Aspergers and Sex - The Dilemma

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Despite being 32, I can say Ive now engaged into my first meaningful relationship over the last two months, and have developed strong feelings for my other half.

Things have advanced since the early days of dating, we have met each other's families, friends, etc, and she now wants to move things onto the next stage.

With Valentines Day not far away, we are going out to the movies. During that week, she has invited me to stay at her home while it is quiet.

Last night, she intimated that she wants our relationship to turn physical, clearly indicating that intercourse is the next stage of our relationship.

How do I tell her that I am a virgin, without destroying the relationship? She is slightly younger than me, so is assuming ive had experience in that department.

While she knows about my aspergers, I wonder how understanding she will be when I inform her I am untested.

I do love her, but dont want to end this relationship on my lack of sexual experience.

Secondly, for those here with aspergers/autism, how do you deal with sex itself? Does this contradict the feelings of being touched, etc?

It would be interesting to have a mature response to an area which is causing me some concern.

Regards

Lee

As an aspie in a long-term relationship, if you want my help, you are welcome to PM me.

If you've been seeing each other for two months, and it is clear that you are both interested in each other, I don't think she will have a problem with it in the least. You don't have to tell her, but if you do I would suggest having a reason for why you haven't done the deed previously, since she'll more than likely ask. You can just say that you've been waiting for someone special, that you truly cared for, to come along or something like that. And if you don't make a big deal over it, she probably won't either. Heck, she might even enjoy the fact that she's "working with a clean slate" lol. Does she know that this is your first serious relationship? If so she may have even already put 2 and 2 together.

Stargazer - I kinda feel embarrassed to just come out and tell her. However, Im a bit nervous if this disclosure only comes out when we are in the bedroom. Having always had major trust issues, and a lack of friends, opportunities for sex have been nonexistent, so that would be my reasoning for being in this scenario.

On other hand, I think she deserves to know the truth. She may have figured it out herself, however, as a man, Im supposed to "lead" in that situation. How can a virgin lead when it comes to sex?

Especially someone like me who has intimacy issues relating to aspergers?

I never had a girlfriend and even as much as touched a girl until 4 months ago. From my experience, I just put aside my anxiety and just enjoyed the moment. I only told her when we were already in the bedroom and she later told me she was sure I was lying because I was so good and yes, I completely took the lead. She's a likely Autie or Aspie and while much younger has had multiple partners so it wasn't a case of two inexperienced people.

Once I shut my brain off I instinctively knew what to do without even trying. I didn't even watch any porn and I still managed to give her multiple orgasms on the very first try. Go figure that my skills seem to be declining now due to overthinking! If I can do it I'm sure you can too. I could go into details but since they would go beyond the guidelines of the forum it's best if you PM me.

Along with GiantHockeyFan, I had the same deal over the course of the last few months. I didn't think too much about it and just went for it. It only seems to be a problem when you are overthinking. Just go with the moment and it will be enjoyable. I even surprised the last two women I was with, and one needed a day of recovery because I was big. If you think too much, you won't be having fun with it.

To OP do you feel you want to lose your virginity in the near future ?

Sex is unique to each couple, the things you like and you feel comfortable doing.

Sex doesn't have to intercourse, you may feel oral sex works best for you and your partner.


Are you feeling some kind of pressure to have sexual intercourse ?

And... an update?

Any progress?

ASD's tend to be quite animalistic (perverted) when it comes to sex. Just let your inner "Neanderthal" take over.