Solving the friend zone problem.

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11 Jan 2011, 11:51 pm

I just realized that the solution is to refuse to be friends with anyone of the opposite sex. The common excuse is that dating would jeopardize our friendship, so the simplest solution is to remove friendship from the equation altogether.

menintights
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11 Jan 2011, 11:54 pm

Of course, when you befriend a woman in the hope of eventually dating her, you're never a real friend to begin with.

wefunction
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11 Jan 2011, 11:56 pm

Wait a minute... I saw this before... where... where... oh yeah, "When Harry Met Sally"

bucephalus
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11 Jan 2011, 11:57 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:

I have read (or heard somewhere credible like 'Friends') a theory that if you let someone get too close you get stuck in the 'friend zone'. But it is a double edged sword because actual female friends will undoubtedly have many new female friends of their own to introduce you to. If anything it is probably better to have more 'proper' female friends. Plus they will put a good word in for you;)

[edit] I fully agree with menintights' post. I've said the very same thing to male friends of mine

menintights
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12 Jan 2011, 12:07 am

Quote:

But it is a double edged sword because actual female friends will undoubtedly have many new female friends of their own to introduce you to. If anything it is probably better to have more 'proper' female friends. Plus they will put a good word in for you;)

That would be true if you're an outgoing NT with multiple circles of friends. If you hang around the same people most of the time (especially if they're also the kind of people who have few friends and don't go out much) you have little to no chance of meeting other people through your friends.

For the record, I :roll:

at people who think of themselves as being in the "friend zone." These are usually the same people who think of themselves as "nice guys," and God knows how nice these folks really are underneath it all.

Chronos
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12 Jan 2011, 2:01 am

Brainiac5 wrote:

Or maybe you can just refuse to be friends with women you are, or could be attracted to.

bee33
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12 Jan 2011, 2:06 am

Brainiac5 wrote:

The operative word here is "excuse." Women who are not interested in you romantically but still want to be your friend will use this excuse so as not to hurt your feelings. But a woman who is interested in dating you will do so whether she is a friend or not, and being friends first may well make the whole dating thing less stressful.

bucephalus
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12 Jan 2011, 2:50 am

bee33 wrote:

Brainiac5 wrote:

That makes alot of sense and is blindingly obvious. Yet it's never crossed my mind :lol:

bewarethebob
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12 Jan 2011, 5:49 am

Brainiac5 wrote:

well, you see, thats the thing.
You can be friends with females, and appreciate them just as you would any other friend, but that being said, there is the sex issue. Pheremones and hormones, ectect. So in reality, friendship is never just the case.

You can just be friends with the opposite sex, this applies to women too. You can try, and im sure youll make a friend or two, but the sex and psychological/ physiological aspects dont just magically go away right?

Brainiac5
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12 Jan 2011, 10:14 am

menintights wrote:

Of course, when you befriend a woman in the hope of eventually dating her, you're never a real friend to begin with.

Actually, the reason I like her is because she is good friend. We get along well, and always have a good time together.
Maybe next time, you should make sure you know all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

emlion
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12 Jan 2011, 10:31 am

Brainiac5 wrote:

menintights wrote:

Of course, when you befriend a woman in the hope of eventually dating her, you're never a real friend to begin with.

Then why are you so bitter that you can't be her boyfriend if you have a good time with her as just a friend? - why isn't that enough?

Brainiac5
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12 Jan 2011, 10:39 am

emlion wrote:

Brainiac5 wrote:

menintights wrote:

Of course, when you befriend a woman in the hope of eventually dating her, you're never a real friend to begin with.

Then why are you so bitter that you can't get into her pants if you have a good time with her as just a friend?

It isn't about getting into her pants. I need a friendship that can grow and blossom into something more, not a dead end friend zone. And as long as she has a presence in my life, its unlikely that any other woman will ever be able to compete with her. I need a partner who is my best friend first and foremost, and splitting up those two roles won't work for me. Besides, even if I do manage to hook up with someone else, I'm sure she will not like me having a close female friend. It just won't work in the long term anyway. And it wouldn't feel right to be married to one woman, but go to another woman for when I need emotional intimacy.
This is far from an easy decision, but if I ever want to get married and have a family of my own, I have to make a stand for myself.

emlion
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12 Jan 2011, 10:40 am

Brainiac5 wrote:

emlion wrote:

Brainiac5 wrote:

menintights wrote:

Of course, when you befriend a woman in the hope of eventually dating her, you're never a real friend to begin with.

Then why are you so bitter that you can't get into her pants if you have a good time with her as just a friend?

I haven't re-read all the posts so you might have answered this before but: have you not just asked her out then?

Brainiac5
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12 Jan 2011, 10:44 am

She was moving from one boyfriend to another without me getting a chance to ask her out myself, so I just finally came out and let her know that I do like her.

emlion
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12 Jan 2011, 10:48 am

Brainiac5 wrote:

She was moving from one boyfriend to another without me getting a chance to ask her out myself, so I just finally came out and let her know that I do like her.

How did that go?

Brainiac5
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12 Jan 2011, 11:02 am

She's adamant that we are friends and only friends. But as long as I don't bring that up, she hasn't changed the way she acts around me.

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