What does this mean...? (after a breakup)

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Me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up yesterday... I'll post a thread later with more details and s**t but yeah... We've been through so much together and even planned on getting married but we broke up Sunday after months of arguing over nonsense... After we broke up I turned myself around and was willing to do anything to get her back and gave her a few days time (well kind of... The first night I kept trying to call and text her to talk to her but she wouldn't...) on today I noticed she blocked me from Facebook so I texted her and asked why... And we started talking and she was saying she didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore and didn't know about being friends... She also is thinking about going out with this guy (one of her brothers friends) who has been talking to her and comforting her since the breakup... She also said she's been happier since we broke up... And we stopped talking... Later I texted her this and this exchange happened.

Me: Are you really happy we broke up...? I can understand being happy to have fresh air and not be in an hurt relationship anymore but is it us being broken up that makes you happy?

Her: Can't you understand when I say I'm happy and don't want to talk?

Me: I'm sorry... I'll leave you alone... But do you hate me...?

Her: I don't hate anyone. I'm incapable of hate.

What does this mean... Does she hate me... Is there no chance for us to get back together ever...? We've had a hard last few months but I love her with everything I have... She is my everything... And she felt the same towards me till the last few weeks were she was saying that she thought we were broken and couldn't be fixed... I just don't want her to hate me... What does this mean exactly, what do you guys think of it...?

Just leave her alone for now. Don't talk to her at all. Take time for yourself and get your head together. She is probably just sour from the breakup and is trying to feel better by rebounding. That's what it seems like anyway. I don't think she hates you. Seriously. You might seem clingy to her, and that is often unappealing. I don't say that to hurt your feelings. I've been through a similar situation and I know how it feels too. Just focus on you and make you the number one priority. If she doesn't see that you love her and are trying to make it work, move on. You deserve better.

My gosh, this mirrors my recent experience to such an extent it's astonishing. And yes, I was the girl who broke it up.

She does not hate you. She just felt that the two of you together was not working. Evidently this was something that she needed, and those kinds of choices are incredibly tough to make — but you should do your best to respect it.

Like kinme said, you need to focus on yourself. Do not be clingy. It's never easy, but it gets better, and you will find someone else it will work with.

Don't go making any false promises. I hate it when people do this.

I don't know that it's a false promise exactly. Clearly he had a good relationship for a long time (pretty amazing from that age!), and he's also a good person from what I can tell. He's young, too. The odds are in his favour.

If it makes it any better, then I'll say: given time and a bit of work, chances are good you'll find someone else, and it will work. I don't see any reason to doubt that.

Lots of people die alone regardless. There aren't any guarantees no matter what you do. Why try to fool someone like this?

I disagree so very, very much.

I'm not saying everyone gets a happy soul-mate-and-flower-petals kind of ending. Nor that the next person he dates will be someone he's with forever.

Xenu has been in a long lasting relationship with someone already. She was not the only person in the world he's capable of having that connection with, and she is not the last one he will meet.

So I sent here a long little letter basically telling her that I wish the best for her and would like to be friends when and if she is ready or wants to be in a really sweet and mature way. And she responded

"I don't know if m ready to be friends yet :/ you have to give me time".

I don't know if I'll be able to get her back but I hope this means I'll at least be able to be in her life...

Thanks for this (and your other posts)... I'll try not to be so clingy... I have a big issue with that lol...

she isnt interested in you at all. the fact that she has to 'think about being friends' means she would prefer to not be, and that the only reason she would even consider it is because you keep bringing it up.

instead of dwelling on someone who is not interested in you, look for a new girl. you will gain absolutely nothing from dredging thru the muddy waters of 'do you like me now? do you like me now? can i be the one for you now? what about now? what if i colored my hair?, etc. etc.'

it is 100000% pointless to pursue people who are not interested in you. just move on. it will suck for a while, but eventually you'll get over it. for me it takes about a few weeks to get over a girl i was interested in, when im turned down. trust me, im talking from experience. i wasted sooo much of my life dwelling on trying to be with girls who realistically i wasnt going to end up with. dont make the same mistakes that i did, and MOVE ON.

Don't waste so much of your effort trying to be in someone's life when they don't want you there.

It may seem like she's being wishywashy but it reads to me like she's trying to be as polite as possible while performing a complete you-ectomy. It can be really hard for women to strike a balance between being assertive enough to get what we want without being so assertive we get labeled a b**** or worse.

Your time and effort would probably do you more good working towards social bonds with people who want to be around you.

See the thing is I know she still has feelings for me. When we first broke up on Sunday I had asked if she still had feelings for me and she said "It doesn't matter because you will never be the man I fell in love with again" and now with the last post I posted (the one right before yours) she said she'd be friends if I gave her some time. That means if I give her time and we become friends again I can show her that I have changed and am good again and she will love me again... Does anyone else think so...? And I mean we were together for 2 years... She has to still have some level of attachment...

No worries mate. You're always welcome to PM me if you ever need someone to listen to you/lend a hand, too.



Holy crapsicles. I kid you not when I say that this is my story almost to a T.

This is actually bizarre!

So, first of all: no. At the risk of sounding harsh, no. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you absolutely should not hold onto that. You might become friends again; you also might not. And if you do become friends again there is absolutely no guarantee she will want to get back together. And if she gets the sense from you that you are still hoping that things will go back to how they were, she might try to distance herself further. She will not want to risk stringing you along, and prevent you from moving on.

Because, and this is key, that is what you have to focus on. Moving on. It's hard right now, and it can't not be — you've just emerged from a long-term relationship with someone that you loved, and that is hell. I know that. And it might even seem that without her you won't find that same level of happiness. This is absolutely not true.

Everyone goes through a tough breakup at some point in their lives. We mourn, we learn, we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and keep on walking toward that horizon. Don't let yourself hold onto this more than you should, Xenu. There's more to life than this.

Hey Xenu, I want to help you and you're probably not going to listen. I've been in your shoes and I didn't want to listen to my friends either. Right now you're spending every waking moment trying to scheme ways to get her back. She has told you that she wants to be left alone. Why are you not following her wishes? The only way you're getting back with her is on her terms. You can't manipulate the results by thinking "if I stay in the picture, she'll slowly change her mind because it was 2 years."

The best chance you have at getting back with her is when she has respect for you again. Right now you're a broken crying, begging, pleading individual. Who wants to get back into a relationship with that kind of person?

You know how I got over my girlfriend? I put everything that reminded me of her in a box and then I proceeded to deleted her phone number and wrote it down on a piece of paper -- that also went inside the box. Take her off your facebook friends list. If she asks why, tell her that you want to get over her -- she'll understand. A couple months down the line when you head is a little more clear, you can make the decision to toss the box. Last, you'll need a support group or a friend that will make a pact with you that you can call them at any time if you're about to melt down and feel lonely.

Last edited by CJame on 20 Apr 2012, 1:04 am, edited 2 times in total.

Disregard her, cut all contact, join a sports club, do something positive with your life and don't care if she finds out or not. She wants you to come crawling back, she wants you to beg for her affection, she wants you to be at her mercy. It sounds like she is holding the cards and determining the dynamics, you need to change that.

It will be tough to do what I just wrote above but you have got to do it and it will be healthier for you also.

If she is already considering dating someone else after breaking up with you a few days ago then she is a b***h. You're better off without her.

Without sounding cruel, it sounds like shes wanted out for some time, it wouldn't surprise me if she cheated on you as well. Most people would want some alone time just after getting out a 2 year relationship, not start thinking about going out with others straight away, somethings not right there.

Thanks for the help guys but I feel there is a bit more to this that I don't really know how to explain... Like mixed signals and s**t I don't know how to explain through text... Also I don't think she was cheating on me because she's insanely against cheating, I also think that the guy may just be a rebound for 2 reasons. 1. She has a fear of being alone and 2. The guy is a massive stoner and the type who brags about his marijuana use which is odd as that is something she absolutely hated... She hated weed, and hated when people would brag about it...