Fear of talking with females

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I don't know if it is proper to post it here.
I have a problem called "gynodenial"
It is so bizaare that I have to coin a term to describe it.
Gynodenial means a man denies the very existence of girls in public while know that they actually exist.
I have been a gynodenialist since two years ago.
I do want a girlfriend because I try to resist girls but I could not.
I could not have one because I never talk with females in my college even I actually love some.
I am very love-shy.
I couldn't remember the last time I talked with a girl,maybe several monthes ago I had to borrow something I haven't from one of them...
I fell in love with a girl in my class one year ago,but I never told her and she doesn't know.
One day I were having breakfast in school cafeteria before going to take an exam and happened to meet her also having breakfast.
I didn't sit near her,I only greet her "good luck",which she might think as usual.
Actually I do greet many men "good luck" before exams,but I never greet any girl "good luck"
I did because I fell in love with her,what she never knows.
I didn't talk to her after that because she became my best friend's girlfriend several weeks later...
That is my only "romantic" experience in college.
I do not want to remain celibacy throughout my life because I need a girl to "normalize" me and prevent me from entering psychiatric hospitals because I might not only have Asperger.I might have other diseases.
I don't want to be a mad engineer and then be admitted to psycho.

To me it just sounds like you have typical Asperger's, and you're fear of rejection (which you think will happen because of AS) prevents you from talking to them.
As for denying their existence, seems you are pretending girls don't exist so you don't have a problem.

I'll post back later when I can find some better advice for you, but at least make the effort to go and say hi to one of them, because you never know unless you try

I find it really hard to talk to girls/females, i tend to shout out my feelins such as
if she has a nice bum, ill just tell her that her arse is awesome, it gets me into trouble but i just seem to no be able to control it

No offence but maybe you should try viewing females as people, as someone like yourself.
It is just I see so often men describing women as if they were only for 'love' (i.e. sex) and are meant for fixing them, making their life 'better'. And that goes for NTs as well. As if women are some kind of angels, saviours. The truth is - there are more similarities than differences. A lot of women are just waiting to be saved from their own misery. Every one of them comes with a package.
I don't know what it means to love only with one's eyes. In my opinion, love comes from a genuine, mutual connection.
Or maybe you can buy a bride from russia over the internet if the only requirement is not to be alone.

you don't need a girl to normalize your existence, what you need to do is to stop seeing women as another species. we burp, fart, pick our noses just like any guy, and our poop stinks too. we are no better than any man, and no worse either.

as long as you treat us like china dolls and/or enemies, you will probably have extreme difficulty in trying to get into a relationship with us. the only power we have over you is the power that you give us.

there can a slippery slope in a social interaction. if you are so nervous that you cannot relax at when talking to a woman, a situation might degenerate as she picks up your uncertainty. as you become more nervous, so does she.

as for how to get over that, i am not sure. some ideas might be to notice the similarities between men and women and to emphasise those in your mind when you interact with women. you somehow need to think that you are as good and as important as any woman, so when you talk to one of them you don't become intimidated and vulnerable.

There is no easy cure for that but trying to spend time with women without any sexual context might help (but naturally only in case you can come up with some idea how to do that, like some hobby etc.). The problem related to talking about sexual matters is a rather widespread among neurotypicals too, but actually many affairs begin in a way that people simply notice mutually that they like each other (to the extent that it might go beyond friendship). Is it not always necessary to make any crucial move. Of course, internet dating sites may offer an easier way to communicate about sexual matters with women though do not assume that it gives results - it merely slightly increases your chances.

The power is given by men by being sexually more active gender (in a statistical sense) but this cannot be controlled by any individual. He would just lose if he tried to decrease overall demand for women by leaving them alone.

^^^men and women are statistically equal on average in terms of sexual activity.

what i mean by the OP giving women power is that he doesn't maintain any self-confidence around women, so in a sense he is allowing women to have massive control over his opinion of himself. he is placing high expectations on women that they should keep him from going insane, when really his mental health has nothing to do with them. nobody is completely immune from wanting some level of social acceptance, but the OP has put his entire sense of self-worth into the hands of the opposite sex.

Among researchers there is no any doubt that men are sexually more active (which is hardly surprising when taking into account how much more demand there is for female prostitutes, how much more messages girls get at dating sites etc.). You can learn more by reading scientific articles like this one, it quotes lots of studies and has many references:
http://carlsonschool.umn.edu/Assets/71520.pdf



Partly true but because there are more demand for women and they are more often "targets", it is easier for (larger number of) women to have more self-confidence in situations like that (I do not claim that women could not have some other sexual problems that are less frequent among men). Of course also our culture supports the idea that man has to make an initiative.



Partly relevant, but since many (most?) of people have strong sexual drive, sexual experiences are highly important for them (this is naturally reinforced by social attitudes) and thus people with poor chances have this challenge of learning to cope without sexuality. The state of deprivation comes somewhat naturally while learning to live with it is something that one has to usually learn intentionally. This is a significant challenge for many to which society has not trained them and of which many have been never warned about in advance.

Or, you could do the math. Who are these men being sexually active with? Sexually active women, assuming a 1:1 heterosexual encounter. See? I think that may be part of hyperlexian's point.

Rodland, you have to consider it mathematically. men cannot be having sex more often than women unless they are having it with each other. for every time a man has sex with a woman... a woman is having sex with a man. whether or not men desire sex more often is another question entirely, but in terms of consummated sex, men cannot be having more sex than women (it's all about the averages).

you're also misunderstanding what i am talking about. i didn't ever say it was easy for men or for women in terms of confidence and i didn't have any easy answers either. what i am saying is that the OP is allowing his self-sonfidence and self-worth and even mental health to be dependent on the opposite sex. the reasons for that are probably complicated and may be both sociocultural and psychological in nature. but nonetheless the point is that... it's unhealthy and he probably needs to change it if he wants to have a relationship.

aww that's cute

i get too embarrassed to talk to men i find attractive too
but yes, you need to take women off the pedestal you have them on. maybe start off by talking to ones who you aren't 'in love' with. you'll soon find out how human women can be, and start to feel more comfortable around them

I used to have this problem severely, the thing OP that I found to be the most helpful to me is to recognize that the female has the same emotions as you. That she may also be nervous around you and somehow that eases the stress of most situations for me. To know that person is really no different from how you are.

That is the male perspective, imo. It is a very high demand for men, but men are mostly demanding sex, not women! That other 'people' demand is equal. (It's just that men like to complain about it so often and, again, my observation is that they have too high, unreal, almost selfish expectations (as probably females do too).)

I can understand it being hard to talk to a woman, but usually around my own age...but I can easily talk to woman above my age or girls around my age on the internet.

Maybe you should start by talking to girls you know...and then trying to talk to their friends in casual conversation.

Thank God

After conversion to Christianity

I found out that women are human,just like men.
The reason that

God created Eve is not to test Adam's piety

Men and women should be friends.
Thank you...
I am not an ethnic Pole,but Poland is one of my peculiar interests.
I live in an Asian country(Hidden...I call it Dolchavia) whose tradition does not respect women.
Most modern Dolchavian men,at least in my generation,respect women thanks to modernization.
I was born in a family devoid of girls.
I have four male cousins,no females.
I hated girls in my childhood,fearing that they may be a threat to "humanity"(equals to men)
My reasons:
1.I read on a newspaper that Y chromosome might die out soon.
2.Wives control husbands' money and "waste" money in modern Dolchavia.
3.In Dolchavia,girls study better than boys.
4.I thought that charming girls were trying to harm men.(Female fatale,maybe)
For these reasons,I hated girls and thought like that until three years ago.
I accused girls of every evil in the world in my high school.
They thought that I had gone mad and remain unhurt.
Finally I dramatically fell in love with a girl who I hated very much.
I used to accuse her of Black Death,9.11 attack and things like that.
I accused her of conspirating with girls in my junior school against me and "humanity".
I thought that she was an extreme misoandrist.
She shouted at me and made me afraid.
Then I had to apologize to her for fear that she might kill me.
Then in a month,I came to love her...(So strange)
Our relationship maintains for a year and now she is in another city and I haven't seen her for two years.
After that,I no longer hate girls but still am afraid of talking with them.

My thoughts were in accordance with mathematics: There are some men who manage to get sex more easily and thus they are having sex with many women (though usually not at the same time) while the same time there are men who might like to have sex almost everyday but do not get any sex or are several years or decades without (among woman there are relatively more of those who are not seeking or not willing to engage in sex affairs and thus those who are seeking for sex have in practice more power to set criteria - or alternatively they may be more picky but suffer less of their pickiness since there are more possibilities to choose from).