you guys need to go to parties/bars/clubs

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I know you all hate the idea, and I used to be terrified of gigantic groups of strangers talking to each other, but really they are the perfect place to hone your socializing abilities. Make friends with some more extroverted nerds or look for a wingman group on the internet, and things will change. Let's say you do make an ass out of yourself or get rejected by some girl, do you think she's going to remember it tomorrow? Probably not, because you're one of 20 or so guys that approached her that night if she's even barely decent looking.

Sure, at a bar or club, you are not likely to find that cute INTP girl we all want to date. However, once you do meet her at work or school, talking to her and getting her interested in you is going to be a piece of cake because you've had some success in what are easily the most competitive environments for meeting women. Girls want fun, confident guys (yes, that's a very loaded word), even the asperger's or INTP girls. They'll deny it all they want, but it's true.

In the last 4 weeks of doing this, I've probably approached more women than I have in my entire life before then, been rejected/sabotaged initial attraction more times than I care to count (I used to think this was a big deal, ahahaha), and gotten more numbers and dates than I've had in my entire life. I actually broke a girl's heart last week by not calling her, and she's been whining to her friend who relayed the message back to me. It's not that I take pride in being called a heartbreaker, but it's just something so bizarre and alien to me. I didn't think I had that capability as an autistic.

It's also a tad bit depressing to realize all the really cool women you could've hooked up with but didn't because you totally missed all of the signals. At the same time it's a bit empowering, too. Probably the most crucial thing I've learned is that you MUST watch the eyes, even if you don't know what it means now, you will learn eventually.

Guys, joining a wingman group will save your life and you won't need to be posting here anymore attempting to analyze the BS language or behavior of some girl who "friend zoned" you.

What about sensory issues? Not everyone who is AS can stand to be in bar and club type environments for long...

I don't like going to bars and clubs to loud and loads of people talking over each other.

I don't mind groups of people or socializing or anything like that. I'm not afraid to talk to strangers. I hang out at public places every day: coffee houses, bookstores, sports stores, etc...

I can't stand nightlife because of alcohol consumption and drugs, and the type of women I would meet there. Substance abuse is repulsive to me. I'm happy all the time just the way I am. I don't need to alter my brain chemistry to feel happy.

Been there, done that, and glad those days are gone. I can only now imagine how annoying I must have been.

I'd rather stay home and listen to my own music.

1.)I don't drink. Not even one drink. (And yes, I have before, and been drunk, too. Not fun, and alcohol tastes like crap.)

2.)I hate the loud annoying top 40, hip hop, and techno played at those type of places.

3.)I'm not looking for a hook up or a one night stand, I'm looking for a girlfriend I'd have things in common with.

4.)My social skills are already sufficient for the type of woman I want to attract.

So you can keep going to loud bars and clubs and getting wasted and listening to bad music. I'll stick to being happy, single or not.

I've been going to bars, clubs, and particularly big house parties since I was 20. Luckily I have those kinds of friends, don't have the extra sensory issues, and enjoy the drinking, beer pong, flip-cup, etc. - used to do a heck of a lot more of course, from the time I was 18 until about 22 I was going to raves (many with thousands of people in attendance) all over the northeast and midwest. For the last couple years we've had friends working at one of the clubs down in the Cleveland warehouse district, would go down to see them as well as a friend who manages a major restaurant down there.

Its not bad for getting yourself comfortable with that side of the culture and finding out what's going on, especially if you have friends of the right caliber you can have a lot of fun. The only problem - if your thinking that you'll be able to automatically be able to pick up women through gains in your own social skills and that you'll make things happen at bars and clubs; extremely unlikely, unless your just lucky enough to have enough of a general purpose personality to where you can mesh with anyone which, if you have that, you likely don't even need to go out to bars and clubs at that rate. Its worthwhile for having fun and living the 'high' life or learning from the fast-lane crowd (a lot of *very* intelligent and interesting people) - that's it though, don't expect too much more from it.

"I can love my fellow man, but I'm damned if I'll love yours."

I don't drink and am not interested in improving socializing skills nor getting a gf, so hf in hell. I'll be staying all night programming.

Ear plugs

The other problem - for every one cool guy or girl at a big club it seems like there's at least 10 horrific chaches, all the more reason to stick with your friends.

I know an aspie friend online who goes to bars and drinks beer and meets up with his friends there. He says he does it because he doesn't want to be a stereotype. He has hearing loss so that comes to his advantage. He can turn down his hearing aid.
But he had help from his boss to help him be more social. Everyone who knows him knows of his AS because he doesn't hide it and isn't ashamed of it. I see that as bravery. No he doesn't use it as an excuse. Am I ashamed of mine because I don't tell anyone? I prefer to tell certain people but overall I tell no one.

I don't go to bars or clubs or parties because they don't really interest me. I do go to autism groups and one other group that is held at a restaurant that is also a bar. I personally find the group boring but I still go because it's based on my interest. I just bring my games with. I often forget to go because it's not on the top list of my interest. I forgot to go to the autism group this month because I got preoccupied with my job and all. I lost track of the days.

Plus I already have a husband so I don't need this. I did go to a sports bar in October to meet up with my aspie friend and his friend and I did feeling a sensory overload coming because the men there were watching the games and being loud. But when we moved to the other room to play video games, I was fine. I did wish I brought ear plugs but didn't know the place be loud. But I got lucky that we were in an area where it was quiet. I will never understand why people must be loud as they watch sports on TV.

It turns me off to even see a woman holding an alcoholic beverage in her hand. Yes, I know I'll be single for a while, but there are a lot of "reformed partiers" out there. My ex was one. She did her partying in college then grew up.

Well, for me, ear plugs wouldn't help much. Sensory issues can be not only loud volumes of talking and music, it can be smells, being bumped into a lot, flashing lights, etc. While I used to frequent bars and clubs in my 20's, I find that I can no longer tolerate them. Once, I went out to a club, with co-workers. While my ear plugs helped with the noise, I still came down with a severe sinus infection, from the cigarette smoke. Now, I won't go to such places.

Seems like a nonsequiture. I don't know of anyone with ADHD, bi-polar, diabetes, epilepsy etc. who tries to head everyone off at the pass and inform the world that they have it. Your challenges are your challenges and no one needs to know about them if you think it should be kept to a need-to-know basis. Anyone who can't respect that doesn't even have a viewpoint valuable enough to entertain let alone contemplate your own value against, they're idiots and ideologues.