Need advice on relationship with an NT. PLEASE

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I am currently in a relationship with a loving understanding NT women. I am finding it difficult to maintain this relationship as my need for space and ordered environment is no longer practicable. The innate differences of our natures is VERY frustrating. Has anyone been in similar situation? is it possible to maintain a relationship with an NT? Will I end up breaking her heart or social life and happiness? PLEASE HELP!

I wish that I could help. I had a successful relationship with an NT for many years, but eventually it ended. Most of the reason was due solely to him and issues in life that he was having, but another part of it was that he was tired of putting up with "the way I am." In the beginning of our relationship it didn't bother him that I liked to stay in most of the time, because he preferred that too, but towards the end he was wanting to go out and party almost all the time, and wanted me to come with him. That just wasn't going to work.

This does not mean that it will turn out the same way for you. It's really hard to give advice without knowing about the personality of your girlfriend. I think that if it is important to her to have a rich social life, then you need to respect that, just as she should respect your desire to not have one. Maybe plan the frequency with which you will join her, but for the most part she will need to understand that you will not want to come along.

I do know that open communication is always vital to a relationship's success. Please express your concerns with her and make sure that she feels comfortable to do the same, without an argument ensuing. You must both work to meet each others' needs, so let her know if that isn't happening. And be prepared if she says the same to you.

Thanks tree shadow.My partner Gen has a very open and understanding mind.I have been speaking to her recently about my concerns and she hers. I am scared because I don't think I could imagine a more perfect partner than he But due to my sensory issues I find close intimate contact very uncomfortable. I am aware of her needs and I am concerned that I cant meet them. This is very hard for me to talk about but I need some help. I love her and she loves me but I think due to my aspieness we are destined to separate. I want her to enjoy a happy life with children and normal close friendships and I don't think I can provide them, Thank you for your words I really appreciate your thoughts.

I am an NT with an Aspie fiancé. I respect his space and let him have is own time. I don't push social situations because I understand it something he cant always tolerate. We both compromise. I am an independent woman though. I don't need him at my side 24/7 but I do enjoy our time together. It depends on the NT. Most NT women want love and constant affection and their man to be with them wherever they go. I can go either way. I like affection and enjoying going out but not all of the time. I am pregnant and once the baby is born, I plan on spending some time with my family in another state so they can meet the baby. This will also give my love even more time to do his thing and get a break.

Also, I like affection, but not too much. I like my space too. I think this is why my fiancé and I work out so well. I respect his sensory issues and keep that in mind with intimacy and just everyday life situations. I know its hard to find an NT woman who is like this but we do exist. I hope it can work out for you two but it may not. You each deserve to be happy.

Thanks. Does anyone know how to overcome or cope with overwhelming sensory discomfort and intimacy problems. I like to be held tight but any soft touch feels uncomfortable?

My fiancé is the same way. I have to tried to get him used to it but he just cant. I just do what he likes and feels comfortable with. I like to rubbed a lot, he cannot figure out why I love it so much. I just love my feet, back, shoulders, etc rubbed. However, I don't like massages that are too hard, so I guess you can say I have certain sensory issues. Mine is very sensitive to touch so its hard for him to handle but he, like you, likes to be held. I am not sure someone can cope or get over it as I cannot stand too hard of a massage or tickling.

This has become a bit of a phobia now. I am scared when we go to bed of any touch that's not a hug. I worry if I cant make a relationship work with someone that tries sooo hard to understand work that I am never going to have love. I don't like being around people yet I get incredibly lonely I want to make this relationship work.

Just explain this to her. She will either understand and will respect your space or she will not. You will know then if the relationship is worth pursuing. My fiancé found me, lol! I am not your average NT woman though. I respect who he is and do everything I can to make sure he is comfortable and he does the same. If someone truly loves you, they will respect your phobias and love you for you.

Does anyone have opinions on living alone via with partner?

I asked my fiancé this and he says he would only live with someone if it was the right person, otherwise he would be alone. Do you mean live alone and still have a relationship?

I'm lucky in that my husband is very accommodating to me, and that we have a lot in common. He also has no problem socializing without me with the boys.

You don't have to provide everything, and meet every need with your partner. She can find friendships and happiness with/along with you, unless she has more demanding requisites of what you should provide. In a loving relationship, I wouldn't see that being the case.

we live together at the moment. I wonder if the relationship would work better if we lived separately

Thank you! So far so good! Would she be open to living apart?

I would personally want to live with my partner. However, I have a coworker who is married and she actually lives a couple of hours away from her husband, in their own separate houses. It was this way when they met, and they both like their houses and current jobs, so they have decided to just remain separate. They see each other every weekend and talk on the phone daily. It has actually worked out great for them. In fact when they start to spend too much time together at one of their houses they get on each others' nerves. Then they go back to living separately and they are like two happy love birds again. So for some people, I do think this is possible and maybe even better, but I would think it would be exceedingly rare. In most cases, one or both parties would miss the other person too much to stay apart like this.