Does your country seem to have a bias against being single?

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I am writing this because I am trying to figure out what to do. I am living with my parents right now but as I am on a low income cannot move out, so I am saving up to get my own place.

Unfortunately, here it means either sharing a house with people, (which can be problematic for many reasons, including getting on with them, and also the fact that shared flats break up often and you are constantly moving),

or living in some kind of self contained flat on someone's property they are renting out.

There are units too I guess, though my friend used to have one, and you could hear everything through the walls to the next unit, I felt as if her male neighbour was listening to all our conversations, and there was this nasty piece of work woman who used to harrass her and make her park her car on the street.

There are not many apartment buildings here, the ones that exist are very expensive and dont have a lot of parking.

What I am saying is that it seems to me that the whole world is set up for couples and married people, and the only way to get some decent housing is to be in a couple. There is so much pressure here (New Zealand) to get married and have a family. We just got voted 6th best place to be a mother (worst places = some African countries) and I just think that many cultures really need to have some sort of reform on how single people are viewed.

I will write a bit more later as I am called away right now.

Yup. I feel like a total loser for being 22 and not being able to attract anyone.

OK, sorry, that's a bit of a lie, but the women I attract are unsuitable - not because of age, but because they're unsuitable and far too 'close to home' if that makes sense.

I also stress a lot about my sexual prowess as it's untested. I feel like I want to go out and prove something but I know that deep down, I'll fail. There isn't any possible way I'd win. I'm clean but otherwise a pretty unattractive person. There's a nice face there and a decent mind but it's cloaked in deep-seated self-doubt and depression. I can sensibly turn down offers but I still don't seem to be "going anywhere".

So I don't know where to be. I know that casual sex almost certainly isn't my thing. I just want to be loved and my mum being a rather cold sort (even if she does indeed want the best for me) does not especially help.

There definitely is a single stigma in all parts of the world. The assumption is that there's something wrong with you if you can't find a significant other.

I remember my dad saying that when he was single (to a later age than usual) and in the military (as an aircraft mechanic), he would always have to work on Christmas, because everyone who had a family would get priority.

It does seem like being coupled/married is the default assumption, and anything other than that is an abberance/abnormality/exception.

Coupled or married people are the majority, though, so their problems/needs are what will always take precedence in the way that society is set up. And if you're single there seems to be an assumption that you've got a good income (maybe it's assumed that having a fancy, high-level career is the 'reason' that one is not married).

^ This.

I am still busy so cant fomulate a long reply. But I am saying that it seems that being single is sort of viewed as lifes consolation prize, and I guess that even though society seems to think that, it is up to us single people to reclaim the possible awesomeness that being single could bring, not that I have figured out what that is yet...

http://www.cracked.com/article_17063_5- ... ought.html

...Thanks. Now I'm even more depressed than I already was. D:

Heh, I was just going to write, "I wish I hadn't read that article, now." Gah.

We don't need the internet to tell us how much it sucks to be single. I already know that, especially when the singleness wasn't even the fault of my ex or myself but from an overbearing mother. So now I'll never know how far it could have gone. >.<

I can only speak for myself here, but I actually really like being single. I used to try to date, but I was only doing it because society told me that's what I should be doing. I had no internal motivation; my brain doesn't have all my emotional relationship wires hooked up. Well, I took my proverbial bottle of fukitol and I'm actually alot happier now without all that pressure. My job and education dictate that I cannot be a hermit for most of the time, so at the end of the day, I want to satisfy my aspie side by shutting myself in my room. I already spend all day with people, and I would rather have my cherished alone time than have to share it with someone else.

Just my experiences, so take them for what it cost me to write them...

New York City tends to be rigged towards people who can tolerate being roommates, whether they're in relationships or not. Being able to room alone in the more affluent parts of the city is difficult without significant income to apply to the situation. Short version: if you're a Starbucks barista, with only that economic resource to apply to your housing, you're not living in a nice loft with a doorman in a completely safe neighborhood anywhere in Manhattan, and neither are your other fellow baristas who are living alone with only their own wages to pay for their own housing.

It can be uncommon for (for lack of better phrasing), white, non-culturally-specific Americans to live with their own parents, but this does happen and no one tends to think much of it. Then again, there tends not to be much free floating concern with how people live their lives in general.

(This may make NYC sound nicer than it sometimes is...)

Well, I am not sure myself if being single does in fact suck inherently. I suspect it sucks more than it should because of the role people in society end up leading when single, and the lack of status and just general stuff for single people, especially in certain places.

I have lived in cities where being single wasnt such a bad thing as there was a huge singles population, but the city I live in right now really is not good. Most people I see walking out and about are either 1) in a couple 2) In a couple with children 3) Groups of women out with children or 4) Not in couples, but at least 5 years younger than me.

I wouldn't know, conforming to the social norms and expectations of the English culture isn't something I tend to pay much notice too. And its only getting worse the older I get.

I would say for my age group the expectations maybe there but the pressure tends to be from people of my parents generation and above. By now my parents had two children a house an were both in established careers. I've only got one of those nailed down so far but my current life objectives do not neccesarily include the other things at this moment in time, if ever.

When people ask and find out that I am single I am uncertain if their reactions are A) A compliment "oh i'm suprised your quite a nice/hot guy" or B) oh thats a shame (thinking to themselves "no wonder, f*****g weirdo") C) HELLO f**kwit HIT ON ME ALREADY! (I'm quite bad for never recognising when C occurs )

Yup. Every time I have a heated argument with someone and they are losing and decide to make it personal the first thing they say is "you dont even have a girlfriend loser", to which I usually answer along the lines of "you dont even have the mental capacity to continue arguing".

But yes family, friends everyone is always asking about girls and such and I find it infuriating.

I don't normally see people specifically putting me down for being one of the unlovables, but what I have seen is that people treat me as if I'm a kid, like my opinions don't matter...