Are you married to/in a relationship with another AS person?

Page 1 of 2 [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

gnatterfly
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 166

20 Dec 2011, 1:54 pm

This is a thread so people can share their stories of aspy/aspy, ausi/ausi love!! <3
:D Love can be a difficult thing for us. Everything from home-sharing rules, to physical contact can set us off or make us squeemish. So, does having a partner who has similar needs help make you feel less afriad of intamacy?

I am a 24 and 8 1/2 month old Aspy female. I am married to a 27 year old Aspy male. We met and got married rather quickly, because we just felt so comfortable tgether. I have physical contact issues, right from the get-go. I like to nuzzle, but not to cuddle. I like having my own room and my own space to study and write. He likes having his own room as well, and the sleeping together happens spontaneously, depending on how we both feel on any given night.

He is a gifted actor, chef and painter. I am a musician, philosopher and writer. We talk about our special interest a lot.
I remember being in relationships with NT's. I loved them so, but always had to pretend to be normal. It was very awkward at their families' holiday gatherings, because they all saw me as an anomoly. I was obviously well-spoken and intelligent, but the things I had to say didn't hold their attention.
With my husband, it's amazing. His family already expects odd-yet-intelligent conversation from him, and see me as this adorable freak like him, to everyone we meet, we are a match made in heaven.
Some people question the dynamics of our relationship, but I feel so blessed having a supportive man in my life, who loves what I do and say. Who thinks my quirks are awesome, and has similar space issues.
While other couples go out shopping, or to dinner, we enjoy a bottle of wine and a game of Magic: The Gathering. Or we'll make dinner (ok ok he'll make dinner) and we'll MST3K as many b-movies as we can get our hands on!
I love my husband and cannot stress enough, how comfortable being with another aspy makes me feel!! :)


_________________
Tonight you can't put me up on any shelf
Because I came here alone and I'm gonna leave by myself!


theaspiemusician
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 14 Dec 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 384
Location: The Cosmos

20 Dec 2011, 1:59 pm

I'm in a relationship with the biggest geek in the world, but I'm not honestly sure they're an Aspie. They just don't do the Aspie walk or have the aspie voice. (yes there's an Aspie walk and yes aspies talk a certain way. they even have their own facial expressions!! !)



Solvejg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,558
Location: gondwana

20 Dec 2011, 3:41 pm

I am dating a man on the spectrum. He isnt diagnosed but is sure he ias on it. He hand flaps and stims and talks a lot about his special topics which usually involve sons of anarchy and gaming. I find this relaxing. It is hard for me sometimes nit to take some of his actions personally. I have to remind myself that i act the same way and that what i expect from NT men and women doesnt apply. I just have to tell him exactly what i expect instead of him knowing. He is a lot more introverted then me and i have to remind him i need his affection.


_________________
I love diggin' in the dirt
With just a pick and brush
Finding fossils is my aim
So I'm never in a rush


addison
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 125

20 Dec 2011, 4:12 pm

i'm a 22 year old aspie male and i'm currently in a long distance relationship with a 24 or 25 (i forget which) year old aspie male. now everyone says long distance relationships are hard and i'd imagine it's even harder because we're both aspies. but we love each other and stuff. my internet connection sucks so we can't do much voice chat and forget video chat. it's even hard to play video games together. oh well.

a long distance relationship is the hardest from what i experienced. it's hard to show each other our feelings sometimes but we've been together for ~3 years i think so i know he loves me, even though it's hard for him to say it sometimes. i love him too.



ChrisP
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2011
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 271
Location: La France profonde

20 Dec 2011, 5:30 pm

At the other end of the scale... we are both Aspies, diagnosed in the last five years. We are in our 30th year of marriage, and have an Aspie son, now aged 27. We've had our ups and downs, but I was pensioned off this year as Too Mad To Be A Vicar, and we are now living contendedly in our retirement cottage and 1.5 acres of garden in France.



gnatterfly
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 166

20 Dec 2011, 7:28 pm

Congrats on your commitment to each other!! I hope to be able to say the same at your age!! Rock on! 8)


_________________
Tonight you can't put me up on any shelf
Because I came here alone and I'm gonna leave by myself!


resonate
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Dec 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 12

31 Dec 2011, 9:51 pm

I'm a female aspie he's a male aspie and we have been dating for 12 years. It is hard sometimes and at other times I feel like the luckiest, most loved and understoond womyn alive. We try to talk through everything as much as possible and love learning about each others obsessive interests... its free passionate learning! Who could hate that?

Some issues we have had: marriage; we both agreed to it year 2 but still have not gotten married. Kids; we go back and forth on the responsibility, money, abillity, desire etc. Careers; we are both capable professionals with jobs and options that neither of us want to sacrifice. Sex; we like monogamy sometimes but, being each others firsts we both occassionally think about polyamory... though it seams like way too much work and neither of us have ever saught out another partner. Flirtation and openness; we both have problems with this. We get so ope, missread others and send the wrong signals to people so much so that we have both been groped and assaulted a few times.

It can be rough... but that's life. At this point we just figure best try and survive this crazy world together and have fun while/when we can.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

31 Dec 2011, 10:50 pm

Yes. I'm in a long-term relationship with myself.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


Adam82
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 615

01 Jan 2012, 6:01 am

29 y.o Aspie male, and never been in a relationship with anyone, AS or otherwise



awriterswindow
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 17

01 Jan 2012, 10:48 am

I'm a 24 year old NT in a long-term relationship with a 26-year old Aspie. We've been together for 5.5. years and some of the things I most love about him are some of the things that make him an Aspie. I love that he's so passionate about specific topics, since some people live their lives with what seems like no passion at all. I love his brilliance. I love that he is pretty predictable and that I know his routine and find comfort in his loyalty. I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything, even though we do have some struggles that are specific to being in an AS/NT relationship.



DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,689
Location: Northern California

01 Jan 2012, 5:59 pm

We think my husband is probably Aspie, and no one is sure about me. Our son is diagnosed AS.

My husband was in a social group with my sister and that is how we connected: through my sister.

Neither one of us have extreme sensory issues, so that hasn't been an issue for us. My husband does hate crowds and I certainly have no need for them, so we've perfected the art of finding less popular ski resorts, going to amusement parks on off days, etc. I go to his work parties because I enjoy meeting new people; he avoids mine because he doesn't; and so on: we very much are live and let live with each other.

I think the biggest issue is that my husband really needs order, and I have executive dysfunction, so I'm really bad at keeping order in our home. Which is compounded by our AS son who can't learn to not touch or move pretty much everything. My husband works hard at restoring order to our home, but it seems to be a losing battle, and the level of disorder is stressful for both of us.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


ArtemisHolmes
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 312
Location: Illinois

01 Jan 2012, 8:49 pm

@Thread title: Yes, I am. And it's wonderful. Wonderful enough to make all my problems seem less problematic. In fact, the only times I feel bad are when my other is going through something. Well, that's maybe not the ONLY time I feel bad, but it's the only time I feel exceptionally bad.

"Until the end of me (I swear)
You'll be the death of me"

Song lyrics that, while normally taken as negative, I find fitting. I'm willing to have her be the only thing that causes me pain (Not intentionally) if it means having life be so great in every other moment.


_________________
I think you guys will like my blog. :) http://modestyking.wordpress.com/


null
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

04 Jan 2012, 12:15 am

20 year old Aspie male here. My girlfriend of (almost) 6 months is NT. However, she's not your average NT girl (we seem to find it very easy to relate to each other, and are conscious of each other's needs). I'm very comfortable and very happy with the relationship, and she also feels the same way. I don't feel a need to act any different around her, I can just be myself and know that it's alright. We have many common interests, and I guess you could say that we're fairly alike in many ways. I can't say I've ever related to anyone (NT or otherwise) as much as I have to her.

*shrugs* I guess you've just got to find the right one. :)



Sagroth
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 590
Location: Kansas

04 Jan 2012, 12:32 am

I'm a diagnosed Aspie, but we're not sure about my wife yet. We know at the very least she has BPD and ADHD.


_________________
KWATZ!


GeorgeMac
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 9

04 Jan 2012, 8:15 pm

Yes.... married 16 years to another undiagnosed aspie.

We have a lot of the same executive function issues. The good news is that neither of us is outraged these days by the other forgetting stuff. The bad news is that we both forget important stuff and it never gets done... not good when you're supposedly grown-up with kids and such.

We're a lot more willing to talk things out explicitly than many NTs would be, and a lot less apt to react with anger or hurt or contempt when one or the other of us misses something or messes up. And we don't have to pretend to be normal around each other all that much.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

04 Jan 2012, 8:19 pm

The first girl I fell in love with was an Aspie. We're still friends today but the multiple attempts at relationships were all epic fails.

Today I'm with an awesome girl who's not diagnosed with anything, but she's so weird and socially awkward that I doubt she's NT. Either way, she's fantastic.