Your Relationship Philosophy

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This isn't another one of those "what qualities do you look for?" threads. Rather, this is a "what are your views on certain relationship-related issues?"

Here are some questions that would fit that description:

1. What things do you consider to be cheating?

2. Are you the type who has no problem compromising, or are you the type who has to dominate/be dominated (regarding sex, finances, lifestyles, etc.) Note that I wasn't referring to BDSM, or that type of dominating.

3. What things constitute signs of weakness in a partner?

4. If the lifestyles of you and your partner are opposite one another, how would you deal with that?

I may come up with more, and feel free to come up with some questions of your own.

I think this would depend on the individual person I was having a relationship with, what level of commitment we had and so on. But generally, in a commited relationship, obviously all things sexual, including kissing on the lips. Plus emotional cheating, which can be quite difficult to define really. I guess the person doing the cheating would know if they were cheating. It's all about intention.




I'm generally a sharing sort. So I don't like to dominate or be dominated. If there are certain strengths in a relationship, then it makes sense for particular tasks to be done more by one partner, for example if one partner loves cooking and the other doesn't, or if one partner is great at keeping on tabs of the bills and the other would rather hide in the cupboard. Compromise is essential in all relationships.




Maybe a lack of self awareness. Materialism. Aggression. Being argumentative. Being inconsiderate of others' feelings. Putting people down.
That sort of thing.




That might be tricky. If a person is very outgoing, and likes to go to parties every night, or is very focussed on money and the accumulation of wealth, then it's unlikely that we would be partners anyway. I do think that opposites can attract, and sometimes that can work out. But, everyone needs room for their own interests and goals, and personal space (especially for aspies methinks). So obviously them spending time on activities I'm not interested in is fine. And vice versa. Although it would be nice to also have some shared interests. Y'know, for conversation 'n that.

1. What things do you consider to be cheating?

Relationships require 3 pieces: commitment, intimacy,and passion. If these three pieces are exhibited in tandem with another, then I would consider it to be cheating. One can be committed to other interests and people outside of a relationship, and intimate contact between good friends is common (and lacks "passion").

2. Are you the type who has no problem compromising, or are you the type who has to dominate/be dominated (regarding sex, finances, lifestyles, etc.) Note that I wasn't referring to BDSM, or that type of dominating.

I am the type who is open to compromise, but will refuse to bend on certain issues. I strive to give the ground that I am willing to while standing ground in other places in an attempt to maintain balance.

3. What things constitute signs of weakness in a partner?

Dependency. A relationship should be founded on "wants", not needs.

4. If the lifestyles of you and your partner are opposite one another, how would you deal with that?


I would accept her for who she is, and would expect this to be reciprocated; every person needs space. Failure to do so would lead to a break-up.

If my partner goes behind my back and forms an intimate relationship with another person.



It depends on what area of life we're talking about. There are some things I won't budge on, some I just don't care enough about, and some I will actively work to find a happy medium on. Most things fall under either the second or third category.



I'm not entirely sure how to answer this one.



Depends on what's in opposition. Does it negatively impact the relationship? If so, to what extent?

1. What things do you consider to be cheating?

anything outside of the barriers agreed. so having a physical or intimate relationship with someone else.

2. Are you the type who has no problem compromising, or are you the type who has to dominate/be dominated (regarding sex, finances, lifestyles, etc.) Note that I wasn't referring to BDSM, or that type of dominating.

i prefer someone else to make the big decisions. but a collaboration is probably better.

3. What things constitute signs of weakness in a partner?

not really sure what this means...i think being weak in some areas is a good thing. if theres no shows of vunerability, is there really a relationship?

4. If the lifestyles of you and your partner are opposite one another, how would you deal with that?

they kind of are. he's more outgoing, needs to be social, active. where as i am happy to be passive. it seems to work because i don't really like someone around 24/7 - and likewise him.

my philosophy is similar to the people above, and i am quite fluid in this area. basically, it depends on what my partner and i agree upon. i tend to be very jealous in the early stages of a relationship or when things are insecure. later on when things feel more secure, i loosen up. and our mutual definition of cheating usually evolves with the relationship.

i expect and demand openness and honesty, so that means sometimes the truths i have had to hear can be hard to stomach. but those hard truths can lead to dialogue, and potentially improvement in a relationship.

with somewhere around 50% of the coupled population likely to cheat at some point, it forces me to think about the multiple reasons behind the actions and what it can mean for two individuals in a relationship. in my eyes it doesn't instantly turn the cheater into a bad person or an enemy - it just exposes the fact that things are not working as well as they should in the relationship.

to me, cheating is not always an unforgiveable offense. cheating is kind of a red flag that the couple is having issues and maybe a re-evaluation is in order. maybe it signals that it's time for the relationship to change in terms of character or commitment (i.e. open marriage, polygamy, etc.).

sometimes, it can mean that the mutual commitment is broken and needs fixing as the couple isn't fulfilled anymore. or maybe it would be time to move on. but i consider infidelity more of a symptom than a catalyst.


i have no problems compromising (prefer 50/50 overall), but it invariably looks like this example:

partner: do you want to get new dishes?
me: NO! never! i love my dishes. they are special to me. you know that! why are you even asking?
partner: ok, fine, sorry to ask.
...next day or week or even 10 minutes later...
me: remember we were talking about dishes? some of the old ones are cracked. how about we supplement them with a few that you like? we can eventually replace them all as they break.

i just need time to think about it...


i don't think about people like that.

(Tim_Tex, is this related to something that an ex-girlfriend said once? people say dumb things as they are exiting relationships, and it can be hard to separate the truths from the potshots. your next girlfriend is unlikely to say anything like that to you, and you need to find a way to scrub that out of your mind before it becomes a permanent fixture. it will cripple your self-esteem and prevent you from moving on.)


most differences i can handle, though a cohesive state doesn't just happen by default like it would if interests and activities and beliefs were similar. it basically has meant in my situations that lots of discussion, accommodation, and commitment is required.

but these relationships are also precious, because the couple has to regularly re-commit to each other by compromising and going out of their way to support each other if they want it to work out. in a relationship with a lot of opposites, the partners can't get complacent and default to an easy state where everything falls into place. in a sense, it has to be more active than passive, in my experience.


i think i talked too much already. eep.

Depends on the relationship.



I'm a compromiser. I can be more assertive or less depending on conditions. I lead where my skills or proclivity or character or whatever suggest I should, and am happy to be led where the other person has more authority.



Eh? Iron deficiency? Needs explaining.



How opposite? Exactly? Their opposite qualities may perfectly complement my own.

If he invested 99% of our relationship with a tv, computer or person.




Depends but I'm probably what you'd call a little dominating if it should get to that....




If he's a jerk and doesn't like women or can't invest himself physically or intimately. Not sure if that was one is a really a sign of weakness in general though.





It would depend. We either compromise or tolerate our oppositions or I get my whip out and tell him my way or the highway.




Alright then.

1. What things do you consider to be cheating?

Physically, it's doing things with another person that are romantic or intimate (holding hands, kissing), but I agree with Henbane that the person doing the cheating knows what they're doing. I hold hands with my female friends sometimes, and I have even kissed their foreheads, but this isn't romantic at all. My boyfriend knows about it and doesn't consider it cheating, because I'm not attracted to these friends at all.

Emotional cheating is much harder to define and an easier trap to slip into. I'm not sure what the definition is, myself.

2. Are you the type who has no problem compromising, or are you the type who has to dominate/be dominated (regarding sex, finances, lifestyles, etc.) Note that I wasn't referring to BDSM, or that type of dominating.

I prefer to compromise.

3. What things constitute signs of weakness in a partner?

The inability to compromise, a lack of caring about the other person's point of view

4. If the lifestyles of you and your partner are opposite one another, how would you deal with that?

In many ways, this is me and my boyfriend. I'm much more social than he is, and in addition I am much more of an "outdoorsy" person. With the social thing, I just have to have a healthy social life outside of the relationship, and the ability to hang out with other friends (not relying on my boyfriend to help me meet my social needs) so he can have his alone time. The outdoors/indoors thing is much the same. I want to go on bikerides, or camping trips, or go swimming with him; his dislike of the outdoors means I just have to find others to do these things with.

Anything remotely sexual or romantic with a person other than me.


I am somewhat dominant by nature, but am open to compromise.


Don't know, don't care. I am strong enough for both of us. He should be able to open jars, though.


He would need to either conform to my lifestyle or accept that he will be left out of a sizable portion of my life. If his lifestyle is truly the opposite of mine (going clubbing and such), there would be no room for compromise on my part. He would be free to do his own thing without me, though, of course.

Here is my relationship philosophy:

1. What constitutes cheating: If a partner has sexual contact with another guy. If she has male friends she hangs out with, but there is no intimacy, I don't consider that cheating. I have no problem with a partner having friends of the opposite sex, and I am not the jealous type.

2. Compromise vs. domination: I am very open to compromise, and I don't need anything to be my way all the time. However, there might be some things in the relationship where I may be more suited, or where she may be more suited. As for sex, I have a rather high sex drive, and if she's asexual or has a very low sex drive, that may complicate things. Finance-wise, I feel that both people should be equal breadwinners and have good, stable careers. I would initiate a relationship, but in general, I feel that traditional gender roles are slowly becoming a thing of the past.

3. Signs of weakness: If she can't admit when she is wrong, if she can't hold herself accountable for her actions, if she lacks integrity, if she lies, if she bails when things are difficult.

4. Opposing lifestyles: I like traveling and being outdoors, and would prefer someone who likes the same. However, being outdoors in Houston, where I currently live, can be quite dangerous in the summer with the heat and humidity. But I will not completely write off anyone who is a bit on the sedentary side.

Physical contact with another woman (not family members), anything approaching our level of emotional/verbal intimacy

I don't prefer domination or being dominated, though I actively-prefer to be mostly deferential in decision-making (I don't have sex anymore), but I object when I feel compelled to.

Don't understand.
Edit (Thanks, Artros) Urm...well. I'm not looking for someone who drinks or smokes/does drugs, I suppose. A lack of either introspection or emotional intelligence would likely be a deal-breaker, and not because I declare it so- I'm quite difficult for the average person to deal with.

I'm dealing with this right now, or trying to. It doesn't bother him so much, but then the "difference in lifestyles" involves him doing things I oppose ethically, and having a wide social network which I lack/don't want. I'm not really sure how it will play out over the long haul....

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 04 Aug 2011, 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anything romantic or sexual with another person. Physical contact in itself is not bad, but I think most people know what cheating is.



It all depends. I generally feel more comfortable when the other takes decisions, but I'm sure it works up to something comfortable at some point.



This does not really compute. Reading your own answers, it seems more like you're talking about "bad characteristics". If so, then any dishonesty is a killer.



I would give her her space and assume I'd get my own.

Anything that breaks the the established agreement of the relationship in question. In my case, that would be if my bf were to have sexual contact with another person without notifying me.


I generally do the compromising thing, though I don't really think about it that way. Mostly I think in terms of joint-decision-making.


Um. I don't know? Rapid blood loss, maybe?


I am not entirely sure what exactly you mean by "lifestyle", but I'm pretty sure that this is not something I'd be able to deal with.

1. What things do you consider to be cheating?

Anything done with someone of the attracted sex behind your partners back. Flirty text messages is cheating. Seeing other people behind your partners back for anything really is cheating.

2. Are you the type who has no problem compromising, or are you the type who has to dominate/be dominated (regarding sex, finances, lifestyles, etc.) Note that I wasn't referring to BDSM, or that type of dominating.

I don't have to be dominated, but I prefer to be. I'm not attracted to submissive guys.

3. What things constitute signs of weakness in a partner?

Clingy, moany, whiny, push over, brown noser, lap dog, can't make desicions

4. If the lifestyles of you and your partner are opposite one another, how would you deal with that?

It depends what it is. Generally it wouldn't work, but I can't say for sure.

Last edited by hale_bopp on 04 Aug 2011, 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

False affection (using affection to manipulate me) or "betrayal of intimacy" (using something I confided to her against me)

As for the usual meaning of "cheating", I'm not a strong believer in exclusivity, assuming the previous conditions are met and deception isn't put into play.



I see myself as being submissive in practical matters, dominant in ideas. So, metaphorically speaking, I would be the Research and Development department in the relationship and she would be the Operations Management department. Of course, that's a simplification.



An inability to be earnest. Cynicism.



My lifestyle is what it is, in part, out of necessity. If someone with a strongly different lifestyle took a romantic interest in me, it would require a lot of negotiation and mutual adjustment to deal with that. Ultimately, we would likely have to set aside spheres of our lives that are outside of the relationship.