Any idea how I can attract a girl?

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19 Nov 2011, 7:34 pm

For some reason I kinda feel a bit plain. I haven't really found something that I really like, so I don't have the passion thing going for me. Not to mention I lag a bit in the social department. I am kinda like the guy in the corner to myself. I also can't hold a conversation out of my interests.

I am pretty confident that most people can't really tell that I have aspergers, so that is kinda good. Yes I have tried clubs before and I made some friends but I still pretty much feel the same. It is like I can absorb all the information around me but I don't really have a direction to take that information. Same thing happens when I am trying to socialize.



LjosalfrBlot
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19 Nov 2011, 9:53 pm

Find another girl with aspergers. That way you will be able to understand each other better. :wink: It's what I did.



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19 Nov 2011, 11:04 pm

Thats good and all but from what I understand aspergers is more common in guys.



MountainLaurel
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19 Nov 2011, 11:16 pm

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Thats good and all but from what I understand aspergers is more common in guys.

Is this ^ an example of this:
Quote:
It is like I can absorb all the information around me but I don't really have a direction to take that information.
?



deconstruction
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19 Nov 2011, 11:18 pm

As you're about to see on this site, there are plenty of Aspie girls. It's true there are more men with Asperger's and Autism (for the reasons that are still not fully medically explained), but there ARE Aspie girls out there (and over here).

Still, I don't think an Aspie girl is the only option for you.

You obviously have some social skills, which is more than many people with Asperger's have, so start from there. I bet you have some passions (what about your special interests?) It's true Aspies can go overboard with their interest to the point of annoying other people, but you should start with something that interests you. Nobody's 100% plain.

As for interacting with others, girls especially, women like to talk about themselves, so it's always a good thing to make them talk about their lives, their interests or, when you know them a bit better, their hopes and dreams.



fraac
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19 Nov 2011, 11:30 pm

Best way that worked for me was by accidentally finding social scenes with psychopaths as the alpha males, and then they would go nuts and hand me the best girl when I wouldn't (couldn't) acknowledge a hierarchy. No idea how you could seek them out. Maybe they're everywhere if I can extrapolate from my few examples.



Teredia
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19 Nov 2011, 11:49 pm

well if you were about 20-30 years old I have an aspie gal mate looking for a boy friend. a guy who wont stand her up, but i bet you dont even live in Australia.
but yeah me n my friend are aspie girls. theres surprisingly heaps out there.
but aspie woman are even stranger creatures than NT woman and though they may get aspie men better, still aspie men have a hard time getting them. =) woman are and always will be strange cretaures no matter what species they may be xD


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AspergianRyan
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20 Nov 2011, 12:13 am

Teredia wrote:
but aspie woman are even stranger creatures than NT woman


I don't think I could fully understand either gender group.



MountainLaurel
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20 Nov 2011, 12:21 am

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Best way that worked for me was by accidentally finding social scenes with psychopaths as the alpha males, and then they would go nuts and hand me the best girl when I wouldn't (couldn't) acknowledge a hierarchy.


Fraac, that's creepy. What kind of girl gets handed out by sociopaths to other guys? "Best girl"? Compared to what?



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20 Nov 2011, 12:38 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqrjvbnKS0Y[/youtube]

That's how.



confirmation
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20 Nov 2011, 12:38 am

deconstruction wrote:
As you're about to see on this site, there are plenty of Aspie girls. It's true there are more men with Asperger's and Autism (for the reasons that are still not fully medically explained), but there ARE Aspie girls out there (and over here).

Still, I don't think an Aspie girl is the only option for you.

You obviously have some social skills, which is more than many people with Asperger's have, so start from there. I bet you have some passions (what about your special interests?) It's true Aspies can go overboard with their interest to the point of annoying other people, but you should start with something that interests you. Nobody's 100% plain.

As for interacting with others, girls especially, women like to talk about themselves, so it's always a good thing to make them talk about their lives, their interests or, when you know them a bit better, their hopes and dreams.


Yeah, I kinda have an idea what my special talent is. Just don't have any idea what to do with it. I like to be very hands on constructing or deconstructing things. When I was little I always liked legos and stuff. Being a blacksmith or a craftmaster seems kinda fun, but the practice seems kinda outdated. Also I am not really creative, but when I look at things I try to analyze the objects mentally, like how they work and stuff. I tried engineering and the math really set me off. I am mostly indifferent and lazy to math but I can understand it as long as it isn't theoretical stuff. I tried architecture for like a year and I definitely realize I am not creative enough for that. Right now I am trying accounting and I can understand the fundamentals, but I am kinda indifferent to it right now. I think I could handle accounting.

Teredia wrote:
well if you were about 20-30 years old I have an aspie gal mate looking for a boy friend. a guy who wont stand her up, but i bet you dont even live in Australia.
but yeah me n my friend are aspie girls. theres surprisingly heaps out there.
but aspie woman are even stranger creatures than NT woman and though they may get aspie men better, still aspie men have a hard time getting them. =) woman are and always will be strange cretaures no matter what species they may be xD


Thanks but yeah, I don't live anywhere near Australia.





So anyone have an idea what I can do with my talents? Any idea is appreciated.
As for socializing I just have a bit of a hard time initiating things and kinda holding the conversation. I am also told I am very random. When I say something sometimes it tends to be extremely loosely tied to the conversation in some way but really has no relevance.



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20 Nov 2011, 12:57 am

MountainLaurel wrote:
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Best way that worked for me was by accidentally finding social scenes with psychopaths as the alpha males, and then they would go nuts and hand me the best girl when I wouldn't (couldn't) acknowledge a hierarchy.


Fraac, that's creepy. What kind of girl gets handed out by sociopaths to other guys? "Best girl"? Compared to what?


By 'hand me the best girl' I meant his facade would necessarily be discarded, effectively pushing the girl towards whoever was not affecting a facade. Best compared to the girls who reacted differently to psychopathic facades being dropped, usually by covering for them.



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20 Nov 2011, 4:09 am

fraac wrote:
MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
Best way that worked for me was by accidentally finding social scenes with psychopaths as the alpha males, and then they would go nuts and hand me the best girl when I wouldn't (couldn't) acknowledge a hierarchy.


Fraac, that's creepy. What kind of girl gets handed out by sociopaths to other guys? "Best girl"? Compared to what?


By 'hand me the best girl' I meant his facade would necessarily be discarded, effectively pushing the girl towards whoever was not affecting a facade. Best compared to the girls who reacted differently to psychopathic facades being dropped, usually by covering for them.


It seems like you think everyone is a sociopath :roll:



ArtemisHolmes
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20 Nov 2011, 11:22 am

So you like legos, huh? Well, making huge lego constructions is creative. You don't even need to be especially creative for it. Decide on something that may or may not be relevant to anything (A building, a car, a heart for the girl you like), and build it. Show it off! Also, it isn't necessarily a certain passion or talent that attracts people. Having a similar belief system is also very, very nice. What about TV shows? Movies? Music? Beliefs on life, morals, all those things can help people identify with one another.

You're random? Well, there are people who are just as, if not more, random. I know several people who enjoy being random and are good at responding to random comments/events.

If you're not up to actively going into the dating scene (IE: Asking girls you don't know too well out, learning how to flirt especially well, etc), approach girls without being 100% intent on attracting them romantically. Basically, start up conversations as friends, but make sure to keep the possibility of romance open the whole time. This is where you might need decent skills in giving an occasional flirty comment.

Of course, there are plenty of situations that disregard everything and make no sense at all how you got to be with one another. But I wish you luck in your ventures!

*waves at his pretty stalker*


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20 Nov 2011, 1:54 pm

confirmation wrote:
For some reason I kinda feel a bit plain. I haven't really found something that I really like, so I don't have the passion thing going for me. Not to mention I lag a bit in the social department. I am kinda like the guy in the corner to myself. I also can't hold a conversation out of my interests.

I am pretty confident that most people can't really tell that I have aspergers, so that is kinda good. Yes I have tried clubs before and I made some friends but I still pretty much feel the same. It is like I can absorb all the information around me but I don't really have a direction to take that information. Same thing happens when I am trying to socialize.


You need to be able to direct the information in some way that makes the person you're interacting with feel relevance towards what you're saying, in other words, make them feel some connectivity or feel like there's an importance to what you're saying and how it relates to them personally.

Also to build more comfort up socializing, don't just socialize with the random girl, go out and socialize with everyone, the person behind the counter, the old person sitting on the bench, the young girl walking her dog in the park. Make a conscious effort to see how they respond to different comments and responses and make a mental note at what receives a positive response and what receives a negative response, the more you practice, the better you'll get at directing the flow of the conversation and information.



fraac
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20 Nov 2011, 3:37 pm

Mego wrote:
fraac wrote:
MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
Best way that worked for me was by accidentally finding social scenes with psychopaths as the alpha males, and then they would go nuts and hand me the best girl when I wouldn't (couldn't) acknowledge a hierarchy.


Fraac, that's creepy. What kind of girl gets handed out by sociopaths to other guys? "Best girl"? Compared to what?


By 'hand me the best girl' I meant his facade would necessarily be discarded, effectively pushing the girl towards whoever was not affecting a facade. Best compared to the girls who reacted differently to psychopathic facades being dropped, usually by covering for them.


It seems like you think everyone is a sociopath :roll:


No, it just kept happening!

The lesson is simple: get into social situations and stay honest. Then you will attract girls. Just be friendly and honest. Girls love that.