Belfast wrote:
Concept/actual experience of LOVE has always been baffling, more or less, all my life.
A textbook explained this (Triangular theory...by R. J. Sternberg, 1986) that makes some sense to me. High or Low levels in 3 areas of relationship interaction-Intimacy, Passion, and Decision & Commitment.
Intimacy * Passion * Decison & Commitment
Nonlove : Low * Low * Low
Liking : High * Low * Low
Infatuated Love: Low * High * Low
Romantic Love: High * High * Low
Empty Love: Low * Low * High
Companionate Love: High * Low * High
Fatuous Love: Low * High * High
Consummate Love: High * High * High
Just one way to look at how to measure or understand what type of relationship one is having with whomever. That's all. Still have personal difficulty w/ what's difference between wanting & needing someone, and how specific or general is my attachment/attraction ? Work in progress...
I also like this model (I knew it aleady but I always forget about half, so, quoted from wikipedia):
Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick developed a Loves Attitude Scale based on John Alan Lee's theory called Love styles. Lee identified six basic theories that people use in their interpersonal relationships:
Eros — a passionate physical love based on physical appearance
Ludus — love is played as a game; love is playful
Storge — an affectionate love that slowly develops, based on similarity
Pragma — pragmatic love
Mania — highly emotional love; unstable; the stereotype of romantic love
Agape — selfless altruistic love; spiritual
Hendrick and Hendrick found men tend to be more ludic and manic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer.