Please Help Me Understand--Question About Facial Expression

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I started seeing this guy that I really like, and think that he may have AS. I'm fairly positive of this due to several character and behavior traits. The one thing that I need help with, though, is his expression when he's expressing that he doesn't like something. For example, I left the door unlocked to his apartment while I was there and he wasn't, and when he came back the first thing he said was, "you really can't leave that door unlocked," and he had this expression on his face like I had just killed his puppy or something. Both the expression and the kind of stern tone in his voice seemed really over the top. I apologized and we seemed to move on. Later I brought it up and said the door hadn't been unlocked for long, and he said, "it's really for your own protection." Again, with kind of a stern tone in his voice. I'm not sure how to interpret this, or if I should bring it up with him. Should I just assume he's not aware of how kind of cruel he is coming off? Is this indicative of AS? Any pointers on how to deal with it?

No I don't think that is an indication of AS. I think people with AS lack facial expression.

In general does he lack facial expression or is he very expressive?
Does he seem a little bit stoned or ridgid?

In general he lacks facial expression. This expression is like his normal expression, but more stern, like he's concentrating really hard or something.

Sounds like he could be with the facial expression.

The locked door could be a routine you broke. Maybe he had a break in or he was attacked in the past.
I dunno.

I'm no expert at this. Other posters maybe will have a better idea.

I know quite a few people who lock their doors even when they are home.

I am Aspie, and most of my life I have been told that my face is either unreadable or stern, and that I sound angry or scolding even when I don't mean to do so. There is a chance that this guy was simply telling you exactly what he said, and that this was a routine for him and that it was also for your safety. As an Aspie, I can come across very "black and white" meaning that I can get upset when people break rules, like running red lights or parking in no parking zones or leaving doors unlocked. I don't think you should take it personally; it could just be his way. A lot of NTs have mistaken my neutral tone and facial expression for all sorts of negative things just because of the lack of expression or a slight frown (which in my case is always there because I have bad eyesight.)

Thanks so much for the input and feedback everyone. It's very helpful. I hadn't considered that rule breaking could have been at play here. It definitely helps me understand the situation better. I was leaning towards just going with him not understanding how sternly he was coming across, and also trying to interpret his words very literally at the surface level, not thinking he's implying or meaning more than he's saying. It's an adjustment for me. I'm a fairly emotional person who can be sensitive, so it's good for me to get out of my comfort zone and try to understand different forms of communication better, but also challenging sometimes. My preference would be if we could meet in the middle some way, but if his brain just isn't wired for that, then it's not wired for that. I'm sure he's spent plenty of time trying to adjust to other people's behaviors, and since I haven't really had to do this in my life, I guess it's time for me to try. Thanks again everyone. If anyone else has anymore input or ideas, please post, I'd love to read!

"Nobody seems to be considering that his attitude might be justified, depending on his neighborhood. Years ago I lived in a densely populated area where you couldn't leave an entry door unlocked even for two minutes without some "opportunistic" stranger trying to come in."


Totally, I hear you. I don't have a sense of just how dangerous his neighborhood is, and even if I did, we all have various levels of comfort in various situations. So, I think he had every right to feel however he felt: mad/frustrated, etc. I am just wondering if I should assume that a) he knows how harshly he is coming off and it's in proportion to how he feels, or b) he's not aware of how harshly he's coming off. And maybe no one but him can answer that question. But, I just thought I'd post here to kind of feel the situation out. I appreciate your perspective, thanks for the response.

I'm another one here who feels he may be justified in simply knowing it's safer to keep the door locked.

To be honest I've never lived anywhere that people didn't stay mindful about locking their doors. You don't even have to live in the worst neighborhood, just in any reasonably dense population.

I don't know anyone who doesn't lock their doors both when at home and when not. It's just common sense, unless you live in a truly rural or smalltown situation where everyone knows each other. Even then, that kind of situation is getting rarer in our world.

I've lived in two major cities, and in both, if you had been in my apartment with the door unlocked I would have had a shocked and stern look on my face too. Home invasions, burglary, things happen. I'm now in a building where we are regularly warned to keep our doors locked because strangers come in actually testing doors. And I live in a generally wonderful neighborhood!

Opportunistic crime is everywhere and you don't have to be AS to be aware of the dangers or concerned about an unlocked door, sadly.

He might have AS . I have often been told I look really stern or mean.

Some people have odd routines and they are very protective about them.

My house has two doors(fence/door), what one family member interprets as safe others interpret as foolish/whatever and this can change any minute(someone is feeling a bit hot so they open the second door, someone else comes in queueing a lecture about how unsafe it is) .

Roles get reversed repeatedly throughout the day

You cant see wether the second door is open from the fence so it is a bit silly, we still argue about it repeatedly through the day

I would be mad if someone left my door unlocked but maybe a little less mad if someone was there. Actually that would never happen to me because I won't let anyone in my house unless I'm there. I've had so called "friends" steal from me before.

The doors to my house are always locked and I'm kind of mad that my neighbor sometimes leaves the outside doors unlocked.

I had a friend that left her doors unlocked when she was home and then complained about people just walking in without knocking. I told her to lock it, then they have to knock.