Theory of Mind and Understanding the Opposite Sex

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A lot of us have difficulty understanding other people in general--their motives, why they behave the way they do, etc. When it comes to understanding the opposite sex and placing ourselves in their shoes, it can be even harder, especially for people who weren't raised with opposite-gender siblings or who haven't had the chance to make opposite-gender friends before.

If understanding each other is so tough, it's no wonder so many of us have trouble getting into relationships and maintaining them or that members of both sexes sometimes make broad and inaccurate generalizations on this forum. I think it could be constructive if we try our best to educate ourselves on what challenges are unique and similar between AS men and women and what we all go through. (Note that I just said "constructive." I'm not suggesting it would make all our troubles disappear and dating will suddenly become easy, lol.)

Could we use this thread to share resources (books, reputable websites or blogs, films, etc) that can help us better understand each other?

I don't have any resources I could recommend for better understanding men and hope someone else can help with offering some. For men better trying to understand Aspie women, I'd highly recommend Aspergirls by Rudy Simone. It's excellent. Also, it might be good to keep an eye on Kristen Lindsmith's blog about female perspectives here on WP. Outside of those two resources, I'm not really sure, since there has not been much written about AS women.

I have no interest in reading any book for understanding aspie girls better, I know no aspie girl around here.

Fair enough. How about books to better understand NT women, though? Honestly, I'd really benefit from that myself.

I think I am done with the books/articles' theories about this subject, it's the practice I lack.

Those relationship books are often like the business books, they are just set of theories and experiences of one person. Umm...they're not very useful.

I think they're useful to the extent that knowledge gives you some confidence that you actually know what you're doing. The problem is that the NT world largely gets this intuitively - meaning they've got "talent" - getting a rudimentary understanding from a book will always be sub-optimal...

Yes please, I would like as much knowledge as possible on the opposite sex, since I have no sisters (I have a half sister though ) or any IRL female friends.

I haven't really had too much problems understanding the opposite sex, I have analyzed women ever since I was young. I just haven't interacted with them on the level I would have liked, due to my own insecurities (which I am glad to say are shedding by the day)

The Autism Women's Network has profiles on their website, with some first accounts from women with ASD that might be interesting for some:

http://autismwomensnetwork.org/FAIM/category/profiles/

"The Autism Women’s Network is featuring posts by females on the autism spectrum as well as parents and caregivers. We hope to give the public a better idea of what female autism is in the words of people who actually live it every day."

Books can provide a baseline of what's more likely. And from there we can kind of "right-brain" it. Take a medium step, observe feedback, another medium step, observe feedback (and this seemingly very simple approach, I have found extremely helpful)

I also try to consciously turn down my internal censor so that the default setting is that it's probably okay to go ahead and say something, unless it just jumps out at me as clearly inappropriate. And this has also been helpful.

I like the way blueroses is thinking so since this thread doesnt seem to have a good reception on most users Im asking if you´d like something similar to the nt/as hotline that exists on some other section(forgot which) where you could ask questions to the opposite sex and anyone that feels like answering could answer them.

Sure, why not? I think that's a great idea. I mean, as long as we can keep it civil and everything.

i much agree. I find all these articles and sources and quotes and advice columns thrown around in this subforum to be rather useless. Theory and actuality are two different things. And honestly if you go in to someone expecting them to follow what a book told you then you are destined to fail.

For what it's worth, what I was really trying to do was give people opportunities to understand more about how the opposite sex perceives things, so people would be better able to relate to the opposite sex, in general. I think that unless someone can do that, they are bound to have difficulties establishing and maintaining relationships.

I wasn't talking about guides to dating or how-to advice on how to pick up women, which, you guys are right, probably would not be too helpful. There's been a lot of bitter, sexist rants going on and I just thought if we understood one another's experiences better it might help quell that.

ive never looked at one in my life. The opposite sex isn't something to be conquered. I look for the right girl, i want someone i can be myself round, not someone i have to keep a mask on with for the rest of my life. Urrgggh, fu*k that.

I don't have anything to recommend, I wish I did.
It is so very frustrating to be lacking that fundamental understanding and those instinctual landmarks that most people take for granted.

So I thought I'd dedicate this song to you and all the ladies here on WP instead.

I recently came across this lovely young woman and her fantastic, soulful rendition of, To Make You Feel My Love. What a voice....

It's my hope that all of you find someone who loves you like this. It's not going to happen for everyone and that's a sad reality. If it hasn't happened for you yet, well - It's not over until it's over, as they say

Hang in there good people of WP

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgoq8gEosWY&feature=channel_video_title[/youtube]

I think trying to understand how an NT vs an Autie or a woman vs a man thinks isn't a solution to the sexism-
it's the CAUSE of the sexism.
There are people here who legitimately dislike if not hate women because the *individual* women in their lives have mistreated them,
and they swear up and down this is rational.
It's the tendency to see oneself as a member of one group and think of people in terms of Other that translates into so much anger.