what does love as in romantic mean to you?

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i was wondering what other aspie think bout love.

It is always hard to keep friends for me but having a boyfriend is easier in the sens of i dont feel that it takes me too much effort to keep going a love relationship compared to friendship.

i think its the part of intimacy, the profound one, that helps me keep on going with having a lover.

what your thoughts?

Yes I would like a relationship like that and will not lie I want the intimacy and sexual activity which is part of and not the whole reason but it just doesnt seem to be obtainable for me-I just do not know how and being older its really rough as I was diagnosed two years ago not knowing why I had so much difficulty making friends and meeting people-which is a starting point in any relationship.

I don't bother with standard 'romantic' relationships any more

I've been in relationships where the person loved me and I hurt them a lot as although I loved them too I ended up going with other people as I wasn't getting all I needed from the relationship

So now I have a person for long term companionship and a person for sex

This works better.

Previously I told the person I have sex with that I loved them and gave myself a lot of pain as it isn't reciprocated so it works out better to just enjoy their company when I see them and keep deep feelings in their place.

Not ideal but life never is. I'd rather have the chance to be close to a person I want/have feelings for than not though.

I'd agree that I find relationship type interactions far easier to find and maintain than friendships

I see relationships as basically friendships you have to pay for with sex - that seems to be the brutal truth of the matter!

i have tried polyamory, which worked out for me for 3 years but then I met my boyfriend and it just didnt seem right to keep on going with that with him. Although he had been into open relationship before. but who knows, maybe one day we will need to be open again.

@Radiopxr: i hear what you are saying. Its hard to get that diagnosis cos you cant learn how to manage who you are as fast. you go through a lot of s**t in order to figure out what you should do etc. but i think its manageable although it will take more time than if you were working on this young.

i believe its possible to get where you want if you believe in yourself and your strength

@nessa: well it if works that way for you its really cool. I did have break hearts of people too but then again, people have had break mine too. but i keep on believing that true love exist and when you will meet this person, everything in your world will change. like it did for me.

I think people are sold a myth via fairy tales and adverts on TV and films so that they think they're meant to find the 'love of their life'

It's all completely random though and no one is 'entitled' to anything - it just might happen and it might not and even if it does people can easily end up going off with another person even if they loved the original person.

So it's not realistic to look for the ultimate person in my opinion as you might spend a long time looking when you could be having a good time with someone who isn't perfect but is good enough.

They are sold a myth.

Why should a guy bother with all of the annoying crap of a "relationship" for 23 hours just to get an hour of sex?

it can be the same for women

I hate all the gooey romantic stuff - it's often very false

Romantic love for me means actually just wanting to see a person. Alas nobody wants that of me so I guess I just put up with my man occassionly coming to see me when i finally beg him enough...once every month or so. I wouldn't mind a little romance. Buying me flowers and chocolates or whatever wouldn't go down well, but a cuddle and a kiss and saying how i am missed or even "i love you" would be very welcome.

For me, this is a valid viewpoint if you don't really feel very much for the person in question. I would also go with this if I felt like this. I think you have to feel like the person is really special before I will dedicate any romantic time or feeling to them. I also like any romantic gestures to be genuine and not forced or false as that takes the magic out of them. People should have their own ideals about their 'fairytale' relationship and not listen to the crap that's forced on you from childhood about what you should look for or aspire to. And this is assuming you want a relationship at all...



I have known a few people who have been/still are polyamorous. I personally wouldn't do it as to me this is infidelity and is not for me, but hey if it works for others and no-one gets hurt, then who am I to judge? When it comes to happiness everyone is different

Personally, I like to be in a loving relationship with one person. I am currently in a serious relationship (we are engaged to be married and are looking into buying a house together) and I am very happy with him. I have had a series of failed relationships owing mainly to the fact that we have drifted apart and no longer wanted the same things from each other. I have once been cheated on and since then I have always been a bit more cautious when entering relationships. I like to become friends with them first to get some idea of what they are like. I have found this to be useful at times. As an example, I liked this one particular guy a few years ago and decided I'd like to get to know him better. I learned that he had cheated on two of his girlfriends in past and that to this day, none of them know about it. I decided to take this no further and we are still friends to this day.

I feel a lot for the person I see and have been known to quote poetry to them but if they just say it's nice but aren't reciprocating there's no point in it. A lot of romantic sentiment is very generic and I don't relate to it and it doesn't work when spoken aloud either. I prefer to think it to myself rather than express it the other person as they would never understand or appreciate it properly anyway. It's safer to keep it to yourself from my experience.

I do not like having society's 'take' on relationships or love foisted upon me; it's all hearts, chocolates and flowers which is pretty meaningless and totally unoriginal. I prefer to find poems that speak directly to me about how I feel and find examples of literary figures who have gone through and expressed heartache in prose or poetry - that is the most meaningful to me but as most people aren't very well read they aren't going to appreciate it so it's a private thing.

I do not see marriage as some kind of 'ultimate' bond with more deep meaning than other types of relationship. People who marry are just conforming to societal expectations which is the very opposite of romantic in my opinion.

I don't know how old you are, but I can relate. I'm almost 30, and I just figured it out this year. I feel the same way. I struggle with the most fundamental of social interactions and can't seem to get past the initial hurdles toward building a lasting, healthy relationship.

The only thing we can do is stay positive and do whatever it takes to keep hope alive. We have to use everything we can to feed it. If we give up, we lose. We will miss any opportunities that come our way, because we won't take them.

I need someone to push me forward, and so do you. So let's do this: tomorrow, hold eye contact with the first woman (you're attracted to) you see for one second longer than you would have yesterday. Then we are one step closer to conveying interest. One step closer to initiating a conversation, and one step closer to living the lives we want to live.

thats a great talk! thanks

I think love is when your happiness is dependent on another's. It can be very painful if the other person isn't careful with your feelings.

I know that feeling unfortunately.

this is an issue that most people have to work out through life. i mean.. its not cos you are in love that you should remain on your partner to be happy. i have learned it the hard way but i did learn something. and i know i have to be myself happy for what i do with my life. not cos my boyfriend is there for me and sweet and take care of me. its an addition really amazing but not something i should rely on.

This is not love. This is a form of codependency. This is not a healthy relationship.

In a healthy relationship, an individual's happiness is self sustaining. A healthy relationship should be a union of two wholes, who can truly contribute to the relationship. Not two halves, looking to make each other whole, who can only take to make themselves complete.