For those struggling with showing emotion...

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aspiesandra27
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26 Mar 2013, 7:14 am

How do you overcome this?

When you feel strong emotions towards someone, but have difficulties showing it.

What do you do? What is the most comfortable way you have of letting the other person know, if you can't do it with words?



Cafeaulait
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26 Mar 2013, 9:14 am

It depends on the kind of emotion. If I am angry with that person I tend to be more quiet around them, make littler eyecontact, tone of voice is different, facial expression, etc.
If I really like them I smile a lot, hug them a lot, do things for them, etc

IS this what you meant?



aspiesandra27
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26 Mar 2013, 9:45 am

I was thinking more in terms of when you like someone in a romantic way, but you cannot express it to them.

As a child showing emotions was always hard, I could be bursting with happiness inside, yet you look at some photos and it looks like I am just staring, blank, with no expression. Now I am older, I think I am better, especially after doing my performing arts degree. But it doesn't come naturally to me, unless I am very angry or very happy.

So, I should understand if a guy has trouble showing those emotions to me (if an Aspie), and was just wondering how other Aspies face this challenge.

Thanks for your comment though. It's interesting. :)



CharlieSheen
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26 Mar 2013, 10:20 am

Consider relying more on 'reward' gestures towards him, if you're already friends - if you cant speak your thoughts it may be easier to get his just with little things like small favors and light contact. Dont get carried away but watch his reactions and (loosely) mimic his if you land a hit.

Your results may vary but I get good results even considering I smile like a psycho due to scarring and nerve damage :P



Stargazer43
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26 Mar 2013, 1:10 pm

This is really difficult for me also...I can be as happy and excited as a kid at Christmas and not show any outward signs at all. One thing I try to do is to act really excited and get worked up when I talk to someone or do something with them. I think that if you act excited to see them or spend time with them, then they get the picture. Even if you don't really express it through body language or facial expressions, if you use the proper language to indicate interest and it is clear you are enjoying yourself, then I think that's typically enough for them to get the picture. Use strong, action words rather than their more passive counterparts. And of course, there is always the direct approach of just flat out saying everything you feel, but like you said that takes a lot of nerves sometimes!



aspiesandra27
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26 Mar 2013, 1:14 pm

Stargazer, but you can be like that with any person you like as a friend. How do you differentiate this behaviour when you are interest in the object of your affection?



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26 Mar 2013, 1:58 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
When you feel strong emotions towards someone, but have difficulties showing it.

What do you do? What is the most comfortable way you have of letting the other person know, if you can't do it with words?


Not everyone is a "word" person, and some are better at writing than speaking.

Perhaps a grand gesture of some other kind would be able to convey your message where words won't... but you need to know your audience well for that to be effective!
It's that whole "love languages" thing... if someone feels loved by touch, a warm and lingering embrace is very effective. If they appreciate gifts, make it a grand one! If they appreciate acts of service, do something impossible to not notice.

Hopefully you know the receiver well enough to get it right... A grand gift to a "touch" person will not mean nearly as much!



goldfish21
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26 Mar 2013, 2:55 pm

If I can't do it with verbal words, I tend to use text.

Most of us communicate better in writing than speaking, and I think this is especially true when it comes to verbalizing things like this - too much anxiety. I've crafted some pretty awesome emails, notes, cards, even text messages. To this day I still regularly email/text friends I love & care about w/ "sweet nothings," niceties to say to & about them and/or their family. (very close friends-that-are-like-family-to-me, former/current crushes etc.) Granted, this is only in the romantic context when it's a current crush, which is rare, but the nice thing for me is that I've been able to express in writing, on the phone, and in person, that while I may always have a crush on this person - I know I'll always love them as the friend they are to me, and with them being so.. "feely," it's completely kosher to email and express love & affection as the friends we are. It's pretty awesome, especially since it's accepted and often appreciated - just little positive notes to show my appreciation for them in much more emotional ways than the typical guy stuff, but not in a sexual nature, just genuinely loving caring thoughts. Heck, I'll send a text to someone just to let them know I was just thinking of them and sending my love their (or their kids/family's) way - always positive responses to that, too.

Communication comfort level when it comes to matters of the heart definitely progresses from most to least comfortable like this: Text (email/text msg/note/card etc), phone conversation, in person conversation - and when in person I find it so much easier to do by not positioning myself where I have to talk face to face and make eye contact. Ie if we're both walking/standing/sitting side by side facing the same direction it's just that much easier. Although, if the recipient would prefer the most intimate face-to-face conversation, then I'd just suck it up and do whatever I had to to psyche myself up for being able to say what was on my mind regardless of anxiety/fears/worries etc.

Chances are pretty good that this would also include having a toke before meeting, or with them if they smoke, as I do find marijuana to be an incredible anti-anxietal and much better at enabling me to get into conversations like this than alcohol could ever do.


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uwmonkdm
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26 Mar 2013, 3:08 pm

Take off my pants?

But seriously, I clearly don't know either.



goldfish21
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26 Mar 2013, 3:16 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
Take off my pants?

But seriously, I clearly don't know either.


:lol: Best reply yet. 8)


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BlueMax
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26 Mar 2013, 3:19 pm

Just make sure your boxers have a big heart on 'em, otherwise the message might be missed.

:lol: :lol:



cakey
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26 Mar 2013, 4:10 pm

I am embarrassed to express love emotions and sometimes anger.I usually use text when I can't say something face-to-face and it has always worked for me. I always try to plan and say romantic things, but we are both awkward when it comes to that. If cellphones didn't exist I would probably say what's bothering me by saying it with my back turned towards them.



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26 Mar 2013, 4:50 pm

cakey wrote:
I would probably say what's bothering me by saying it with my back turned towards them.


Oh having your back turned is completely fine, it will give me a better view of your butt.

Haha but seriously, I think it's just better to say romantic things as if you are reciting a script or literature, it takes the pressure away from it.



aspiesandra27
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26 Mar 2013, 6:26 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
Take off my pants?

But seriously, I clearly don't know either.


Lol. It's a way nonetheless. :wink:



uwmonkdm
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26 Mar 2013, 9:22 pm

aspiesandra27 wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
Take off my pants?

But seriously, I clearly don't know either.


Lol. It's a way nonetheless. :wink:


Yea, it is... but when it's the only way you understand, not a good thing.



goldfish21
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27 Mar 2013, 3:00 am

Grrr, was a bit frustrated with myself tonight as after reading this thread earlier I had planned to say something a little more emotionally charged, but ended up just saying thank you - which is fine, there was no social faux pas or anything, and the way I said thank you certainly delivers a more emotional message than just the plain words, but still, I froze/chickened out even though it's not even really a romantically charged thing I wanted to say. I still "couldn't," and delivered my standby "thank you," instead. At least this person knows why I thank them and knows it's deeper than mere surface words, so that's good, but I'm still a little frustrated that I wasn't able to be a little more emotionally open with my choice of words as I wanted to be. Ah well, maybe next time I'll try again. :)


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