities, disabilities, & issues that involve them staying home & not meeting many people in person. I'm one of those. My interests were things like watching TV, playing video-games, listening to music while doing things on computer like random web browsing, research, forum posting, playing old RPG games using emulators, or watching vids. I wasn't interested in things that involved going out & meeting others. The idea of pretending to like things I don't in order to meet other people seems to me like being fake. Putting on an act may turn out well in the movies but I bet most people in real life would be much less understanding & forgiving. I tried meeting people various other ways offline but I ended up mostly being around people a bit older than me. The exception was when I was working. I tried talking to various women at work but they weren't interested in me or just wanted me as a friend since we worked together or they were in a relationship. I met the three girlfriends I've had on online forums. The first was on a forum for a common interest & we became best friends before she told me she liked me. I met the other two on this forum & we weren't friends first. My current stalked my posts for a while before PMing me. I tried lots of dating sites but didn't get a single date. One major problem with dating sites is that there's lots of scammers & fakers on them, watch the MTV show Catfish for some examples. The bad actors doing online dating make online dating harder for the honest people

I'm glad it all worked out for you. My job has a very inconsistent scheduling. Most people at my job think I live there at this point. I'd tried dating a co-worker... It's a roll of a dice. We broke up last year and we still work the same shifts lol. If I'm not working I would be more on here, working on my storybook, or out in card game tournaments. However I wouldn't say it's a good place to meet women. It's mostly referred to as a "sausage fest."

As somebody who has never used dating apps (I was off the market before they took off) I find it confusing what the actual purpose of a dating app is? between two extremes - Is it for hook ups (as claimed) or is it to find compatible partner who mutually both understand they need to establish a lasting long term friendship first before romance blossoms or does anything go?

Dating apps are, essentially, just a vehicle to connect people. What people want from the connection varies widely, and is probably one of the major issues with dating apps to begin with: it's hard to know if you're on the same page as the people you match with. They can be used for hookups, or to find somebody to marry, or anything in between. There are also scammers and bots and bad actors who want your money. I once got a guy who wanted me to follow his OnlyFans as the reason he matched with me

But we also have to remember that the apps exist to make money. So that's probably the real purpose.

Yes your explanation makes sense Rhapsody, but do subscribers now what they are signing up for? or is it buyer beware? I personally would not have the patience to read the terms and conditions and how do users (particularly female) get protected from violent individuals who from what I read able to get away with assaulting or taking without consent
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/20 ... predators/

Well...that's a horrifying story. New fear unlocked.

I never bothered to try the paid versions of any apps, so I can't speak to getting what you pay for. But I can speak about protections for female users, seeing as I was one. The protections on the apps I tried were all pretty minimal. The most powerful tool in the arsenal is unmatching with people. This gives you the ability to stop contact with a person, and you can report them if they did anything against the rules. So, for example, I unmatched with Mr. OnlyFans and reported him. I have no way of knowing if anything came of that though.

The majority of the "safety features" in apps are little popup warnings that remind you not to do various things. Like, for example, apps tell you not to trade email, socials, or phone numbers with users. It's very hard to tell if this is a bid to keep people safe like they claim, as the warning notes they have no authority to assist you if you use something other than their chat function, or if it is another excuse to keep you using their system for monetization purposes. I was also given a popup when I shared the address of a park warning me not to share my location. Which is solid advice. I dunno if men get these too, but often when I'd sign up I'd get a mini "safety course" warning me to make sure friends/family always knew where I was when I was on dates, to only meet in public places, to avoid consuming too much alcohol. It's all basic safety stuff that's drilled into women. Some apps also have the option to "verify" profiles through various means and those are generally safer because they're less likely to be bots or catfish.

One scary thing I remember from my adventure on the dating sites was that guys can find you on multiple platforms if you use more than one. I had a conversation with this guy on one of the sites, then he messaged me "found you!" on another site. I trusted this guy because he was also autistic and he gave me some tips on my dating profile because he was concerned I'd attract predators, but if it had been someone I'd had negative interactions with it probably would have been pretty scary. On the whole I was insanely lucky that I didn't run into anyone particularly terrible, got no unsolicited genital pictures, and never felt in any danger.

Stay safe, my daughter isn't allowed to use them.

Yeah it's pretty bad guys direct message you on completely different platform without giving permission to. I've only done that when she states it's ok to do so. Even then she wouldn't respond anyway.