Is there a line between cruel and "guy talk"?

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I've learned that men like to insult and embarrass their women behind their backs to their male friends, and apparently the fact they have a penis is an okay excuse for them to be cruel and/or expose private things about their significant others. So I was wondering, just how mean does it get before it is seen as unacceptable? Saying your wife has tiny boobs, is gross, is ugly, sucks in bed, telling about embarrassing things that happened while she was sick etc., is that acceptable "guy talk"? I'm assuming it is because men are what they are but I want opinions from you guys.

I don't think it's ever acceptable to talk like this - for men or women. I find that when someone is saying mean things about someonoe it means they are hostile to that person. I wouldn't trust anyone who talked about me like that. And if I felt the need to talk about someone else that way, I'd question why I was in the relationship.

Both men and women do things like this. I just shake my head and get the idea that this person and perhaps the other half is unhappy. Speaking like that is usually a sign of the relationship not going well, and that the person talking crap has a bad attitude and a big mouth. I guess sometimes the other half can drive them to do this as well, by being an absolute drag to be around. I would be more understanding if it were the case, but I would not encourage that sort of talk intentionally.

There absolutely is a line. I would never ever date a guy who did that to me. But the sad thing is, most of the time you don't know that they're doing it.

I would be quite offended and hurt - a private life is private.

If you're still on about this, you need to come to the conclusion that he's not really what you want. He made some stupid and off the cuff remarks to one of his buddies, perhaps it is a sign he doesn't appreciate you, but whining about it on the internet isn't going to help. Either accept that your boyfriend is a member of the species Homo Douchebagus, dump him and move on.. or get over it and simply expect more of the same.

I never once said such a thing about my girlfriend-ney-fiance-ney-ex, my friends never even had any idea that me and her were having sex, let alone any of the details of her anatomy. But you have to admit, this is hardly exclusive to "Guys" either.. I've been around plenty of women who talk about the size of their boyfriends penis behind his back, or his abilities to go down on a girl, behind his back. This is simply human passive aggressiveness and a way to vent it.

Whenever I experience someone talking about their significant other in a less than favorable light, I’m thinking you chose to be with that person didn’t you? You must have some poor judgment since their so bad or boring or whatever.

Well this both is and isn't normal. It may be normal for some people, but it's not normal for all people.

I mean the thing is, this is just a more extreme form of a guy saying his girlfriend is a crappy cook. Or me complaining about a girl wearing to much glitter.

The "more extreme" part is what makes it bother me - when they start saying things about private topics or things they know you'd be embarrassed or know you are already insecure about, that's when it crosses the line for me. Basically, my rule is, don't say anything about me behind my back that you know will upset me. I just want to see what other people's opinions are.

Essentially, when it all comes down to it... al the he says-she says stuff is all drama and battle of the sexes BS. There appears to be no rules what bro talk is and what girl talk is. That is what I know from my experience.

The nasty comments you mentioned don't sound like any man I've ever met. That is not normal, it is not typical guy behaviour. A man who says these things about you does not love you or respect you.

All that matters here is whether or not it is acceptable to you. If your boyfriend does something which you find hurtful or cruel, and you are unable to resolve it in a way which you are satisfied with, then it is unacceptable to you, and you decide what to do next.

It doesn't matter what he or anyone else considers ok, it's your thoughts and feelings which matter.

My boyfriend hasn't said anything besides what I talked about in the "Trouble forgiving one thing - need perspective" thread. I posted the comments here as examples of some s**t I've seen to be taken as normal.