HELP I don't know if I should/shouldn't take charge of my GF

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I know that really, one should not wish to control another human being, but it looks like I may have to.

Last night I was talking to my GF and I soon found that she seemed a little well, you know, more clingy than I thought she was.

While I know that this is only due to the fact that I'm the first ever BF of her's not to treat her like dirt (as I have said in the past she has ADHD, although I oddly mistook it at first for AS although I think that she's still more than just OK in my book) as I actually really love her and all that, she's lately been asking me if I have had taken offence to anything that she may have said or done and has (more or less) begged me at one point NOT to dump her.

Now as it happens this is not the case, I love her, she has not nothing to upset or anger me in any way, in fact she's done her up most (oddly without me asking her) to be my own perfect woman, as she's been losing a lot of weight and more or less does not do any thing without seeking my approval first,

In spite of the fact that I don't really need her to this kind of thing at all. I must admit that I kinda like it!! !!

Don't get me wrong though, although I don't do all the BDSM stuff (whips, handcuffs and the like) I not only enjoy taking care of my GF, I also have in the past enjoyed doing this to my childhood sweethearts.

Ii would seem like that submissive (but I stress happy submissive) girls are my type then!

What I want to ask is that if she and I go down this road, will we be doing anything wrong (as I don't wish to harm her, or rather upset her) as I think that she may 'need' that kind of life style, abet in a emotional sense, rather than just due a need to be looked after and pampered (she likes that too)

If we do decide to go down that path I think it would be best to just try it out first but rather than just asking her flat out "Would you like me to be your lord and master?" (cos she may freak out) but rather get her into it slowly and see if she's ok with it.

Whatever way we go I hope that we'll be BOTH happy.

Goodbye Till Next Time

I thought I wanted a relationship like that - but it's not good for her to be totally dependant on you.
Much like it's not good for me to be totally dependant on my boyfriend. I still am at the minute - but we're working on getting me to stand on my own two feet.

She needs to stand on her own two feet - not be your little submissive in everyday life.

If you're both comfortable with doing such things, go ahead and do it.

To me it seems that she wouldn't benefit from such a relationship. Obviously she has some confidence and anxiety issues, she needs to work on. She needs to be able to approve of herself, before she needs your approval. I don't believe it's healthy for her to be totally dependent on you.
As it is now, you should'nt encourage a dominant / submissive relationship, especially not when she's so afraid of you leaving her. She might just say yes without actually meaning it.

OK hold it there...

Your girlfriend is insecure about your relationship, and your solution is to take control over her...?

I looks like you both have issues... You are at risk of turning into a control-freak, while she's already in trouble with low self-esteem and anxiety. Acting on your controlling side involves taking advantage of her obvious vulnerabilities.

Have you ever considered having a talk with her about how much you love her and emphasizing how she really does not need to be so submissive? Have you ever asked her why she doubts herself/your relationship so often? If not, then perhaps your relationship is on the rocks...

From an outside perspective, I'm not sure how you made the leap from, my girlfriend is insecure in our relationship to I think the solution is a BDSM lifestyle. Maybe if you actually talk to her and try to find out what she needs, you'll find a real solution to both of your issues.

Your ideas have always frightened me and this is no exception. No, it would not be a good idea. Are you trying to make her worse?

Well I'm not a relationship expert myself but think about this. I wouldn't say that you should completely change the way you act with this girl, but I would definitely try to get her self esteem up. If she wants to be submissive and you want to be the boss that's fine(in fact that's how most successful relationships work) but you should definitely tone it a bit down, make sure that she has a bit more self esteem and can stand on her own 2 feet. After all(and I don't want to be pessimistic) if you 2 would ever break up how do you think this girl would feel? If you really love her you should help her in that way, you should try and get her self esteem up bit by bit until you feel she's strong enough.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

The only relationship I ever had was like that OP. I would love to find a woman like that again or any women interested in me really but anyways... I NEVER wanted to control her or be the one in charge. I stepped-up because she needed me to & she was happier that way than she was before. I was worried about her being too dependent on me & I discussed everything with her before I made a decision or anything. I asked her questions to try & figure out what she wanted & thought & I kept assuring her that she could talk to me about anything & I wanted her to tell me anything & everything that she could be concerned about. You should NOT try or seek to control her OP; your intent should be to caring about her

^ I think my relationship is like that.

Caring sometimes leads to having to take control; but you're right, it should be more a side effect than an actual goal.

Gross. Will one of you who says that lasting relationships are made up of one insecure and one super-hero partner please support this opinion with actual links to credible resources, please?