my problems with girls

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hello im new to this site, i hope i don't offend anyone, i just found out a few months ago that i have asperger's i also have adhd and a slight case of depression. im currently in my second year of college, the few friends i have are female. i don't get along well with other guys so i spend my time at school with females, i have always been stuck in the "just friends" section. that's not the whole problem though i have had a few crushes but most of them i get over real easy, but the past three girls i have had big crushes on, once i got to know them i find out there lesbian and its not that im against that, i believe in same sex marriages and relationships, but i just get over this crush she has told me she a lesbian and i know i can't change that but i still can't get over her. and thats not the worst part, the girl i liked before her which im still not completely over she tell me when i meet her that she's a lesbian but i still form a crush on her. i never really looked for a girlfriend in high school, but in college it seems like all the girls i find myself attracted to happen to be lesbian's and i was just wondering if anyone else has had this happen to them or could offer me some advice.

First of all, welcome to WP!

Except for my crushes being straight and having boyfriends, I am in a similar situation myself.

Tim

It's just a matter of bad luck I guess. Man I could imagine how it feels to find out the girl you have a crush on is a lesbian. The only thing I could think of that might improve your chances is a change of location, but considering the risks and the significance of the change, I'd say keep trying where you are. As far as getting over her goes...well, time heals all wounds. It might take a month or so, but usually things like this blow over given a little time. Good luck!

ya moving isn't an option, i go to college and still live with my parents. whats worse is to know she's a lesbian then start to have a crush on her, that happened to me last year and im still not completely over it. and time doesn't completely heal the wound

I've had a sort of similar problem. I've had crushes on girls who expressed interest in other girls (including me) and then turned out to be more unsure of that than they had advertised. I've been with "bi" or "bi-curious" girls who turned out to be straight. There have been other girls who said they were straight, then came on to me, then freaked out because they couldn't deal with their ambiguous sexuality. Every girl I've been with has lied about her sexual orientation. I've started to wonder how many really do that. Maybe I just had bad luck.

The only successful relationships I've had have been with guys. Each one started as a friendship and turned into more eventually. There was one guy who was my friend for five years before we took it to a different level. I like getting to know a guy as a friend first. I feel more comfortable that way because I can casually find out how well we get along before more is at stake. I'm literally not attracted to a guy unless I've gotten to know him as a friend. Maybe there are other girls like that too. Don't give up hope!

thats kinda what happened to my latest crush, she came off as straight, but once i got to know her she admitted she wasn't

Most girls who are interested
in me are lesbians. Or bi.

^^ well , you can make a deal with them : you can be the 'love link' between your female 'friend' and her gf , you know ...instead using a dildo they can use instead your ......ehem ehem and so every1 will be happy

seriously , I know many disagree with me but I don't believe that real friendships between males and females exist (except childhood friendship) for a good reason but this is just my personal opinion.

I've never had as close a friendship
with males, as I have with some females.
The comfort of the physical, which is usually
so awkward between males, is an important
tie.

ya all my close friends are female, my two best friends are actually lesbian's.

No one who meets my preferences will ever be interested in me.

The only type of person who would date me is someone who is desperate, and who will settle for the first guy who comes along. And, for me, it's just a matter of being that guy.

Tim

Hello,

As an Aspie living in a snobby, materialistic town. I feel misunderstood by women. I have never had a girlfriend. I have made many attempts and never have felt completely certain that any woman I've ever wanted shared my feelings. Except once. And she ended up meeting somebody she liked more and marrying him. I certainly can't relate to falling for lesbians, unless I encountered lipstick lesbians often. I'm into the feminine type. The only woman whom I can tell ever wanted me is very mean, cruel, gossipy, & lazy. She's grossly obese (which would have been allright with me if she were sweet & tender), unattractive, & doesn't even have a pleasant voice to listen to. Until I became a Christian, I pursued women diligently. And was rejected every time. Being handsome & considerate of others, women will talk to me. In every case (even the few in which it seemed things may possibly have worked differently) their interest can always be platonic, but never more. Now I am no longer seeking & trying to live to serve GOD. Yet I remain very lonely. I haven't been pursuing a relationship & wish not to come across as too desperate (for I know that is considered a turnoff). Since the women in this town are so seldom without boyfriends or husbands I see little hope she's going to be available during the whole time I'm waiting for it to develop into more than a friendship. I fear that I will never meet a "miss right." Even as I pray to be O.K. with that if it doesn't happen. This is one major reason I began going to church & studying the Bible. I previously had mostly negative thoughts about Christianity. Until I saw the value in living for a higher purpose. And yet change just isn't happening. I am 36 years old and didn't know until I was 34 about Asperger's. When I was diagnosed. Also I fall into another category in your discussion. There is a significant unrequited crush in my past that I don't feel I can get over. She is sweet, benevolent, & loving. Everything I've always wanted. I told her about my feelings. But she doesn't share them either. Is there any advice anybody can bring me?

Tim_tex, I could've written your posts on this thread myself, i can so relate.

aream87, you could look at it this way: since they're lesbians, there was never any chance of anything happening between you - there was no rejection. I think it's worse if you have a crush for a straight girl that is taken or doesn't want you. This is completey off-topic, but i think my last crush exemplifies that, in terms of personality, men tend to prefer girls that are nice but also the partying type. My ex-crush is like that, her looks are nothing special and she doesn't dress to advantage, but she has a boyfriend (it's a serious long-term relationship), I had a crush on her (I was attracted by her niceness, not by her partying - physically she' not the sort of girl i tend to find attractive), and there is another guy that is in love with her.

I seem to find that a lot of my friends are female, for some reason or the other. Quite a lot of them turned out to be lesbian or bi. I'm told that I'm a guy who while straight, is in touch with his femanine side. Enough that I am often treated as one of the girls.... which is a very strange experiance. My best friend has asked me if I think a certian guy is hot...
I think that I'm rambling now. A peice of advice that may work for you (although not for me, I still have a crush on my best friend...) is to use mind over mind. It will probably only work if you have a strong will (I don't), but if you channel the attraction you feel towards her into another kind of feeling, for me, it was suggested affection (in terms of a good friend).
I hope this helps in some way.