Do I write her or not?

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So there's a girl I knew from high school that I had a crush on. We kept in touch throughout college via email, and we went on a date or two over those several years. But nothing ever happened because of geography separating us, and f**k me if I knew if she liked me back or not. I mean we went out several times, but one date she cut a bit short (was supposed to be movie and coffee after, but she said she wanted to pass on coffeee and go home), and another time at the end I asked if I could kiss her and she said, 'Next time." So I should probably take a hint, but dammit, I don't want to give up, because I know I'm worth it, if only I could convince her I was good enough for her. Then when I got done with school I had hopes I could actually start dating her in earnest, but she started dating some tool she got set up on on a blind date. He reek of as*hole from his facebook profile, and I don't think it lasted long. At least I hope not, because he didn't deserve her.

I played the gentlemen, and said I was happy for her, and said we should keep in touch, but of course she quit responding to my emails after that. Maybe she's just a cruel b***h, but maybe it was because she actually liked me, and was just avoiding me because she didn't want to be tempted since she was in a relationship. Either way, I gave up writing her. A year passed.

Now, two days ago I was on a trail doing a speed workout...repeats miles in 5:30 per mile (I'm a pretty good runner). I'm running and I go past her and a friend. She says "Hi" to me, and I say "Hi" back though I couldn't stop since I'm in the middle of the speed workout. But later, she and the friend were gone, so I never got to follow up.

I'm tempted to write her again. Explain how I was sorry I couldn't talk but I was doing a workout and all. I figure it might be a good way to get my foot back in the door, and maybe make it work this time. Now that I'm doing better money wise, have a place of my own, and I'm starting to become respected in my field, she might see I'm worth it, and I'm good enough for her.

Of course, the negative side of me says, "f**k her, she couldn't even have the decency to be your friend when you needed her." the negative sides says, "You're better than her. She's medicore and stupid for rejecting you, and you'll find somone better than her."

I try not to listen to these feelings, and to be positive. And I'm not a quitter. I try not to give up when I go for something, and I liked her so much I don't want to give up. Or something. I just can't get this girl out of my head. I can't forget any of the girls that rejected me, and if I can win the heart of just ONE, it will mean I'm not a loser, that I am worthy to someone as a human being. I CAN win.

So do I write her again, or write her off?

You could stop your speed workout for few minutes, just saying.

Dear Brian,

I think she's made her decision clear, she's not interested. And truly she doesn't deserve you. my advise is move on and find someone who is interested in knowing you. you sound like a nice guy, just keep looking. signed Alexsmom2202

you have said some things that are like red flags to me. Ill leave it to someone more qualified to explain it because im not good with sensitive things like this.

Anyway just do what you want to do.

Seems like due to lack of not coming out with feelings, there are some resentments.

How exactly is it her fault that you went away and she started seeing someone else?
She dated an as*hole. Sometimes when you date someone who isn't good for you, you learn what you don't like.

She didn't have the decency to be your friend when you needed her? You claimed you were happy for her when you weren't then you are being negative about it thinking she's a cruel b***h for perhaps trying to stay faithful to her boyfriend at the time.

If you were really in her friend zone while she was in a relationship meaning she didn't like you at all in a relationship way, she probably wouldn't have felt bad about talking to you. That means she isn't the type that cheats. Good catch.

While you are insisting you are a good catch, you're better than her the truth is you have strong feelings for her. Is it because she's pretty and a good conquest or is it because there is something about her that you feel drawn to?

If you feel this magnetic push to her and have strong feelings. It is very hard to get those feelings out. Try dating her again. Don't let her go find another as*hole that will turn her into a slut. That is if you really aren't one yourself.

Okay, so I took the plunge and wrote her today. Waited a few days, since that seems to be the thing to do according to the (BS) rules of The Game. I like to be upfront and not play those games, but that's gotten me jack s**t, so now I'll do whatever it takes. Trying to play the cool, casual approach.

My angle of attack was ostensibly to apologize for not stopping to talk on the trail, and I explained how I was doing a workout, and thought I'd catch her afterward, but she was gone, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then I asked about how she was doing with work and all. Playing it pretty casual, like "what ever" to use the parlance.

Gonna keep at this. She's a great girl, and I'm sick, sick, sick of accepting defeat and moving on to the next eventual failure and emasculating, humiliating rejection. I'm gonna fight and win, and prove I AM worth it, that I'm not a loser.

perservence is good, but persevering with someone who has made her feelings clear is not productive. she is making her feelings pretty clear to you now, just like she did in the past. there is nothing to prove by being persistent with that same girl at this point. the ball is in her court, and she did not lob it back to you; i suggest you drop it and move on.

it would probably be best for you to use your newfound energy and sense of direction to focus on a new woman.

But people change, and before I was still living at home after graduating and didn't have much money. I wasn't a worthy catch, but now I'm making more, have a great place, and I'm starting to build some respect and a name for myself in my field. I was always nice to her and listened to her problems, and now that I'm starting my climb to the top, she'll finally see that I am a success and worthy of her.

uhoh.
should always aim for someone who loves you when you're nothing

but if she hasn't responded to your message, then she isn't going to be more likely to answer if you send a second or third message either. she already knows you want to talk to her - extra messages will not help.

The last time I wrote her prior to this was a year ago, when I gave up trying to keep in touch after she quit responding to me. But a lot can happen in a year. Maybe now she will see how I've improved, that now I have value and am worthy of love, That I'm not a loser without prospects.

you said you just wrote to her again and that you will wait a few days. then you will leave it alone if she doesn't answer..... right?

Brianruns10 Ive been on a similar situation a couple of times and Im going to give you the best advice they gave me.

This girl stopped contact with you without giving an explanation and now she is suddendly interested on saying hi to you god knows why.
The fact that she made an effort to say hi to you could mean several things(and one of them would be that her feelings have changed)but think about this carefully, she stopped all contact without a reason and now years later she is suddendly showing some sort of interest on you, is that what you are expecting from a partner?, are you looking for someone who will just dissapear without a reason or are you trying to find something more stable?.

Im not saying that theres a wrong choice but if you contact her gain you should know that its more than likely that this sh*t will happen again and you should prepare yourself for that.

This is going to end badly.

You have pinned your definition of "worthy" on whether she is attracted to you or not. So now if it turns out she isn't attracted to you then you will either:

1)feel worthless

or

2)think that she's a terrible person for not appreciating that you are worthy

It's not a very good state of affairs. It starts with the horribly wrong assumption that women will automatically be attracted to any man who is worthy enough but that's not how it works at all. Women are attracted to the men who fulfill whatever subconscious psychological needs they have. That has nothing to do with worthiness. It's a really bad idea to pin your self esteem on whether some random woman finds you attractive or not.

I think you're reading way too much into this. When someone simply doesn't care about what someone else does it's usually because they have a busy life/interests are focused elsewhere. It's nothing to do with "being worthy" of anyone. You just aren't a priority to her. I know it hurts, because when guys have made me "not a priority" after I have been in the past it's really heartbreaking. But you can't change people. You just have to let them go or risk looking like a stalker. It took me two months to stop crying about a guy who de-prioritised me but you get through it.

I wouldn't bother, I know because guys try what you've done on me. I don't dislike or hate them at all, I'm just not interested in them. I would just take it as a hint and move on. Having been at both ends of the stick, there's no right or wrong way to handle it, it just happens.

You're opening yourself up to making yourself look a lot worse if you keep writing her.

Your attitude is too wrong to apply any tip in any dating/pickup book successfully.

So even if you wait a few days, you're not doing anything much to attract her.

The real rules are what the ladies here hinted at. Stop basing your worth on whether or not one particular woman likes you.