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A part of me wants to give up with dating

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chris1989
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09 Nov 2024, 2:44 pm

I have heard the saying "There is plenty more fish in the sea." But I seem find it quite hard to embrace that saying in order to remind me. To me, it feels like that sea is getting less of an abundance especially when I see people both in real life and on social media, in relationships, and married with kids, some are those from school or college days and some are colleagues from work. I know very well I am not the only one in the same situation but hard to fight the negative thoughts that contradict the positive. A part of me doesn't want to date anyone who has children or date anyone much older than me. A part of me feels that there maybe seems to be other people younger who have it better when it comes to dating because maybe not all their peers have settled down, got married, had kids etc yet but even though I know no body knows how old I am, they will probably still not be interested in me.



Last edited by chris1989 on 09 Nov 2024, 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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09 Nov 2024, 2:51 pm

The 4B movement goes both ways, y'know.


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Mikurotoro92
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09 Nov 2024, 4:29 pm

You have to change your mindset if you ever want any chance of getting to your goal @chris1989!! !

Women aren't attracted to pessimistic people who constantly self-loathe!

We want a man who is positive and happy

In other words, be a "SpongeBob SquarePants" not a "Squidward Tentacles"!

A therapist can help you rewire your mindset which will make it easier to attract women

Please DON'T give up on dating!! !



WantToHaveALife
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09 Nov 2024, 6:19 pm

if there is anything i have observed over the years, its that, men more often than women, will overlook pessimistic and self-loathness than the other way around, as in, men will overlook that and see it as they are saving or rescuing the woman from loneliness, but not the other way around. Its another reminder that as a guy, the world isn't coming to save you.



Mikurotoro92
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09 Nov 2024, 7:42 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
if there is anything i have observed over the years, its that, men more often than women, will overlook pessimistic and self-loathness than the other way around, as in, men will overlook that and see it as they are saving or rescuing the woman from loneliness, but not the other way around. Its another reminder that as a guy, the world isn't coming to save you.


Yeah it seems in dating and relationships men do have it harder than women!! !

I was once in that state of self-loathing and constant rumination about my love life

Until I met David

Then everything changed when I shifted out of that "needy damsel-in-distress" mindset!



WantToHaveALife
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09 Nov 2024, 7:46 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
if there is anything i have observed over the years, its that, men more often than women, will overlook pessimistic and self-loathness than the other way around, as in, men will overlook that and see it as they are saving or rescuing the woman from loneliness, but not the other way around. Its another reminder that as a guy, the world isn't coming to save you.


Yeah it seems in dating and relationships men do have it harder than women!! !

I was once in that state of self-loathing and constant rumination about my love life

Until I met David

Then everything changed when I shifted out of that "needy damsel-in-distress" mindset!


are you saying that when you as a woman, were self-loathing, did it cause you to turn men off?



Mikurotoro92
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09 Nov 2024, 8:27 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
if there is anything i have observed over the years, its that, men more often than women, will overlook pessimistic and self-loathness than the other way around, as in, men will overlook that and see it as they are saving or rescuing the woman from loneliness, but not the other way around. Its another reminder that as a guy, the world isn't coming to save you.


Yeah it seems in dating and relationships men do have it harder than women!! !

I was once in that state of self-loathing and constant rumination about my love life

Until I met David

Then everything changed when I shifted out of that "needy damsel-in-distress" mindset!


are you saying that when you as a woman, were self-loathing, did it cause you to turn men off?


Yes, that is EXACTLY what I am saying

Needy kind of energy is not the kind you want to be broadcasting to people!! !



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10 Nov 2024, 12:52 am

Chris, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If you need a break: take it. It might be good for your mental health to stop dwelling on this for awhile. Maybe you should take a break from social media for a little while too? I'm sure you know that it's all fake, but it's really hard not to make comparisons. I hope things get better for you and you find a way to combat the negative thoughts :heart: Good luck!

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
In other words, be a "SpongeBob SquarePants" not a "Squidward Tentacles"!

This is totally off topic, but is this really a good analogy? I've never watched more than a few episodes of the show. Does SpongeBob really have that much dating success? I thought it was mostly just silly antics and that Squidward was the one everybody was weirdly attracted to. :lol:



Mikurotoro92
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10 Nov 2024, 1:02 am

Rhapsody wrote:
Chris, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If you need a break: take it. It might be good for your mental health to stop dwelling on this for awhile. Maybe you should take a break from social media for a little while too? I'm sure you know that it's all fake, but it's really hard not to make comparisons. I hope things get better for you and you find a way to combat the negative thoughts :heart: Good luck!

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
In other words, be a "SpongeBob SquarePants" not a "Squidward Tentacles"!

This is totally off topic, but is this really a good analogy? I've never watched more than a few episodes of the show. Does SpongeBob really have that much dating success? I thought it was mostly just silly antics and that Squidward was the one everybody was weirdly attracted to. :lol:


Lol I didn't mean to compare them in that way!! !

I meant since SpongeBob SquarePants has a cheerful and optimistic disposition that people who want more success in life should be striving to be more like him (SpongeBob-type energy) instead of people (like chris1989) constantly ruminating & feeling sorry for themselves (Squidward-type energy)



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10 Nov 2024, 1:26 am

For me, it's because finding someone in my area who isn't a die hard Trump supporter is like finding a needle in a haystack.


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10 Nov 2024, 1:36 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Lol I didn't mean to compare them in that way!! !

I meant since SpongeBob SquarePants has a cheerful and optimistic disposition that people who want more success in life should be striving to be more like him (SpongeBob-type energy) instead of people (like chris1989) constantly ruminating & feeling sorry for themselves (Squidward-type energy)

Oh! Okay, that makes much more sense than everybody wanting to date SpongeBob. He was not the benchmark I was expecting when it came to dateable men. :lol:



Mikurotoro92
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10 Nov 2024, 2:45 am

Rhapsody wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Lol I didn't mean to compare them in that way!! !

I meant since SpongeBob SquarePants has a cheerful and optimistic disposition that people who want more success in life should be striving to be more like him (SpongeBob-type energy) instead of people (like chris1989) constantly ruminating & feeling sorry for themselves (Squidward-type energy)

Oh! Okay, that makes much more sense than everybody wanting to date SpongeBob. He was not the benchmark I was expecting when it came to dateable men. :lol:


Lol yeah

But he is a cutie-pie with his big blue eyes, buckteeth, dress shoes and square pants hehe... :heart: :heart: :heart:

Uh...where was I now?

In all seriousness, let's compare SpongeBob and Squidward:

One character has an optimistic and cheerful personality while the other is pessimistic and grumpy

Which character do you think would be the most successful in their life based on their overall personality & disposition?

Hint: It's NOT Squidward...



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10 Nov 2024, 3:07 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
In all seriousness, let's compare SpongeBob and Squidward:

One character has an optimistic and cheerful personality while the other is pessimistic and grumpy

Which character do you think would be the most successful in their life based on their overall personality & disposition?

Hint: It's NOT Squidward...

This is so funny. I'm sorry, Chris

Correct me if I'm wrong as I haven't seen much of the show, but haven't SpongeBob and Squidward achieved the same level of success? They both have their own houses, they have the same job, neither of them date very successfully. I'm honestly not sure SpongeBob would be that much more successful than Squidward? Even with being optimistic. Since he's often optimistic to the point of stupidity and it bites him in the butt.

I think we need a third, more datable option. Are there any realists on the show? :lol: Given my dating history, though, I'd 100% date Squidward



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10 Nov 2024, 5:09 am

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Rhapsody wrote:
Chris, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If you need a break: take it. It might be good for your mental health to stop dwelling on this for awhile. Maybe you should take a break from social media for a little while too? I'm sure you know that it's all fake, but it's really hard not to make comparisons. I hope things get better for you and you find a way to combat the negative thoughts :heart: Good luck!

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
In other words, be a "SpongeBob SquarePants" not a "Squidward Tentacles"!

This is totally off topic, but is this really a good analogy? I've never watched more than a few episodes of the show. Does SpongeBob really have that much dating success? I thought it was mostly just silly antics and that Squidward was the one everybody was weirdly attracted to. :lol:


Lol I didn't mean to compare them in that way!! !

I meant since SpongeBob SquarePants has a cheerful and optimistic disposition that people who want more success in life should be striving to be more like him (SpongeBob-type energy) instead of people (like chris1989) constantly ruminating & feeling sorry for themselves (Squidward-type energy)


I want Quagmire-type energy (from Family Guy), but that would put me on an FBI watch list.


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Mikurotoro92
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10 Nov 2024, 6:32 am

Rhapsody wrote:
Mikurotoro92 wrote:
In all seriousness, let's compare SpongeBob and Squidward:

One character has an optimistic and cheerful personality while the other is pessimistic and grumpy

Which character do you think would be the most successful in their life based on their overall personality & disposition?

Hint: It's NOT Squidward...

This is so funny. I'm sorry, Chris

Correct me if I'm wrong as I haven't seen much of the show, but haven't SpongeBob and Squidward achieved the same level of success? They both have their own houses, they have the same job, neither of them date very successfully. I'm honestly not sure SpongeBob would be that much more successful than Squidward? Even with being optimistic. Since he's often optimistic to the point of stupidity and it bites him in the butt.

I think we need a third, more datable option. Are there any realists on the show? :lol: Given my dating history, though, I'd 100% date Squidward


Well, SpongeBob's main goal is to get his boating license which he hasn't successfully done yet

And Squidward wants to become a famous clarinet player & artist which he hasn't successfully done yet either

So yeah I think they would be on an equal playing field!! !

There are women in the show who might secretly harbor feelings for SpongeBob like Pearl, Sandy and even Mrs. Puff

And I think Sandy and Mrs.Puff both might have a thing for Squidward... :heart: :heart: :heart:

Lol it's a kids' cartoon series!



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10 Nov 2024, 9:58 am

Giving up on someone one is not good at isn't always a bad idea. It can be liberating as well. I know how you feel, though, when it seems like you are the only single person out there and are constantly reminded of it. That really does suck.