Im in love with someone who has Aspergers

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Hi all....

I'm new to the forum, allow me to introduce myself! i'm caramel! I've really fallen for a man in the past few weeks that has Aspergers and i'm pretty sure he likes me too... I've been looking through the articles section and i've actually just found out that i've been going about it all wrong...and I really don't want to ruin things or make them worse than I already have...

We connect wonderfully when we talk- I find that I can't stop looking at him or thinking about him and I notice that when he looks at me he smiles and he's just the most beautiful person to me inside and out from what I know. I'm certainly not looking for someone to have a fling with- i'm looking for something lasting and i'm not entirely sure how to go about things, without ruining them by the approaches i've taken with men in the past that might be off-putting... any advice would be greatly appreciated!

C

Welcome to WP caramel. Hope you like it here.

I hope you work it out with the bloke and that you become happy together.

I like it already! Feels very warm and welcoming! Awww thank you for such a sweet comment back... I hope we do too if I haven't already scared him away by acting like a clueless idiot...

Don't worry so much. If it is to be, it will come to pass.

you're very wise...I entirely agree with that....

There are two important things you need to know, one he probably doesn't know why you're looking at him, and two he probably hasn't had many Girlfriends, if any, but you did say you'd looked at some of the Articles so you probably already know this right? Other than that I'm not sure, I'm just going on my own experiences.

Hmmm.... you're probably right! I try to smile when I look so I don't look crazy or like i'm staring at him as if theres something wrong with him.... I'm thinking he probably hasn't had many girlfriends though, honestly, i'm in my early 20's and have only had one boyfriend... thats probably not helping the situation because I wasn't even sure how to approach him before I even found out he had Aspergers! Those articles on this site (that and staying up all night for the past two nights on the computer reading everything I possibly could) really help! I'm happy they are on this site!

In your experience, do you think maybe if I took the straightforward approach and asked him out that it would be better (more effective) than trying to flirt with him and talk to him, in hopes, that he asks me out? By the way Deus, thank you very much for your reply! I certainly appreciate it!

It depends on the person, I haven't ever been asked out on a date and have never had a Girlfriend, but I do have alot of female friends and I think I would be more comfortable going out with them, but I think you should try asking him out.

You shouldn't lose sleep on it though.

Well, it depends on how "strong" his Asperger symptoms are. Some have severe symptoms and don't understand nonverbal communication such as body language. Some fail to understand flirting. Try to evaluate him and get to know him a bit before you start flirting with him. He might be one of those who don't understand flirting and might need a more direct approach.
However, as long as you show him that you're fond of him and that you want more than just a friendship or a fling, I think he will get it.

I wish both you and him the best of luck! Love is a wonderfull thing that even us isolated aspies need.

I say go for it

I'm strongly considering just asking... I guess whats the worse that he can say- no, right? I have been trying to make a friendly connection before I jump too far ahead and ask him out....I just dont want to freak him out by coming on too strong....lol i am losing sleep! Sighhhh.... but he's worth it!

Well he did seem happy for me to intiate a hug and was smiling a lot and then when I saw him thereafter he kept smiling at me....
We've had a 15-20 minute conversation a week ago which was pretty incredible... and during that time I told him that I liked talking to him and wanted to continue the conversation...

Ohhhh all that you're saying is very, very helpful! Its really giving me some direction so far as what I want to do...I'm definitely trying to show him that i'm not just trying to be "nice" lol maybe being more direct would be better and less confusing... I guess I am kind of nervous of being rejected or him accepting even if he really doesn't want to go. I want him to go out with me of his own free will....Awww thank you for the well wishes, Revenant! Its wonderful how he makes me feel when i'm not even talking to him so much, but seeing him brightens my day....Thank you Again!! !

Just try it. A lot of people with AS simply won't understand otherwise. And it's the simplest way. When you've done it, come back and share the (hopefully) good news. Many AS people here (me included) wish there were more women as accepting and accomodating as your fine self.

Now, stop worrying and go and ask him. If he likes you, he should say yes if he has anything about him.

I knew I was forgeting something. :/

try this:
im an aspie male and did not until recently know how to court a woman........he may like you and not how to show it, but will respond well to slight signals like you holding his hand, or kissing him or in general making the moves...dont be offended if he doesnt, if he was anything like me he had no clue, so if the feelings there sand mutual, you may need to take the initiative in the start until he feels comfortable with this, aspies can be gentlemen as we havent been taught the nuances of dating. hope this helps.

My boyfriend has asperger's but I do too so...

It is really wonderful that you are going about this so deliberately - I wish you all the best. I would say be kind, and patient, direct and honest. Invite him to join you in something you have reason to believe he will like, so he won't say no and have you end-up thinking it's because of you!
Did he tell you that he has Asperger's?