Ok online dating is really starting to be a problem for me

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Joined: 22 Jun 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 495

29 Jun 2013, 8:06 pm

Well, it seems that dating sites are a waste of time at least it seems so. I keep trying different approaches and I get very little results. I mean I have tried the whole "comment on their profile, ask a few questions" thing and it seems to net responses about 5% of the time. I mean my grammar is great no computer-speak at all. I never say "hey baby let's talk" because I would never say something like that because that is too tacky and boorish. Not my style.

I am like wracking my brain. I have changed my profile a bunch of times. I mean even the unattractive women do not seem to talk to me. I mean I am not being picky at all.

Plus you never know who these people are on here. There are so many scammers on these sites and fake profiles that there is no way to know if any of these are "real" interested people. Then you got the ones who have no intention of meeting you and only want to want to be an online buddy. Oh then there are the ones who answer questions and have the personality of a cadrboard box. Seriously, you have to completely lead the conversation.

I am currently on Okcupid and honestly I want to go back to Eharmony since I got way more responses out of it but I really do not have the money to pay for that and Okcupid is free. But then again free sites probably have more fakes and weirdos on it then anywhere else.

free online dating = frustrating experience.

Any advice? Do I need to just keep sending a few messages a day to different women? Also, Maybe my profile is too long? Maybe my style is scaring them off? I mean I am into the whole punk and goth thing. Maybe I need to just put a picture of me in just normal clothes. I'm sorry but my style is the way I am and I feel that I want to attract certain types. I am looking for someone who is into the same style as me.

1000Knives
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29 Jun 2013, 8:21 pm

Probably better to just go outside.

http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/te ... trial/1405

Or get visible abdominal muscles, huge biceps, or a newer sports car to post pictures of.

MR_BOGAN
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29 Jun 2013, 8:41 pm

Just be yourself, message women you are interested in. If you have no luck then that is to bad. But try your luck you never know.

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punkguy378
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29 Jun 2013, 8:47 pm

1000Knives wrote:

Probably better to just go outside.

http://www.zdnet.com/blog/violetblue/te ... trial/1405

Or get visible abdominal muscles, huge biceps, or a newer sports car to post pictures of.

Yeah I hear you. I just at this point have no place to go. I used to go to punk shows but with all the noise I cannot hear myself think plus I don't drink anymore so that pretty much cancels out the bar scene. There is this cool goth club I could go to. Fit right in but going alone kind of scares me. I would probably stand there like an idiot. haha. I mean I am physically attractive. I know because everyone I know thinks so. I mean not Brad Pitt or something a little above average. And I am not just saying that. The last girl I was trying to date online thought I was hot and she had a thing for skinny guys like me (also my punk/goth style helps she was turned on by that). I have come to realize that physical appearance is not enough to get a women really into you.

The next step is when I get my job in the video game industry. The problem there is it is mostly men and very few women in that field. It is like 90% men! and 10% women. So meeting women at work would take luck because if their are only 3 women the chance that any would be interested. It is like winning the million dollar lottery. They may have friends though.

I need to find an aspie group but there is only one or something and they do not meet in the summer at all.

Seriously my next step is try dating "aspies".

Honestly I think some women think I am weird because I am at least in how I dress. I am not interested in anyone who wants to change me or is judgmenatal about alternative styles. So I guess that limits the amount of people interested. And having AS is just another thing that decreases my chances.

punkguy378
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29 Jun 2013, 8:50 pm

MR_BOGAN wrote:

Just be yourself, message women you are interested in. If you have no luck then that is to bad. But try your luck you never know.

You are right. There are plenty of women out there. I have seen hundreds of matches in Okcupid it would take me months to go through all those. I am actually want to try to filter it a little so I get the ones that I may be more attracted to. I feel like I am just sending messages to any woman who is a potential match.

Plus it takes a lot of time to read the profiles so when you send a message it is personalized. The personalizing messages instead of a template takes some time. But I think this is worth the effort. I mean most women probably delete the boorish ones or sexual inuendo ones since they get 10 of those a day or something. Even the ones that are like hi I would like to chat probably get put in the trash.

MR_BOGAN
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29 Jun 2013, 9:04 pm

punkguy378 wrote:

[

Plus it takes a lot of time to read the profiles so when you send a message it is personalized. The personalizing messages instead of a template takes some time. But I think this is worth the effort. I mean most women probably delete the boorish ones or sexual inuendo ones since they get 10 of those a day or something. Even the ones that are like hi I would like to chat probably get put in the trash.

yeah I agree.

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mrmerpa85
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29 Jun 2013, 9:44 pm

I havnt had any luck on OKCupid either. Its hard going on a date after messaging someone back and forth. It just doesnt seem to translate as well or they dont really seem how they describe there personality on there profile.

I personally think the internet has complicated alot of things when it comes to dating. Yet, I still do it :lol: :lol:

The_Illusive_Man
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30 Jun 2013, 5:31 pm

same problem here, my sister seems to think a girlfriend will help me, i know one person isnt going to stroll into my life and fix all my problems, but after months of nagging i joined match.com and plentyoffish
got a few profile pics( you cannot comprehend how much i hate getting pictures taken let alone putting my mug on the internet) had my sister help me think of a few ways to introduce myself in messages to girls id like to get to know.

Three weeks later , hundreds of messages sent and not one person has even viewed my profile, let alone taken an interest in getting to know me. I mean even if someone i wasnt attracted to at all sent me a message I would click on their profile out of curiosity, I dont understand how so many people can write me off without knowing anything about me and only seeing a 1 inch by 1 inch image of me

Ferrus91
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30 Jun 2013, 5:54 pm

The_Illusive_Man wrote:

The think I find odd is that family members have this inexplicable inability to see exactly what puts everyone else off you and thus often make you feel more like s**t with their harmful suggestions and comments.

ForeverAloneVirgin
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30 Jun 2013, 6:06 pm

You may be coming off as an asexual nice guy in your messages. You said you avoid sexual topics and would never do that in your messages yet have tried everything else and changed your profile multiple times. Realize your error. Woman love sex, arguably even more than us men do. You have nothing to lose by trying.

"Then you got the ones who have no intention of meeting you and only want to want to be an online buddy."
No. This is you f*****g up and friendzoning yourself before she even met you. If she only wants online buddies then she wouldn't on a dating site.

"Oh then there are the ones who answer questions and have the personality of a cadrboard box."
You are asking the wrong questions or she simply is not interested in you. Talk about things that get emotions going.

Also you say you dress "punk and goth"... wtf. Seriously? You are 33. More than anything THIS IS YOUR BIGGEST ERROR!!

Last edited by ForeverAloneVirgin on 30 Jun 2013, 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Erlonman
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30 Jun 2013, 6:47 pm

The best that I have gotten from OKCupid was some dates with a girl a little over a year ago (& now she has a boyfriend).

I feel like it is the nature of the game of free online dating, and I often find that a lot of men that use OKC for sex pretty much harass women, poisoning the well a large amount. Perhaps eHarmony may be better because it filters out these "men," but I feel you about being unable to pay for it as a poor college student. I guess the best course of action would be to keep on keeping on, and generally just be yourself on your profile. I know it sounds cliche, but if a woman discovers something about you that she doesn't like later down the road, it can have a pretty negative impact and definitely keep her away.

Jono
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30 Jun 2013, 7:10 pm

punkguy378 wrote:

What have you written in your profile? Maybe it's something about how you're presenting yourself that's putting them off. Also, when you message someone, don't just ask questions about their profile. Look for something on their profile about a common interest and start a conversation about that.

the_grand_autismo
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Joined: 17 Jun 2013
Age: 34
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Posts: 96

30 Jun 2013, 9:24 pm

I'm suspecting it might be mostly a numbers game-- you would be surprised at the number of messages any woman gets on a dating site. They might just be too flooded with messages to pay personal attention to yours unless they are very interested. If you are getting any responses back at all I think you are doing something right.

Ok Cupid has a very interesting blog where they run the stats on what makes you successful, what sorts of messages people get, effectiveness of pictures, racial/sexual orientation stats, and so forth. You might be interested in these ones:

What to say and what not to say in a first message:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/onlin ... t-message/

Optimum message length (with stats on success by gender):
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/how-t ... ng-part-i/

Profile picture hints:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4 ... -pictures/

Profile pictures 2:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont- ... -accident/

thewhitrbbit
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30 Jun 2013, 10:54 pm

From what I've seen, a 5% response rate isn't that bad.

Perhaps you come off a bit cold with perfect grammar. I know some girls say that won't talk to guys with bad grammar, but there is such a thing as too perfect.

Nambo
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01 Jul 2013, 4:58 am

Iam Male, at the moment for instance Iam on a dating site, I didn't complete any profile, all I did was put up a picture of myself, I do not initiate contact with any Females, and I get around 5 or 10 private messages a day.

My secret?
Join a free dating site that you have to pay to contact anybody, I know from when I was on Polish dating that the minute you pay, all the gorgeous Women who wanted contact with you suddenly evaporate.

punkguy378
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01 Jul 2013, 6:51 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:

Interesting. So that comes across as cold? Not sure why someone would think you are cold because you speak correct english. I mean I just write how I normally write. I mean should I spell some words wrong on purpose. lol.

I mean they do not like horrible grammar but good grammar is also bad. What is the in between point. I mean I am kind of an intellectual so unfortunately I am kind of stuck with my writing style. I mean if I tried to be looser it would most likely come across more fake and forced.

My grammar is not exactly perfect anyways. I mean no ones really is. I mean I do not come across as completely proper. Generally my writing is the same as how I speak. Sometimes I try to be funny or sarcastic but seems most people do not get my humor a lot of times.

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