What does it feel like to be in love?

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adversarial
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16 Sep 2005, 3:51 pm

aaronkt wrote:
Even though I've had many crushes, I've never actually been madly in love. What does it feel like to be in love? I ask this so I will know in the future so I know the diffrence between being in love and just having an emotional rush.


I really do not know the difference. I think it might come down to whether or not the affections are reciprocated. If they are reciprocated, then it is 'love' (well, at least for a few months), if the feelings are not reciprocated, then it is an 'immature infatuation'..

These days, things are simpler since there is far less pressure to procrastinate.

Interestingly, the stakes are higher in terms of eligibiilty, because expectations are higher. Having said that however, Object Choice still errs downscale rather than up, if the evidence of my senses are to be believed.


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Absolute_Zero
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17 Sep 2005, 8:16 am

Hahahaha, it's amazing how this was brought up on another forum and my reply went something like this...

It's like somebody beat you in the face with a frying pan, dumped cold water on your head, knocked you down a flight of stairs, plopped you in snow up to your neck, roasted you in a sauna, starved you and kept you awake for 3 days straight. :S

Actually I don't know but I might be able to tell you quite soon enough.



Thagomizer
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17 Sep 2005, 11:26 am

Being in love is wildly different from having crushes. Crushes are exciting. Love is not. "True love" is actually calming and comforting.


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Serissa
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17 Sep 2005, 4:58 pm

Thagomizer wrote:
Being in love is wildly different from having crushes. Crushes are exciting. Love is not. "True love" is actually calming and comforting.


Ha! Infatuation is like an upper, and "true love" is like a downer.

Or is that a downer?

Or am I a downer?

((Yes. Refer to me as Klonopin from now on. Additionally, I apologize to all of WP, or those who read this; I pun compulsively.))



rhubarbpluscustard
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20 Sep 2005, 2:19 pm

At first, like getting beaten up and jumping off a cliff and riding a roller coaster and being buffeted by a giant wave, and all those things people have said. Then it calms down. Another thing I've felt is a deep wish to give the beloved something, anything- whatever they want or need.

It's also kind of like perseverating on a person, if that helps... :P



Serissa
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20 Sep 2005, 3:17 pm

rhubarbpluscustard wrote:
At first, like getting beaten up and jumping off a cliff and riding a roller coaster and being buffeted by a giant wave, and all those things people have said. Then it calms down. Another thing I've felt is a deep wish to give the beloved something, anything- whatever they want or need.

It's also kind of like perseverating on a person, if that helps... :P


...and being shot out of a cannon into a brike wall, and having dental surgery performed with no medication, and having your nails pulled out, and snorting lemon juice, and...



Belfast
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22 Sep 2005, 2:11 am

Concept/actual experience of LOVE has always been baffling, more or less, all my life.
A textbook explained this (Triangular theory...by R. J. Sternberg, 1986) that makes some sense to me. High or Low levels in 3 areas of relationship interaction-Intimacy, Passion, and Decision & Commitment.
Intimacy * Passion * Decison & Commitment
Nonlove : Low * Low * Low
Liking : High * Low * Low
Infatuated Love: Low * High * Low
Romantic Love: High * High * Low
Empty Love: Low * Low * High
Companionate Love: High * Low * High
Fatuous Love: Low * High * High
Consummate Love: High * High * High
Just one way to look at how to measure or understand what type of relationship one is having with whomever. That's all. Still have personal difficulty w/ what's difference between wanting & needing someone, and how specific or general is my attachment/attraction ? Work in progress...



Serissa
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22 Sep 2005, 7:13 am

Belfast wrote:
Concept/actual experience of LOVE has always been baffling, more or less, all my life.
A textbook explained this (Triangular theory...by R. J. Sternberg, 1986) that makes some sense to me. High or Low levels in 3 areas of relationship interaction-Intimacy, Passion, and Decision & Commitment.
Intimacy * Passion * Decison & Commitment
Nonlove : Low * Low * Low
Liking : High * Low * Low
Infatuated Love: Low * High * Low
Romantic Love: High * High * Low
Empty Love: Low * Low * High
Companionate Love: High * Low * High
Fatuous Love: Low * High * High
Consummate Love: High * High * High
Just one way to look at how to measure or understand what type of relationship one is having with whomever. That's all. Still have personal difficulty w/ what's difference between wanting & needing someone, and how specific or general is my attachment/attraction ? Work in progress...


I also like this model (I knew it aleady but I always forget about half, so, quoted from wikipedia):

Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick developed a Loves Attitude Scale based on John Alan Lee's theory called Love styles. Lee identified six basic theories that people use in their interpersonal relationships:

Eros — a passionate physical love based on physical appearance
Ludus — love is played as a game; love is playful
Storge — an affectionate love that slowly develops, based on similarity
Pragma — pragmatic love
Mania — highly emotional love; unstable; the stereotype of romantic love
Agape — selfless altruistic love; spiritual
Hendrick and Hendrick found men tend to be more ludic and manic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer.



fiver
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23 Sep 2005, 3:33 pm

jello A/all....

fiver has been watching this for a while now, and the more we do, the more interesting it gets.

at first i was very satisfied with the very mature comment by Mr. Mutant; it was extremely good advice. but then this concept of a rating system for "love", a word with so many meanings.

it seems a reasonable system to quantify love after the fact. but the language of this brain chemistry based feeling that i have been through so very many times; enough so that there are factions in my system who look forward to the "high" that it can bring on. and other's who never want to go through "that" again. this language needs a more "human" face on it in this bunny's opinion.

i have found that once i have "loved" a person; that love never really goes away even when the person does. even in the case of people who "have done me wrong", the love or feeling still persists for years; decades.

then there are the situations in which i have felt love for someone, and yet i knew that such love would never be; could never be, returned in any romantic way. and yet, this love i had been geven, left me with no choice but to act toward the person as if they were a part of my heart. this while still respecting the person's primary responsibilities and relationships. i found it best in these situations to act on the best of my feeling until the brain chemistry returned to more normal levels. this love, fiver calls "Courtly love"; and it can be most intense. there is of course, the love that i find myself acting on where Children are concerned. acting in their protection and welfare, and for their future. but that can become confused at times when my own "system children" come out and want to make friends and play with the more corporal Children. this love comes under the heading of "the greatest love of all". some will know what fiver means by that term, and other's will not. there is yet another "love" that i feel, separate from the other two. this is the love that i feel in conjunction with "Respect", when in service to a True Dominant. in such a case, i will always work at keeping the "Respect" between The Dominant and fiver. it gives context to the love while it limits the "familiarity quotient". it is very true that familiarity breeds contempt. this is the love i have for my "Lege"; He or She Who would master my rather complex and disjointed life. there is another love; one of the most enduring i have found. it is the love i feel for the nameless one fiver talks to each night. the one she seeks to know, as it would seem this one knows her. the one she serves by knowing herself, and by serving other's.

fiver is "poly" in her love; she can and does love more than one at a time. many more. and at the same time, she is not jealous of others who love the ones whom she loves. in fact, she opens herself to love for them as well. we cherish the love it has been our privilege to have felt in our life. and we fear it as well..... we never know what love will ask of us that we cannot refuse.

fiver of the little thousand



Soma
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29 Sep 2005, 3:14 am

chamoisee, aye! But don't it feel so incredibly exciting? (I got my first ever kiss 3 wks ago.)


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lchadd_uk
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29 Sep 2005, 9:56 am

It feels like you are always happy and warm.
It is undescribable.



NeantHumain
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29 Sep 2005, 9:59 am

rhubarbpluscustard wrote:
At first, like getting beaten up and jumping off a cliff and riding a roller coaster and being buffeted by a giant wave, and all those things people have said. Then it calms down. Another thing I've felt is a deep wish to give the beloved something, anything- whatever they want or need.

It's also kind of like perseverating on a person, if that helps... :P

That all sounds very familiar. Of course, it works out nicer if the person actually likes you, too.



aspergian_mutant
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04 Jun 2008, 10:45 pm

Bump



ToadOfSteel
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05 Jun 2008, 12:29 am

When I fell in love for the first time in my life (around the time of my 14th birthday), I didn't even realize it at first, as I really didn't have any idea what love actually was in that context. It felt like, for the first time in my life, a piece of my personality that was heretofore unrecognized clicked into place. I felt complete for the first time in my life.

Owing to my non-existent social skills at the time, I completely blew my chance with her, and therefore that love went unrequitied (and persists even to this day). Nowadays, I'm lucky if i see her more than 2 or 3 times a year. And yet, everytime I do see her, that "complete" feeling returns. And each time, it's stronger...

Yes, I know it sounds cliche, but it's the way I feel... because, thanks to love, I can feel...



Cyanide
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05 Jun 2008, 12:50 am

It's been too long for me to remember....almost 4 years now, wow!



jawbrodt
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05 Jun 2008, 2:11 am

I am confident that someday I will know. :wink: :)


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