How to tell if a girl is interested in you

Post Reply New Topic

I am way too shy ... I know I should change it. I mean, the worst thing that can happen is that she says "no" (or the bruised self-confidence following that event is maybe worse) ...



I tend to just sit in a corner and hope the girls come to me. Which rarely happens of course. The last time it happened I messed up badly. This girl was wondering why I sat on my own and invited me for a dance. I don't know what I was thinking but I invited her invitation. This girl did not really know about my AS and about how I find it overwhelming to be touched. During one dance she put her arms around me and pressed her chest against my body (yes, her chest ) and I of course almost freaked out. Because I realised that this must have given a bad impression, I decided to tell her about my Aspergers and that she should not take that reaction personally. She seemed to understand because she invited for another dance and this time she did not try a slow. She even asked for my number but stupid me forgot and I had no phone with me so I gave her my email address. Then after a couple of more songs she needed to go home. She held her cheeck towards me asking for a kiss ... I never kiss people however due to my AS, and just told her "I cannot kiss because of my AS, don't take it personally". She never emailed me despite me giving my address...

I screwed up there, didn't I?




You say compliments about appearance are often a sign of interest. I sometimes do have girls passing by and saying my make-up suits me well. A nice change compared to the people who wrongly think I'm gay for wearing make-up

i dont know what was going on but i lossed all credibility with my dad then. i thought she wanted to take my order again and didnt know she was flirting at all

Last edited by richardbenson on 21 Oct 2007, 7:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.

I can't think to myself that which is not already truth.

A self fulfilling prophecy with no prior basis in fact is a waste of time.


This i can agree with, as when I'm not approaching under a romanic context, I have no issue in approaching women. The problem only happens when I actually try to go out with someone.

I'll start with the off-chance that women are hitting on me. One of three things will happen:
1) I will do something incredibly ret*d and cause an instant turn-off

2) I freak out due to information overload and try to remove myself from the situation.

3) I act like an as*hole, as I know they are just hitting on me because I'm uber-smart and I can help them get an A on the next test.

As for the few advances I have made, they are usually rebuffed quickly, although except for the first one I never took those advances seriously, so therein may lie the problem. I've known about all that body language stuff for a while now, and processing it takes more brain power than I can put forth, leading to information overload like I was talking about earlier. In other words, having limited ability to read subtext and body language is making hteproblem worse, not better...

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 21 Oct 2007, 7:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

all girls are interested in me. women can't resist me.

That's a good one...

Well, you screwed up in as much as did you really want to kiss her? If you did, then yeah, a little. I've been in that position before, but it's usually with someone I barely know, and I would have felt weird kissing them, and they would have sensed that. I'm torn on the mentioning Asperger's thing. There are times when it seems appropriate, like when you're doing something that begs for explanation. When a question is best answered by "because I have Asperger's," it makes sense. Still, I don't generally do that until I've known a person long enough that I know I'll probably see them again. There's no need to get personal with someone who you'll likely never see again. That aside, it's almost always better to say as little as possible in some circumstances, as it doesn't commit you to whatever you happened to be thinking at the time, and leaves things to their imagination. I'm kind of naturally hesitant, so it's not hard for me to smile and nod instead of trying to elaborate about something that may be misinterpreted.

Flirting is Not an sign of genuine interest. Its simply a game that women play, mostly out of their own impulsive desire.
Ive never truly understood why women have the impusle to flirt; to me it seems like they're stroking their ego's. What Ive noticed is sometimes when I give a stranger woman a lot of eye contact-she will avert my gaze but smile at the same time. Sometimes even getting a big grin and covering her mouth like Oooooooooooh Women often dont give direct eye contact when they're truly interested cuz they often feel kind of nervous.

wise words

I got a good chuckle out of this. I think I'd behave in the order you have it.

crackedpleasures:

If you aren't ok with being touched it may be difficult for you to have a relationship with a woman. However, if at some point you do get over your hypersensitivity to being touched and decide to try and find a girl, here's something you should know.

That girl from the dance really liked you. A lotttt. Either you had good body language that day, or you were just the kind of guy she was looking for, but she gave you some huge IOIs. Humongous. Now, that you didnt kiss her is fine (Its not your fault that you have this hypersensitivity issue). However, just know that there are understanding people out there in the world who will accept you despite your AS.

And the fact that you attracted a girl that much without even trying is just ... wow. I wouldn't say you screwed up, you did more than a person with your level of hypersensitivity could be expected to do, good job

And about the make-up, as long as they are sincere compliments and not sarcastic, they might be IOIs. The Pick-up artist Mystery does whats called peacocking, he wears outlandish clothes and random objects around his neck and on his jacket etc. And black nail polish btw. It all attracts the girls' attentions and gives them something to compliment if they like him.

ToadOfSteel:

"There are two types of people in the world, those who think they can, and those who think they can't. And they're both right." -Shannon Pickard

Ziyaret:

If a woman averts her gaze and smiles, after making eye contact, its an IOI. At least, it is if she looks down. If she looks to the side, she's not interested and its an IOD. In a way you're sort of right about not making eye contact due to nervousness. If she's nervous, she'll impulsively look down when she catches your eye, which you can then interpret as an IOI.

richardbenson:

She may not have been flirting, like I said, your dad may have been kidding you. She may have just been a friendly waitress who was taking your order.

Ugh, this is just all way too complicated for me. I think I'll stick with my plan of not assuming anything unless they ask me on a date.

I don't wear jewelry, but I do cross my legs. Why shouldn't I?

At first I thought she was just being friendly, or maybe asking for a dance out of pity because I was sitting there on my own. Maybe she was interested though but I wonder why she did not email me afterwards. I guess I stuffed up at least a little ; like standing in front of an open goal and still not scoring (to use a soccer metaphore)

It was a weird experience. I was basically waiting to meet a nice girl for a long time and suddenly this happened. After the event I just thought "it can take ages before a girl approaches you again, how could you mess up so badly?". I guess it indeed can take ages before I have another chance like that, but if a chance comes along I'm afraid my nerves would make me make the same mistakes again...

It was weird by the way she pressed her chest against me. Maybe it was accidental during the dance, but I thought at first she was maybe looking for a one-night-stand because I cannot imagine the average woman pressing her breasts against a stranger. I guess it could be accidental but maybe she was doing it for other reasons. Argh, not reading body language can be so damn hard, leaving you wondering what exactly was the intention of a certain comment or move.

I'd compare it more to standing in front of an open goal but with your shoelaces tied together. If you want to have say, a one night stand, you need to get over touching people first, because sex is the most intimate touching their is. If you're going to have sex, you need to be completely comfortable with your own body and with other peopesI wouldn't go around thinking she wanted a one-night stand, that always makes you feel worse and beat yourself up more. Instead, treat it as a learning experience. You've learned that what you need to work on is physical contact. Once you're better about that, work on approaches and such, and start asking that friend of yours for help with approaches.

pandabear:

Ok, I'll admit I was generalizing when I said guys dont cross their legs or wear jewelery, now that I think of it i know plenty of (straight) guys who cross their legs. What I meant in that post was that guys and girls give some different IOIs, and since I don't check guys out, I couldn't say for sure what IOIs guys give.

If all this is true, then I have wasted a lot of good oportunities...

A lot of this seems like good info, but I know for me personally I usually feel uncomfortable sitting without either my legs crossed or my feet propped up on something (those trays on the bottom of the desk in front of you are the only thing that keeps me sitting still in PDE lecture I swear.) So I wouldn't say crossed legs indicate disinterest... however, clenched legs do. If the crossing of the legs is relaxed (the "free foot" is moving around or just not tense) then you're ok, if she's clenching her legs together then she probably feels uncomfortable ect.