Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Still not much luck after 17 years

Page 2 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 29,353
Location: Right over your left shoulder

26 Nov 2024, 5:16 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Guess I am s**t out of luck :?


It's probably going to be more difficult than average, but that's not the same as s-oo-l.


_________________
I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face
"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,411
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Nov 2024, 5:26 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Guess I am s**t out of luck :?


It's probably going to be more difficult than average, but that's not the same as s-oo-l.



She’s engaged now



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 29,353
Location: Right over your left shoulder

26 Nov 2024, 5:30 pm

Jamesy wrote:
She’s engaged now


She hasn't been relevant in ages though. You finding someone doesn't mean you'll find luck with someone you've already met. You have to meet more people if you want to find someone.


_________________
I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face
"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


Mikurotoro92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,079
Location: Mushroom Kingdom or Bikini Bottom

26 Nov 2024, 6:04 pm

You just gotta be proactive in going after what you want @Jamesy!! !

Don't give up, it just takes Autistic people a little longer to find a partner!



SailorsGuy12
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2024
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 67

26 Nov 2024, 6:18 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's true.
Whether or not it's a harsh lesson or just an example seems entirely an internal matter.



I have had opportunities with drunk girls but that certainly does not count


Those sound like potential hookup opportunities, not like something that would be likely to evolve into a relationship.

Ignoring the (valid) concerns about intoxication and consent, if someone's out for a pub crawl and a hookup or makeout session they're probably not likely to be pursuing the beginnings of a relationship that evening.


Isn't intoxication in general risky?


_________________
Current college student looking for a new job.

"Capitalism" or free-market != oppression


SailorsGuy12
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2024
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 67

26 Nov 2024, 6:23 pm

OP, have you tried online dating before? I wouldn't recommend it anymore, I have tried quite a few of the apps on and off over the last near-10 years and I got crickets 99% over all those same apps. It does really seem like it only works in your favor if you are a top 1-5% man in looks.

I'd recommend salvaging whatever connections and face-to-face meeting you can at this point.


_________________
Current college student looking for a new job.

"Capitalism" or free-market != oppression


Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,411
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Nov 2024, 6:24 pm

We could have made such a cute couple :(



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,411
Location: Near London United Kingdom

26 Nov 2024, 6:25 pm

SailorsGuy12 wrote:
OP, have you tried online dating before? I wouldn't recommend it anymore, I have tried quite a few of the apps on and off over the last near-10 years and I got crickets 99% over all those same apps. It does really seem like it only works in your favor if you are a top 1-5% man in looks.

I'd recommend salvaging whatever connections and face-to-face meeting you can at this point.




But women don’t have to be 1-5% in looks to succeed on dating apps so why do men?



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 29,353
Location: Right over your left shoulder

26 Nov 2024, 6:42 pm

SailorsGuy12 wrote:
Isn't intoxication in general risky?


So are a lot of fun things. :nerdy:


_________________
I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face
"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


SailorsGuy12
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2024
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 67

26 Nov 2024, 7:07 pm

Jamesy wrote:
SailorsGuy12 wrote:
OP, have you tried online dating before? I wouldn't recommend it anymore, I have tried quite a few of the apps on and off over the last near-10 years and I got crickets 99% over all those same apps. It does really seem like it only works in your favor if you are a top 1-5% man in looks.

I'd recommend salvaging whatever connections and face-to-face meeting you can at this point.




But women don’t have to be 1-5% in looks to succeed on dating apps so why do men?

Biology I believe.


_________________
Current college student looking for a new job.

"Capitalism" or free-market != oppression


Pink Zeppelin
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2024
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: Pluto the 9th Planet

27 Nov 2024, 12:31 am

Jamesy wrote:
When I was 18 in college one of my friends tried to hook me up with this girl even saying “Me and her would make a cute couple”. I rejected/ignored her because she was not my type.

Since then i have never really had an opportunity like that come up ever since. Do you think this is a tough lesson learnt for me that in life you only get limited chances to find that special person to spend the rest of your life with? Back then I was in a much better social situation than I am now since I was in college and but at the moment despite volunteering I am still unemployed


Been there, done that, regretted it also. Still regret some of the opportunities I missed. I don't believe there is only one person out there for each of us. There is probably a pool of people who would work with us-at least for most of us. Thinking there is only one soulmate sure makes things difficult because you reject anyone you don't completely click with. We have to settle for most things work, there isn't the perfect person out there.

As hard as it is, you have to try to move on from the regret and realize that there is nothing you can do about that one now.



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,411
Location: Near London United Kingdom

27 Nov 2024, 4:50 am

SailorsGuy12 wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
SailorsGuy12 wrote:
OP, have you tried online dating before? I wouldn't recommend it anymore, I have tried quite a few of the apps on and off over the last near-10 years and I got crickets 99% over all those same apps. It does really seem like it only works in your favor if you are a top 1-5% man in looks.

I'd recommend salvaging whatever connections and face-to-face meeting you can at this point.




But women don’t have to be 1-5% in looks to succeed on dating apps so why do men?

Biology I believe.




Biology? Thar still doesn't explain why



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 74,889
Location: UK

27 Nov 2024, 6:53 am

Sorry you've not had much luck mate


_________________
We have existence


Pink Zeppelin
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2024
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: Pluto the 9th Planet

27 Nov 2024, 10:27 am

Jamesy wrote:
SailorsGuy12 wrote:
Jamesy wrote:



But women don’t have to be 1-5% in looks to succeed on dating apps so why do men?

Biology I believe.




Biology? Thar still doesn't explain why


Evolutionary psychology (which would be linked to biology) would say that men are much less choosy then women. From a biological standpoint men have little investment in reproduction and offspring. Pump and dump would be their best mating strategy because it would allow them to spread their genes as widely as possible, which would insure some of their genes survive to reproductive age.

Women have a much larger investment in that once they are pregnant they have to spend 9 months carrying an infant, then nursing and caring for it for several years. There is also a biological limit to how many children a woman can produce, but not for men. So women are much more selective, wanting to insure that their offspring will have good genes that will be selected by the next generation for reproduction.

Or in simple terms, a large group of men will sleep with anything regardless of looks, you see this behavior much less in women.



duck12
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 28 May 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 152
Location: New Jersey

28 Nov 2024, 9:17 am

Is it really a bad thing to stay single and focus on interests? Maybe taking a class to get better at something? I know Coursera has a lot of courses for things you can learn and it may help you with trades in the long run.



Pink Zeppelin
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2024
Gender: Male
Posts: 76
Location: Pluto the 9th Planet

28 Nov 2024, 11:21 am

For a non-biological answer, there are probably 5 times as many guys on dating apps are their are women, so women have a much larger pool to choose from, so they can be more picky. I assume that the ratio is guy heavy because men are expected to make the first move, ask the girl out, etc. Rejection sucks, but it is probably easier to be rejected by someone virtually than rejected face to face.