NLD incompetence/the male version of "ditzy"

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Is this always something I'm going to have to try to hide, or are there certain girls who are actually attracted to the male equivalent of a "blonde."

Given the severity of my disability (54 point gap), NLD makes it hard for me to do many everyday, normal things. Example: not being able to figure out how to open a "child lock" on a car (true story) or getting lost, forgetting things, not being able to open simple packages, or use a computer well, other dumb stuff like this. Before I got diagnosed last fall, I thought I just had bad character, and everyone else just made better choices. lol. Now, thinking about ASD and NLD is kind of a new thing for me, but I don't want to go too far down the path of using it as an excuse for everything.

I feel like I'm always on guard and have to hide stuff like this or some explanation ("I just had blood drawn" or "I'm dehydrated" and then avoid that situation from then on) when it happens from potential friends and dates since NLD is too hard to explain and NLD sounds like a lame excuse.

Would any women actually think this is "cute" if I were more open about it?

I have a driver's license, a car, and drive several times a week, but I really shouldn't be, and I don't feel comfortable driving with passengers since I don't think I'm very safe. I am tired of trying to "be the man" and then blowing up all the sudden like a volcano when the stress gets too much.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 21 Mar 2013, 12:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Howdy from Htown! I think as long as you have a sense of humor about it you could find a girl who likes you just the way you are. My boyfriend is a genius in certain fields but he still calls me for help when he walks a mile in the wrong direction. I have navigation problems too so I can sympathize. We both try to laugh at ourselves, and I'm still unlearning the need to be perfect all the time.

It's not just navigation. I'm pretty much incompetent at nearly everything. Well, not if I focus hard, but when I have a job, I use all my energy to prevent myself from screwing up at work, so then I am pretty much incompetent at everything the rest of the time.

There are things I have done well at on paper, but the rest of the world doesn't know how good I am at manipulating appearances to look good. I spent 3 hours a day for 6 months studying dozens of practice SAT exams I downloaded from the internet in order to get a 1490/1600. Nobody knows that my PSAT was absolutely atrocious at 400 math, 450 verbal, and 520 writing; not only that, I spent a month studying for it. My life is full of examples like this, including my law school career.

The problem is, it's possible to "fake it" on long-term things, but impossible to fake it on spontaneous everyday things. This fact makes me very uncomfortable around people in general. So I wish there was a way I could embrace this in some way, so I wouldn't have to constantly hide it to maintain a "smart" image when I'm actually quite stupid on most things that matter.

The rite ditzy girl would think it's cute & she may like how you guys can relate & that you don't make her feel stupid.

I have the same problem in some ways, mine's a 50 point gap. My main problem s driving. In my case, it's less ditzy-ness and more organizational capacity. I'm actually much more capable than other people usually. I do my own car work, cooking, can usually repair things. So people think I'm really smart and some super genius when I can't do normal things people can do, like drive without getting lost.

Someone suggested "Hey should you be a pilot." I was like "Uh, I can barely drive a car." And he said "I think you sell yourself short!"

It could be cute. How cute it is might depend on how you look, though.

What do you mean?

When I think about a male version of ditzy/blonde it would be something closer to this:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-VW1XZwF80[/youtube]

I can relate to a lot of things you said (but then again, I am blonde so maybe I get things forgiven more easily ), I don't think you should worry too much about what other people think about it; It's common after all with people in the spectrum in general to have genius in other areas and greater difficulties in other, seemingly more simple areas. A girl/woman with enough patience will notice that as well and appreciate your strengths.

It depends on the girl, and frankly, it depends on your attitude toward the things you have trouble doing. People are much more willing to help and understand someone who asks for help in figuring out how to do things he has trouble doing (even if he keeps struggling and even failing), rather than someone who asks someone else to do those things for him because he is convinced he can't do them (no matter how right he may be about that). I see it and hear about it all the time between my mom and my uncles (my mom and one of my uncles probably have ADHD but can pass generally as NT. The other uncle is definitely on the spectrum and was sheltered by my grandparents for most of his life and has similar issues to yours now).

If you're kinda physically cute already, it would be cute. If you look like gollum, not much you can do. Though, that could also be cute in a messed up way.

I think we all suffer from the same problem, it is just the differences that vary.

I can speak a lot of languages, and for me it's quite easy to learn a new one, but I can't carry a cup of tea or coffee, across a room, without spilling it!

I can dance like a professional, and yet when I walk, I bump into things, trip over, or just look weird (if I don't concentrate and focus on the walking alone).

So there is nothing to be ashamed of. We are not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but would we want to, anyway?

My approach is usually to try to hide my difficulties or to avoid situations where they might come up, though I may ask for help or advice if I have to. I never ask anyone to do anything.

Also, I think associating NLD incompetence with being sheltered is complete B.S. I've lived on my own since I was 17 and even sent my parents money at one point.

i have a friend who would find this really cute yeah

That wasn't my intention. It probably came out wrong, though. Sorry about that. I was trying to explain the issues in my family. My uncle was sheltered and usually winds up seeking out my other uncle and my mother to help him do tasks he's convinced he can't do, and my mother and aunt often get frustrated about this. My other uncle, on the other hand, tends to see him as nearly an invalid (which he isn't. He's very smart) and gets frustrated with him for that. All in all, a lot of frustration due to the way my uncle tries to handle his situation. That's all I was getting at. It doesn't sound like you do the same thing, though.

So what are the characteristics of girls who would find this cute? I've found that a lot are just frustrated by it, like my first and third gf.

don't try to "man up"- if it's not you then be who you are, no one likes some one who is trying to be some one their not. and if you did, and got into a relationship, I don't think it would last? unless she is doing it to?
it could take some time, but trust me, there are a lot of women that don't go for that manly thing. I joke about every thing and "manly" is not above me. I make fun of it a lot and the people around me are so used to it I've got them to do it also, it is real funny to see some ones reaction to it, the more people doing it, it will confuse them, almost like their whole reasoning system is breaking down.