admit it, nt men are just nicer

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billiscool
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19 Jan 2013, 3:11 pm

so today I was reading this topic and what about aspie women and where they meet their partner, and all that.
and many of the women were saying ''their nt bf/husband made the first move and is very loving caring towards them''

us men, both nt and non we can accept you women for being ''different'' we don't care about them things.
but why can't nt women just accept us aspie/autism men. why are they so stubborn. s**t even nt women can't even accept
women with asperger/autism.

today, I am so proud of being a man, that us men are so loving and caring towards women with asperger.
and we don't let ''odd behavior'' prevent us from trying to go out with a woman.

men we love you aspie women, we date you, we care for you, we support you.

just too bad that alot nt women just can't so the same.



billiscool
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19 Jan 2013, 3:29 pm

I guess a better question would be: why don't nt women tolerate us aspie/autism men.
there has to be a reason for it. take me, I can talk to most nt women fine (beside some of the rude
young women I've enouncter) but none ever wants to date me. Maybe because Im just too ''eccentric'' for them, maybe?

but at the same times, you have so many nt men who have no problem dating aspie women and why is that?
are aspie women just very very attractive or are just very sweet and caring ladies.

Im not deny there are not abusive nt men but at the same time there are so many nt men that would climb a mountain and
eat 300 hot dogs and run 40 marathon in a row just to be with a women with asperger
but why aren't nt women doing the same. how come nt women don't want to date men with asperger. why do they refuse to
date men with asperger. (on a higher level of course)

( far as I know, I don't think most aspie women have issue with dating aspie men, it just the nt men are more likely to ask them out)



Last edited by billiscool on 19 Jan 2013, 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

psychegots
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19 Jan 2013, 3:29 pm

The dating-marked is way tougher for straight men, always has been always will be. Got nothing to do with Asperger's and everything to do with parental investment theory.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jan 2013, 3:41 pm

No.

I admit that I notice men are more tolerant toward differences, quirks and lacks.

For example, men in general are more likely to tolerate insecurities in the women they're dating, in most societies, men are simply not allowed to show a glimpse of insecurity or lack of confidence; also men are much more likely to overlook lack of car, income or job than women do.

Why is that though? Simply because men have less choices than women when it comes to choosing a partner, pick any average single man and any average single woman from the crowd and chances are higher that the woman have more suitors in her life than the man does.

You can always notice that like 80% of the young pretty and the average-looking women, when they're in seeking phase, are on dates very frequently, they can sometimes reach to 2 or 3 dates per week (unless she's an extreme monogamous dater who never dates several men respectively) - this never happen to 80% of young men, young men get dates much less frequently.

So the "niceness" of men in that matter is only the result of fewer choices - while the "less-niceness" of women is the result of more availability of choices - therefore none of these "niceness" and "less-niceness" are really about genuine real niceness.

To make things simpler: You're extremely hungry, if you're offered a small bucket of few half-rotten apples then you would have no choice but to pick the least half-rotten apple, you would tolerate the rotten side and eat it anyway. But if you are offered a HUGE bucket of dozens apples, you would naturally leave the half-rotten one and pick the shiniest and the best apple out of it to eat; you won't pick any of the apples with faults.



So men are NOT nicer humans, they just have less choices in general.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 20 Jan 2013, 3:32 am, edited 6 times in total.

MadMonkey
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19 Jan 2013, 3:51 pm

I think this has more to do with modern western society than anything else. We have a sexist, patriarchal society that REQUIRES that men act a certain way. Women are considered less important and less rational which gives them more leeway. The flip side is that men get the benefit of the doubt much more often and wield more political and economic power. Women are often treated like children by their 'nice' NT partners.

In the business world this whole thing is flipped upside down. Women are allowed to act only one way -- perfect. Any deviation from being the perfect women is punished. Honestly I even find myself doing this, even though I wish I wasn't. I just transferred to a new group, and the women all seem to annoy me in various ways that really aren't their fault -- there is the dykey one, the know it all, the 'I need you to pay attention to me' girl, and the loudmouth party girl. The guys aren't any better, but somehow that seems more OK.

The problem for us AS guys is that in a society that requires such strict adherence to absurd archetypes we are screwed because we cannot figure out how to be the man everyone expects us to be.

I really wish that NT women could like me, but I think I just need to accept that they can't, because I can't be the person they were taught they needed to find.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jan 2013, 4:01 pm

MadMonkey wrote:
I think this has more to do with modern western society than anything else. We have a sexist, patriarchal society that REQUIRES that men act a certain way. Women are considered less important and less rational which gives them more leeway. The flip side is that men get the benefit of the doubt much more often and wield more political and economic power. Women are often treated like children by their 'nice' NT partners.

In the business world this whole thing is flipped upside down. Women are allowed to act only one way -- perfect. Any deviation from being the perfect women is punished. Honestly I even find myself doing this, even though I wish I wasn't. I just transferred to a new group, and the women all seem to annoy me in various ways that really aren't their fault -- there is the dykey one, the know it all, the 'I need you to pay attention to me' girl, and the loudmouth party girl. The guys aren't any better, but somehow that seems more OK.

The problem for us AS guys is that in a society that requires such strict adherence to absurd archetypes we are screwed because we cannot figure out how to be the man everyone expects us to be.

I really wish that NT women could like me, but I think I just need to accept that they can't, because I can't be the person they were taught they needed to find.


Good point, patriarchy certainly has a lot to do with this,but the men who who wield all this political and economic power are ...a minority of men.

I can relate to what you said about the business world, never noticed they're treated differently in my workplace but maybe there is elsewhere (.....and maybe because our boss is a lady, not a man).



balletnerd
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19 Jan 2013, 5:13 pm

Quote:
today, I am so proud of being a man, that us men are so loving and caring towards women with asperger.
and we don't let ''odd behavior'' prevent us from trying to go out with a woman.


I certainly find that NT men are more forebearing of my quirks than NT women. Which is why most of my friends are men. I think this is because social nicities and etiquette just seem to matter more to the average woman than they do the average man - both men and women are judged more harshly, on average, by women rather than men for failing to meet standards of social acceptability.

However I do think my oddities have cost me numerous second date opportunities - I think its becuase I dont act conventionally feminine enough for lots of men



Dantac
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19 Jan 2013, 5:47 pm

I simply find women to need/want a guy that will talk their heads off and charm them with talk.

Which is ironic since most guys are just that: talk.

The quiet guy that stands with her, helps her when she's in need, is always nice to her and who makes his feeling for her be known and clear but who cannot small talk for hours on end or have the social charm she needs are ignored and in many cases simply used and discarded. Then, when their charming, conversationalist BF treats them like crap and dumps them they wonder when they will find a guy that treats them right... well duh :roll:



billiscool
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19 Jan 2013, 5:56 pm

I certainly find that NT men are more forebearing of my quirks than NT women. Which is why most of my friends are men./quote]

that cool you can admit that men are nicer to you than women are.
another problem that aspie/autism men face is that some of the women that could understand them
like aspie women and ''eccentric'' nt women are always in a relationship.

so we have aspie,eccentric,add,bipolar,Learning disasble women that would make a very perfect match for many aspie men
but all these women are always getting approach by nt men, and because nt men tolerate them so much, they tend to date
them(nt men). so the aspie/autism men are left alone.

so what happening is that all the ''left over'' single nt women, are the one who are only interesting in dating the ''bad boys''
the ''alpha'' males. these type of women do not want to date an aspie men (because were too different)
but the women who would accept us (aspie men) are already in a relationship or they are always have nt men,asking them out.
and since nt men out number aspie men. they have alot higher chance of dating an ''non-nt women''

take an aspie man and he know another aspie woman. both of them are friends but because the aspie women got approach so much by nt men, and because many nt men tolerate her flaws, she ends up dating an nt man. if she wasn't in a relationship or
always having nt men hitting on her, she would have most likely dated the aspie man.



aspiemike
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19 Jan 2013, 6:22 pm

Noone knows for sure exactly what it is they are looking for. Most women and men can't even find who they really are themselves. As a result of this failure of finding their trueselves, relatonships are destined to fail. This back and forth debate about "Why can't I get this? Why don't women like Aspies?" is futile and useless. The real problem in the world is trying to philosophize what we are supposed to like and what we are not supposed to like. Everyone is unique and different and all I am reading is generalizations on why we can't get girlfriends.



Dillogic
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19 Jan 2013, 7:07 pm

Normal doesn't equal nice

Asperger's doesn't equal nice

Nice equals nice



billiscool
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19 Jan 2013, 7:32 pm

aspiemike wrote:
Noone knows for sure exactly what it is they are looking for. Most women and men can't even find who they really are themselves. As a result of this failure of finding their trueselves, relatonships are destined to fail. This back and forth debate about "Why can't I get this? Why don't women like Aspies?" is futile and useless. The real problem in the world is trying to philosophize what we are supposed to like and what we are not supposed to like. Everyone is unique and different and all I am reading is generalizations on why we can't get girlfriends.


not really that. It more of ''why''. why do so many nt women refuse to date us (aspie/autism men). are we aspie men
just too ''crazy'' for them. I reason I say nt women is because I don't think aspie women have any problem dating aspie men(at least I hope they don't)
but there are so many nt men dating aspie women, there nt men dating shy women, dating add women, dating learning disable women,even very, unpopular women.

are aspie women just better people than us aspie men. are they more attractive. are we aspie men just ''losers''
do nt women think we aspie are going to hurt them. people hate people for a reason, there is always reason.

I do believe that aspie men best chances for dating is most likely with another aspie women, or like add, learning disable,
like I said in previous post they are always taken mostly by an nt man. and the fact that there are less aspie women then men too.

so us aspie men are ''force'' to go after nt women, and they don't want to date us. we just can't win.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jan 2013, 7:38 pm

Quote:
because I don't think aspie women have any problem dating aspie men(at least I hope they don't)


I don't know any aspie girls in real life but if they're like geek girls toward geek guys then......


Image


You didn't read my explanation above - the apple bucket, again.



billiscool
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19 Jan 2013, 9:09 pm

but here something else I just notice. what does shy men,aspie men, social anxiety men, and even ''nervous'' men
have in common. They suck at getting women. boom it just came to me. why women don't want to date any of these men.
Ok, they are...........Lazy.

female laziness is what perventing so many shy men,aspie men,social anxiety from dating.
a an average nt women (not you aspie women, you ladies are cool, well most of you anyways) would rather
date an annoying jerk who has ''good approach skills'' than a shy aspie men who has terrible approach skills.

nt women do not want put in any effort. They want the man to approach. They want the man to know the right way
to approach them. The man just has to know the right things to say.
since aspie men just suck at approaching and aspie men don't know how to say the right thing and fact that
nt women don't even put part in any effort (like approach them, carry on conversation,ask the guy out) many of these men will lose out.

nt women ''hate'' aspie men. because aspie men forces them to put in effort. It force them to approach, it forces them to carry on conversation, and nt women don't want that. an nt women would rather sit and wait for the man to do all the approaching and talking. and that the truth.



Stargazer43
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19 Jan 2013, 10:11 pm

This post has more generalizations than you can shake a stick at!



Kezzstar
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19 Jan 2013, 10:56 pm

LOL at this whole thread.


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