what wrong with no confidence men

Page 1 of 3 [ 48 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

19 Jul 2013, 10:51 pm

so,I keep hearing no confidence men are turn off
for many women but why. what makes them so bad.
why do alot of women refuse to date them, what so
wrong about them,anyways.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,810
Location: Stendec

19 Jul 2013, 10:54 pm

Men who lack confidence are emotional time-wasters.

Also, women seem to generally want their boyfriends and husbands to have enough confidence to stand up for themselves and not cringe and whine whenever criticized.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

19 Jul 2013, 10:58 pm

I have this idea that may sound ridiculous to some people.

Confidence comes from the ability to express yourself freely. Women like it provided you are in control of yourself as well. They don't like a person who can't be honest with themselves and cannot put their best efforts forward. Anything less is probably a lack of confidence.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

19 Jul 2013, 11:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
Men who lack confidence are emotional time-wasters.

Also, women seem to generally want their boyfriends and husbands to have enough confidence to stand up for themselves and not cringe and whine whenever criticized.


In other words, would this mean "don't take the criticisms personally, just listen?"



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,810
Location: Stendec

19 Jul 2013, 11:08 pm

aspiemike wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Men who lack confidence are emotional time-wasters. Also, women seem to generally want their boyfriends and husbands to have enough confidence to stand up for themselves and not cringe and whine whenever criticized.
In other words, would this mean "don't take the criticisms personally, just listen?"

Bingo.

As much as some women may say that they want a man to share his feelings, most seem to want a man to share only their feelings of love, and express themselves through joy, peace, patience and kindness.

Reserving anger for those who have made the women cry, of course.



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

19 Jul 2013, 11:21 pm

Fnord wrote:
As much as some women may say that they want a man to share his feelings, most seem to want a man to share only their feelings of love, and express themselves through joy, peace, patience and kindness.

And yet they are not lesbians :scratch:



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,810
Location: Stendec

19 Jul 2013, 11:26 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
Fnord wrote:
As much as some women may say that they want a man to share his feelings, most seem to want a man to share only their feelings of love, and express themselves through joy, peace, patience and kindness.

And yet they are not lesbians :scratch:

Non Sequitur.

Heterosexual women generally seem to want men who make them feel good to be around. Confident men seem to do that. Men who lack confidence are irritating and tiring ... all of that self-centered whining and complaining probably does it.

Also, it takes confidence to get an education, get a job, earn a decent living, and buy the basic comforts in life - things that men who lack confidence seem to find difficult to do.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

19 Jul 2013, 11:37 pm

Fnord wrote:

Also, it takes confidence to get an education, get a job, earn a decent living, and buy the basic comforts in life - things that men who lack confidence seem to find difficult to do.


what about ''bad boys'' and the thugs,they get the ladies,but they don't have a good education, lousy job,if not in jail
or on welfare and they can't take criticism,just looking at them wrong,they want to beat you up.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

19 Jul 2013, 11:41 pm

billiscool wrote:
Fnord wrote:

Also, it takes confidence to get an education, get a job, earn a decent living, and buy the basic comforts in life - things that men who lack confidence seem to find difficult to do.


what about ''bad boys'' and the thugs,they get the ladies,but they don't have a good education, lousy job,if not in jail
or on welfare and they can't take criticism,just looking at them wrong,they want to beat you up.


Typically the most insecure women end up and stay with the bad boys or selfish types.



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

19 Jul 2013, 11:47 pm

Fnord wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Fnord wrote:
As much as some women may say that they want a man to share his feelings, most seem to want a man to share only their feelings of love, and express themselves through joy, peace, patience and kindness.

And yet they are not lesbians :scratch:

Non Sequitur.

I just meant that "most women" want men to be like "most women", in terms of the qualities you described in the above quote. It's unreasonable for them to expect that. But then, "most women" aren't great with reason. :twisted:



1401b
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,590

20 Jul 2013, 12:45 am

Evolutionarily speaking men were supposed to drive a spear into an animal, and not really bother worrying about how the animal felt about it.
Whether they were going to eat the animal, or just were preventing the animal from eating their wimmin and children.
Men were the shield and protectors - the rock wall safeguarding the vulnerable women, the children, and the weak.
They didn't think about their job, they just did what was necessary regardless of the costs to themselves.
They didn't question their job, they just killed the lion.

Men ARE confidence. Not the other way around. The definition comes from the behavior, not the other way around.
Technically it's not really that women like men with confidence - it's that women like men, and men are confidence.


_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus


JanuaryMan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,359

20 Jul 2013, 12:52 am

1401b wrote:
Technically it's not really that women like men with confidence - it's that women like men, and men are confidence.
I think sexual orientations have become a little more complicated than that over the last 2 million years.

This also sounds too simple in concept. Wouldn't that by default assume women just like men period and that all men are confident? Or are you talking about that concept where if a man isn't too society's mould then he is a boy?



Seventh
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 178

20 Jul 2013, 12:54 am

From my experience (I'm 34), often men - people generally - who lack confidence or have low self esteem end up doing things that hurt people in their lives. Insecurity and weakness can actually result in behaviours that hurt others. For example, lying, betrayal, aggressive or passive-aggressive behaviour. Also, people who lack confidence can be tiresome, for example if they constantly see themselves as a victim, blame others, whine a lot, are passive-aggressive or needy. This can be emotionally draining. I do empathize, however, I do not wish to have my energy drained. It's hard enough coping with my own issues.

By the way, I don't equate shyness or introversion as lack of confidence. A person can be an introvert and also be quietly confident with good self esteem. Likewise, a person can be outgoing and gregarious but lack self esteem and engage in antisocial behaviours. I think whenever people treat others poorly it is usually due to self esteem or confidence issues (unless it is due to some condition, such as being a sociopath or pathological narcissist).



ASDsmom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Apr 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 803

20 Jul 2013, 1:25 am

For me, a confident partner is one who will be able to take care of the family. One who is financially independent and capable. If a partner is insecure, that insecurity will spread in other parts of one's life which will have a huge impact on the rest of the family: employment (being a big one). I am responsible for my child and I need a partner who can be self-sufficient.

If insecurities do take place, lets hope it'll be from the non-dominant partner so the risk isn't as damaging. Someone's got to keep the flow going!



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

20 Jul 2013, 2:10 am

Same reason I don't like non-confident women: it's too much hard work dealing with all that insecurity. I try to only associate with people who are secure with themselves.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


motley
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jun 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 35

20 Jul 2013, 2:39 am

I like to feel safe and taken care of. That is much more likely if a man is confident, as he will be stable. Also, it suggests he is an alfa male, so biologically he is a good catch.


_________________
Please visit AspieWriters.com - a writing group for those on the spectrum (or others who believe they could benefit.)