Such strange things as weddings!

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I was at another wedding today as a cameraman. It'll be my second in as many weeks, and four in the last six or seven.

And I feel so out of place at all of them. Do any of the rest of you feel like aliens at these things, observing a strange custom? I can't even begin to understand them, but I so want to!

I see two beautiful people standing there who want each other so much, love each other, want to make each other happy, and such a feeling is somethnig I've never known, and fear I never will.

How I wish I had someone who felt that way about me! I've certainly had many women who I've felt the beginnings of that desire. I wont' say I loved them, because that love never was given a chance to grow. They always rejected me.

And so to be loved has become an alien concept to me. So much so, that at these weddings, I see all these beautiful, single girls, and my first thought is, "Why bother, they can do better..." Because so many girls I KNOW have done better, after a date with me they run for the hills! I fear speaking or trying to approach these girls I see, because if they say no, I've been rejected again, and if they say yes, I fear that they'll discover I'm damaged goods, and think I'm a loser.

I just thank goodness I have my camera, that I have something to do there. Otherwise, I'd be sitting by myself unable, afraid to speak to any girl.

Actually, there is a photographer girl there who is cute, but I only got her first name. And even if I find a way to contact her, I fear she'll think I'm a stalker or a weirdo. That's how all girls seem to react, at least, to me. Or maybe I just repell them. Hell, I don't know anymore.

Jeez I hate these feelings! I wish I could be numb to love and desire. Would castration do the trick? What I'd give for a pill that would kill any urge I have for romance or love.

It's just not worth it! But something keeps me from giving up...

Thanks all for bearing with me. This forum is a great way for me to vent my anxieties, and it helps. It really does.

BR

At least you don't work in a church... I tend to be more overly depressed in the late spring/early summer than usual because that's the "wedding season". To me, it's not so much alien (probably because I work in a church), but it is very depressing for me, as to me I see the couple as sticking it to everyone else that's single out there that they're better than the rest of us... It's especially disheartening for people like me that want to be with someone but can't because there's nobody who wants me back...

To the OP +1

I used to feel that way.

But as I've aged I have to ask to I realy want/need the stress of a relationship. I've seen the so happy couples, But I've also the same couples a few years down the road. Right now I have a 125lb Lab That serves as my companion That is more loyal then any girl is even capable of being. At this point in my life any pressure in favor of a relationship comes from society and no longer from within.

anytime I'm at a wedding I end up not understanding how the couple ended up together in the first place. Let alone were getting married.

Weddings just make me think "If I'm lucky enough to find true love, I don't ever want to ruin it with a bunch of paperwork and rigid mysticism!"

seriously, the wedding industry is booming. I love how they have a "bachelor and baccalaureate the night before the wedding as if they get their desires for other people out in one night. There is never security in anything, even marriage because there is the threat of adultery.

Yeah I don't get weddings. I don't understand why everyone gets so emotional or what the fuss is all about. Lately I've come to the conclusion that it's just because now everyone will expect the couple to have children. So, yes, OP, I see how you feel. They're confusing.