are there true single aspie women

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well, to be honest I swear that every single aspie women out there has a boyfriend/husband or has been in a relationship with a man.
I never ever meet or know of a ''true'' single aspie women. Meaning a women that is over 25 years and has never dated, and not because she doesn't want to. because she just can't related with men at all. And Im not counting women who can be in short term relationship, because there are alot of women that can get a date but the dates never last more than a month.
Because I have read so many stories on this forum and other similar forum where there is some women who has horrible social skills,very nervous around men and don't like going out and doing stuff and yet someone by the grace of god, they have a boyfriend.
Perhaps I just have a bias sample size, maybe single aspie women just keep to themselves and single aspie men are more likely to complain about it.
if there are true single aspie women over 25 year old on this board, why do you think no man will even go out with you?

I don't get out enough to meet anyone, which is purely my own fault.

when doing a witch hunt dont expect theyll come crawling out of the woodwork for you

Exactly.



They don't post about it, and if they do - they don't post about it in this section - maybe in the womens section (rarely) or more likely via PM with someone they trust who they think may actually help them. Because they have seen how others in the same position before them in this section have been treated and they want no part in it. Why the hell would many aspie woman come out on here about something like that when they know they are going to get 10-20 pages of being told state such as the following:

"You're only single because you want to be", "if you can't get a boyfriend then you must not be good looking enough", "Lose some weight and then you will deserve a boyfriend", etc, etc, etc
(All of those quotes are statements seriously posted on here I have seen, but paraphrased).

Last edited by Kjas on 16 Nov 2012, 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not aspie (HFA), but I am 28 and never had a relationship of any kind before.

The man is asking a genuine question and you're accusing him of launching a witch hunt. This is supposed to be a support group, but of course, this is a "no-no" question and isn't supposed to be asked. Taboo, social faux pas. And the women here who may fit the description aren't bold enough to be honest.

I find this behavior bad enough among NTs, but here of all places? I've become dismayed by most of the self-proclaimed Aspies.

i was going to explain it to you. but i just cant be bothered. if you dont get it you never will

also, to proclaim our behavior is the oposite of NT and that everything bad is an NT trait is stupid

Your first statement is presumptuous and self-righteous. If there's a communication breakdown between us, then please, feel free to elaborate, I'll hear you out. But if you don't even attempt to explain it to the other person, then of course they won't "get it," so speak your mind or at least get off the high horse.

Also, I never proclaimed our behavior was the opposite of NT. Nor did I say "everything bad" is an "NT trait." I actually will explain myself to you, even if you disagree. What I was saying is that such behavior (condemning others for behaving in a way that may not be socially acceptable, as you did with the OP) is quite common among NTs. I'm used to it with them. When self-proclaimed aspies behave in the same fashion, it's even more disheartening, because you should be above that. I hold you to a higher standard.

And yet, you've misunderstood me, put me down for it, and put an incorrect spin on what I've said.

Why is it relevant whether a woman has had boyfriends in the past?

I agree. For some reason if you admit that you've got problems interacting with the opposite sex you get ridiculed or made to feel as though you're inadequate. Sensory problems are fine, special interests are cool, but have issues dating and you're a loser. Most people on this site have Aspergers or Autism which is defined by social awkwardness or obliviousness, so why is such a stigma attached to having the same issues when it comes to dating.

WP is great. I understand that Aspies can sometimes by blunt or hurt someones feelings by being honest or not realise that they have. I'm guilty of it myself sometimes. But I've seen the threads like the one Kjas described. So when you're already shy or private or sensitive, why would you open yourself up to comments like the ones mentioned in the quoted section. It isn't supportive or encouraging or helpful, so it seems to me that putting yourself out there and asking for advice is pointless. I've had more than enough negative comments in my life, I don't need to get them from a forum which is supposed to be above such nonsense.

Ok, I'll explain that one to you to the best if my knowledge.

That kinf of question has been asked before, and women have given their answers and participated as well. But there are a lot of guys around here with the sentiment that women have it easier than men. Maybe they do, I don't know and this is not the place to talk about it. But what's really important is that whenever they talk about relationship problems, imstead of being met with compassion and understanding, those women are usually met with jealously and contempt, because in the mind of such guys "but you're woman, you can get all the men you want but I can't and will never get a woman, so what are you complaining about!". Kjas gave sme good examples of more specific situation. And that underlying feeling, I can sense it in the OP. So it's perfectly understandable why any women knowledgeable of the way L&D works is not keen to share their experiences. You say this is a support group? Well, it's not for women while the number of such guys is high enough, some have even left because of extemely negative reactions to their posts. And that's my explanation for you.

Not sure how relevant this is:

I recently discovered that alot of single women put their status on certain sites as "in relationship" or "living together" - its protection from the one night stand guys, and it looks like your a valuable person as someone already has you.

I was also under the impression that women had it easier than guys, and that they were approached more - thus had more pick of the chaps. I didnt realise this was not the case until fairly recently. It became obvious that most women are approached by horny guys MORE than genuine ones.

Good point, and I'd like to add that it's just a small subset of women that get approached a lot. If you're not good-looking or if you're overweight (or otherwise somehow unacceptable to be seen with), men will approach you on the sly for sex but not for a relationship. If you're AS, you can be at a special disadvantage because you don't recognize that someone is just using you for sex. After a while, you become jaded and assume that everyone is using you, because it's a very hard lesson to learn (telling genuine people from nongenuine ones).

You can end up with a lot of sexual experience but no relationship experience. Some people might say, "So what?" but I can attest that it's so very, very damaging to have that happen to you. It takes a long time to recover and develop a healthy sexual being.

thank you for sharing your experience.

This isn't my post, and I don't really care about the topic at hand. What I find disparaging is the reaction and thought process of some of the people here:

I was asking MHX for an explanation, but okay.



Then where is the place to talk about it? Or anything else? Basically, you're saying it's socially unacceptable to discuss an issue...and this is supposed to be an Aspie forum??



So you're saying there's a socially appropriate and socially inappropriate reaction that should be upheld? In other words, we must abide by a social code instead of discussing things openly and honestly.



Why would anyone, regarding any topic, want the replies to all be sugar-coated or patronizingly positive?? This is how NTs operate. I get it and deal with it in the real world. But you people are all saying: "Oh no, women may be offended. Things might get negative. We can't talk about this, it's not socially acceptable."

Pathetic.

I talked about this specific thread. It can, and has been talked about in other threads. But here, it would derail the topic.




I'm all for discussing things openly and honestly. And politely. But you tell me, are jealously and contempt right? When a woman says "I have x and y relationship issues" being answered by a "at least you have a relationship, we guys never get relationships", that is a way of belittling them, belittling their problems, and offering nothing constructive.



Now you're misunderstanding me. Again, honesty and openness is good, as long as it's constructive. Which it usually isn't. "Lose some weight and then you will deserve a boyfriend". WTF is that?