bars, small talk and me.

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Well, I had a lucky break at bar on Friday and here's my synopsis real quick:
1. I was drinking a beer, I noticed a girl walked up by and I was minding my business
2. There was a group of people singing to Michael Jackson and I commented about how they are really happy
3. The girl right by me started talking for a good 10 minutes, and we do the usual small talk routine. She offers to buy me another beer. We then talked about what we do, where we went to school at, and what we do in our spare time. This lasted at least 20 minutes
4. When it was time for last call, we finish our drinks, we walked out. I walked her to her car, and we both exchanged phone numbers and kisses.

I was surprised at how fast things went and I didn't have a problem keeping the conversation going. I called her today and and I left a message on her voicemail hoping to hear back from her soon. I know she may or may not respond back and I'll leave it at that. What amazed me that despite my difficulties with small talk and functioning at a bar I took the time to quell my impulses and actually listen for a change.

So guys, what advice could you give me here?

Hey, great job! The explanation is simple: you were in the zone! What's the "zone"? There's no answer, but it's more a state of mind than anything else. When in the "zone", you have a sense of confidence that whatever you do is going to work out OK at the end. That's what you were feeling when you met that girl at the bar. You probably went there just to have something to do, and talking to her was just another way to pass time, rather than "working". You probably didn't care how it'll turn out at the end; talking to a cute girl was more fun than just sitting there, so that's all you were concerned about. Hence, the zone.

The only advice I can give you is to forget about the three-day rule. Given people's short attention spans nowadays, it's very outdated. Try to find any way you know to get into the same zone you were in on Friday night, and call the girl. Don't spend too much time talking (my guideline is between 5 and 20 minutes), and set up another date with her. Just make it somewhere other than at a bar where you met, preferably something quieter and more laid-back, like a nice restaurant or a movie theater. If the attraction between you two is strong enough, you can make out during the movie. Choose something without intense action to facilitate the process .

Cool. It sounds like you were relaxed and were able to be yourself. She had probably positioned herself next to you in hopes of chatting it up with you.

Well, no phone call back. It was a fun learning experience though!

I would still give her a day, then call her again. Maybe, she is shy or just old-fashioned. What do you really have to lose?

Fingers crossed for you

WOW!! !! that's great you got that far! so happy to read that - you should definitely allow this experience to boost your confidence because not many guys can leave a bar with kisses and a phone number. i hope she calls, but even if she doesn't.... it really is... like you said... a good learning experience!

late bump

Anyways, fast forward 2 months later - she calls me this morning, I heard my phone go off when I was in the shower. She works graveyard shift at hospital as a lab tech. She was asking if I was free on Friday - but I told her next week on Tuesday or Wednesday would work better for me. I originally proposed Friday at the same place we met but I can't make it work. So it looks like either a lunch date or a movie date is in the works. How should I do this?

Good going. Although i've yet to have a gf i think the times when i communicate best are when im not too focused on "scoring".

A bit of a tedious comment, although from the amount of time which u 2 were together in the bar that u described i'm pretty surprised you exchanged kisses, i thought that was usually saved for when the woman feels a lot more intimate with you. did the 2 of you make any physical contact anytime before you said ur goodbyes

Noooo! No plan.

You didn't have a plan when you met her, and it all worked out perfectly. Dig? Just go with it.

Oh no... you need to man up and lead the way. She expects you to.

Plan which restaurant you are taking her to, and which movie you'll watch. No other plans past that! Go by feel and be yourself.

(I just remembered the hilarious scene in Gilmore Girls. Kirk planning his first date to the minutest of details, practicing what to say, and writing cue cards. Awwww! FAIL!)