Aspergers is not a disease but it is a burden and a Curse.

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Aspergers is not a disease but it is a burden and a Curse.
I’ve had nothing but trouble from it.
It’s brought me heart ach and pain.
I’ve lost jobs, friends and girlfriends from it and I’m presently going to loose this one too.
The only positive thing come from this is our 16-month-old daughter.
I first met her mother by trying to something I’m not. Pretending to be some one with confidences and pretending to be popular. Now I just cant see living with anymore because she just doesn’t seem to understand or want to understand my asberges condition and just continue to argue all the time just because she doesn’t understand me

Yuppers. Life in this world is, as the Zen Masters put it: 'a vale of sorrows'. Poetic nicety for what Stephen King described with a High School Prom and a bucket of pig's blood.

Friedrich Nietzsche said 'What doesn't kill us makes us stronger', which I take it is the explanation for my internal 'roid rage. My ulcers must be the size of Schwarzenegger's quads by now.

Divorced 3 times, at least 3 other live-in disasters.

35 years in the workforce, 29 jobs, 24 firings. Still hear "Can I see you in my office?" in my sleep.

Having my daughter was the single most worthwhile moment of my life. Maybe the only reason I was ever marooned on this fungus encrusted asteroid in the first place. Now I get to be a huge disappointment to her, as well.

Welcome to the club. Shall I show you the secret handshake?

Yep don't I know..

Last edited by MissConstrue on 07 Apr 2010, 4:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

A few at work say I appear very happy and cannot believe I am at the extreme opposite. I just feel I am at the edge. I feel like driving a train through a county jail.

I first met her mother by trying to something I’m not. Pretending to be some one with confidences and pretending to be popular.

Regarding the above statement-this is not just an Aspie trait, NTs do the same thing.

I too am an Aspie. Have been for 61 years, have never been anything else. I do not have any experience being a nuerotypical. But I don't think that they have it much better than we do. They also have problems with "playing and getting along with others". Most of them don't have a clue who they are, they're afraid to be alone, etc. I was doing my laundry and overheard two women talking about how much they hate being alone. What the hell-o. I interpretated this to mean that they really hate themselves. Otherwise why would they not want to be alone, without any else to speak to.

Think about it. You are not an NT so you don't have a clue what it is to be one.

No, I am not trying to make you angry, upset, etc. It seems to be wishful thinking that life is easier for people who are not autistic since we do have any experience being in that situation.

irene

OP, it sounds to me like your most immediate problem is communication, as in, "she just doesn’t seem to understand or want to understand my asberges condition and just continue to argue all the time just because she doesn’t understand me." So, my first suggestion to you is to find a counselor who knows about Asperger's, and beg your gf to go to counseling with you (with the goal of learning how to improve communication between you two).

I also suggest getting your gf a book about Asperger's, and reading it together. If you read it together, you'll be able to answer her questions, to educate her about symptoms you experience, and to get her feedback and perspective on symptoms she observes in you.

Finally, I suggest you take responsibility for what you've done to contribute to this situation. You lied to her about who you really are, and now it appears that you're blaming her because she doesn't understand you. I bet she understands that you lied to her, OP. That you tricked her into a relationship, and now there's a child involved. You've got a long way to go to re-establish trust with this woman, and to prove that you're worthy of her - if in fact, you are worthy of her. So my very direct advice to you is to roll up your sleeves and get to work cleaning up the mess you made - starting with begging her forgiveness. And if you don't think you're worth the effort, I suggest you think about your child - she deserves better than the situation you've created for her. Get to it.

ive tried to show her websites and articles but she just seems to look the other way. she seems to think i can change over night.
i have told her im not that confidant person as before as i put on a front. it has nothing to do with lying its like i feel better being robocop getting getting off a bus rather than myself cos people would just laugh and stare at me. it has nothing to do with miss leading or trust. i basically listened to at first and paid attention to her its about time she do the same for me.

It has everything to do with lying, OP. "Pretending" is lying - there's no point in equivocating. You put on an act to attract this girl, and guess what happened? She fell for the guy you pretended to be - the guy who doesn't really exist. And now that you've realized it takes too much effort to keep up the front, you want to be accepted for who you really are? That's a pretty interesting perspective - in the business world, we'd call what you did "bait and switch" - and that practice is illegal for good reason.

Why does she seem to think you can change overnight? Because you did change overnight. You behaved like a popular, confident guy - that's the guy she thinks you really are, because that guy created the foundation of her impression of you. Now you're behaving like someone who is decidedly very different, only you're telling her this is the "real" you. Unfortunately, to her the "real" you is the guy she first met and fell for.

Have you considered that perhaps she doesn't want to accept your diagnosis, because then she'd have to accept your character issue as well? You lied to her - about something as fundamental as who you are. You had a child with her, apparently without disclosing and/or educating her about the potential for you to pass on a genetic disability to that child. Don't you think she had the right to make an informed choice about whether she wanted to accept that responsibility? Do you have any idea how much of a betrayal that is in and of itself?

And you have the temerity to demand that she pay attention to you? You forfeited your right to make demands when you started down this road. Sorry, OP - if you want to save your relationship and have the opportunity to provide your daughter with the father she deserves, you'd better start growing up, and quick. A mature man takes responsibility for his bad behavior, apologizes for the consequences, and vows not to repeat the behavior. You've behaved badly here. Stop whining about how consequences suck and start acting like a man.

yes ok hands up ive already accept that and so did she well before we decided to have a baby. first thing my partners mam said will be passed on. i think why im so wound up is that as much as im looking after baby while mam does 4 hour work shifts. im Tidys Up her mess as she never tidys after herself. leaves tea bags on work tops. never puts the clothes back in draws or dry room. she never washes up. never plays with baby when comes home. she rather watch tv soap taped that day that she missed. never wants to watch what i want to watch. we hav to watch what she watches. she never cleans the George forman grill as the fat builds up who empty s it. i basically clean after her. i suppose that my fault to for showing how much of a good tidy man can be not like others. she keeps hiding bills she hasent paid and i keep asking her do you have any more debts she replys no. then the baliffs knock on the door. yes ok hands up is this what i asked for. if no one accepts me for who i really am. i carnt realy finish the sentance. yes i have taken responsibilty for my actions and i am its only for my baby that im trying so hard but it gets to a point i can only take so much.

OP, do you work outside the home? Or is your gf supporting you financially? And are you now complaining because you actually care for your own child and keep house while your gf works to earn the money to support you? Cry me a river.

Yes, this is what you asked for - as a matter of fact, you lied and schemed to get it. I wonder how your life would be different had you not done that, and instead taken the time to get to know this girl before you knocked her up? But nobody in your situation gets a do-over: not you, not your gf, and not your daughter.

Based on your posts, I don't believe that you've taken responsibility for what you've done...I'm not sure that you're even willing to. I gave you the answer two posts ago: stop complaining and find a counselor who understands Asperger's and beg your gf to go with you. And you should agree that the goal of the counseling is to learn how to communicate with each other, and to repair the relationship. However, in order to do that, you're going to have to accept that you're not the victim here.

It can indeed be a burden and curse in some ways. I've learned that it's hard that something that I enjoy like socializing tends to be a b***h because I don't have a great sense of social cues and body language.

That is very true.
Even trying to have a conversation but the background noise takes over and then PRETENDING to understand by nodding the head tends to complicate things.

When trying to explain something (and writing as well) other people can misinterpret the wrong explanation of something and make it worse.
I tend to use wrong words which makes it worse and then people take you the wrong way.

There has only been onetime when I was enjoying myself and felt at last im making friends this is because I tried hard to be normal/NT (pretend)
This was a time when I tried not to accept/admit I had Aspergers but a result of being bullied at school, which lead to social decline and interaction.
I should have not used the word PRETEND as I was trying to be an NT, to be accepted on this different planet.

I think people are unfair.
Just because they had something happen to them doesn’t mean it should taken out on someone else.

it is harder, simple reason being is that the world we live in is 99.999% geared towards NT
regardless of if we are not NT and have no idea what being NT is about.

my .02

Once the pain heals some, try to look back and take what you can to learn from it.

What jumps out at me in this is that you had pretended to be someone you know inside you are not.

Nothing wrong with being Aspie. Nothing wrong with not being sociable (vs. popular). Nothing wrong with any of that.

If you are yourself you can find the one who really is right for you and likes you for YOU. It took me a lifetime to learn that. You still have a lifetime ahead of you so you are ahead of the game although it may not feel that way now.

Don't do that.

Talk it out in therapy.

yes I agree but its taken 40 years to amylase it while everyone blames, misjudge and lies because they wont admit their faults.




I think everyone is getting the wrong end of the stick here. PRETEND is not the word I should have used.
I mean I tried to be an NT. As NTs associate better with each other and accept NTs and not someone that’s different.

Lets face it we all read magazine that show new fashions and tips in attracting the opposite sex. Try to loose weight go to the gym try to look like stars or some approachable try to be accepted in a world that critiozise the way we look, eat, speak and present ourselves.
We’ve all had looked in the mirror and said we are not happy with ourselves and tried to do something about it.



That’s the problem at the mo. I’m expected to change over night.
I’ve found out that people can be self centred and will not accept or be advised otherwise.
I’ve done too much for everyone running around help other people first putting them first just so they would accept me. The result is im taken advantage of and expected to keep it up. Otherwise im selfish.