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Crush does not care

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blitzkrieg
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19 Nov 2024, 1:39 pm

Well, whatever will be will be, now.

The cat is already out of the bag, as the colloquialism goes.



Jamesy
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19 Nov 2024, 1:43 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
Well, whatever will be will be, now.

The cat is already out of the bag, as the colloquialism goes.



Do you think it’s to late now to save the friendship?



DuckHairback
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19 Nov 2024, 1:49 pm

If you want my opinion, trying to maintain a friendship with a girl you have deeper feelings for is a fast track to pain and misery. I don't even think you can be a friend to her if you're not being honest and you can't be honest because that puts its own strain on the relationship.

I'd say your best chance of saving the friendship is to get over your crush asap and in my experience is much easier to get over someone if you keep your distance for a while.


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Jamesy
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19 Nov 2024, 1:51 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
If you want my opinion, trying to maintain a friendship with a girl you have deeper feelings for is a fast track to pain and misery. I don't even think you can be a friend to her if you're not being honest and you can't be honest because that puts its own strain on the relationship.

I'd say your best chance of saving the friendship is to get over your crush asap and in my experience is much easier to get over someone if you keep your distance for a while.



Okay fair enough. Weird though that her boyfriend has continued texting me via WhatsApp



Last edited by Jamesy on 19 Nov 2024, 1:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

funeralxempire
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19 Nov 2024, 1:51 pm

Jamesy wrote:
The problem is when I get drunk I start speaking my mind


f**k man, ever consider not drinking so much when you're with other people?

If drinking makes you behave inappropriately, don't drink so much.


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Jamesy
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19 Nov 2024, 1:52 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
The problem is when I get drunk I start speaking my mind


f**k man, ever consider not drinking so much when you're with other people?

If drinking makes you behave inappropriately, don't drink so much.



I drink fast because of anxiety



DuckHairback
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19 Nov 2024, 1:57 pm

But you don't have to.

That's what we mean about changing behaviour.

You're self-aware enough to know that's what's happening. So you know the behaviour that needs to change to get a different outcome.

You might not like it, but you do know what you need to do.


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Jamesy
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19 Nov 2024, 1:58 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
But you don't have to.

That's what we mean about changing behaviour.

You're self-aware enough to know that's what's happening. So you know the behaviour that needs to change to get a different outcome.

You might not like it, but you do know what you need to do.



I am a complete idiot



funeralxempire
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19 Nov 2024, 1:59 pm

Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
The problem is when I get drunk I start speaking my mind


f**k man, ever consider not drinking so much when you're with other people?

If drinking makes you behave inappropriately, don't drink so much.



I drink fast because of anxiety


Stop always relying on excuses for inappropriate behaviour.

You do this a lot, ask a question about your behaviour, receive feedback and then start making excuses for why the behaviour isn't as big of deal as you just told us it was. It makes it seem like you're completely unwilling to be accountable for your behaviour, which also means you can't be expected to make an effort to improve because you'll just offer excuses for why you're completely helpless and incapable of making an effort or even seriously acknowledging that there's a problem and you're the source of it.

Seriously, if you want better outcomes you need to hold yourself accountable for your failings and short-comings and then consistently make an effort to alter your previous patterns of behaviour.

If you don't want to hold yourself accountable or make an effort, stop complaining that people see you as a creep because apparently you're unwilling to make an effort to change things. It seems like what you really want is a pat on the back and to be told they're the as*hole not you.

I'm not angry with you but it's deeply frustrating to have to keep having this same discussion or to have to walk on eggshells to avoid hurting your feelings when your own behaviours are the source of the problem.

Hold yourself accountable.
Make an effort.
Do better.


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"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


funeralxempire
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19 Nov 2024, 2:00 pm

Jamesy wrote:
DuckHairback wrote:
But you don't have to.

That's what we mean about changing behaviour.

You're self-aware enough to know that's what's happening. So you know the behaviour that needs to change to get a different outcome.

You might not like it, but you do know what you need to do.



I am a complete idiot


Publicly beating up on yourself like this is another example of behaviour used to avoid taking responsibility for your own behaviour. Stop it.


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"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


DuckHairback
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19 Nov 2024, 2:00 pm

Again, if you label yourself an idiot, well that's what you are and you can't change what you are.

More accurate, and positive, to say that you sometimes behave idiotically.

Change the behaviour.


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Jamesy
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19 Nov 2024, 2:01 pm

Your guys are right maybe i should give wrong planet a break



funeralxempire
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19 Nov 2024, 2:01 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
Again, if you label yourself an idiot, well that's what you are and you can't change what you are.

More accurate, and positive, to say that you sometimes behave idiotically.

Change the behaviour.


Well said.


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"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


funeralxempire
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19 Nov 2024, 2:02 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Your guys are right maybe i should give wrong planet a break


Visiting Wrong Planet isn't the problematic behaviour.

Drinking and behaving inappropriately afterwards is.


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"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


blitzkrieg
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19 Nov 2024, 2:12 pm

Jamesy wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Well, whatever will be will be, now.

The cat is already out of the bag, as the colloquialism goes.



Do you think it’s to late now to save the friendship?


Possibly. I think only time will tell.

You might get lucky and this girl might be forgiving of your crush on her and might be willing to ignore it. In which case you don't want to push your luck by mentioning it anymore, to anyone.



Jamesy
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19 Nov 2024, 2:16 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Well, whatever will be will be, now.

The cat is already out of the bag, as the colloquialism goes.



Do you think it’s to late now to save the friendship?


Possibly. I think only time will tell.

You might get lucky and this girl might be forgiving of your crush on her and might be willing to ignore it. In which case you don't want to push your luck by mentioning it anymore, to anyone.



All I have to do is shut my mouth when I get drunk