Boyfriend using me? Or just forgetful?

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My friends think that my boyfriend is using me. I end up paying for everything, often without realising it.

For example, when we went to a pub and the drinks cost £11, he gave a ten pound note and the only money I had on me was a £10 note. Then he pocketed the change. This was also my birthday.

Other times, he will not have cash on him and then not pay me back.

I wouldn't mind if it was little, but this is costing me a fortune. I don't want to act like a bitchy girlfriend though if he is just forgetful.

He does pay his half of the rent etc and has a very well paying job.

Thanks

If he's just forgetful I won't see you as a nag if you just say, btw did you get change for that? or something along those lines he would be reminded and go, oh here you go and hand it to you. If he's using you he'll get defensive and be like, what are you accusing me of something?! If he isn't using you he should be ok with a discussion about it.

Sounds like it could become a serious issue if it hasn't already. I would ask myself, do I want to be with someone I can't have a frank discussion with about money? Because if I wasn't able to talk about it with him this is something that would potentially cause major problems in the future if we were living together and working out how to pay the bills etc.

Simple test: Leave your cash at home when next you two go to the pub. If he becomes angry with you for his inability to pay, then it's likely that he's using you -- taking it for granted that you will always pay his way.

If he shrugs it off and makes other arrangements, then he is likely not using you, and may just need to work on his memory skills.

...

I've used this test on people who seemed to be using me. Some have stopped pretending to be my friend after they've invited me out and then expected me to pay their bill (and I couldn't), some simply ignored the issue, and some were even concerned that I might have lost my job because I had no money with me -- those were the friends worth keeping!

If his job is better paid than yours then I think he should pay more than half. Still pay your bit though but a split in the middle will make you worser off and him better off.

Did he get you a birthday gift? You said he had you pay on your birthday and then pocketed the change.

Hi, that seem very clumsy on his part and perhaps selfish and uncaring, pocketing the change on your birthday.

If it hasn't been that long ago, maybe bring it up. And then, whatever apology he's able to give, graciously accept it.

But also, he has to start making efforts to turn over a new leaf.

No I think he's just a dick.

He's Dick from 3rd Rock From The Sun

reminds me of indian arranged marriage system where they gulp down loads of money and want other household items also in name of dowry

after i got married my hubby was living in my parents house, i was paying for the maintenance charges, i was paying for the grocery and he wass just living and having fun

it was after lot of fighting kicking him out of the house that he improved

be careful of this greedy men who use you for their gain....someday they may start stealing also.

Sounds a bit like he's using you. I second the suggestion about testing him.

But bring some money since you don't wanna get in trouble for stealing.

Sounds kind of fishy, especially since this happens often and predators can usually tell we are more vulnerable and trusting than most.

well, i've been reading articles and books about dating and they ALL say that a man will pay for more than half (like 60%) of everything if he feels committed to you. all of the men who were just dating me to get by were moochers. when i take money from someone, it's never an accident -- he was hoping you wouldn't notice.

I know him pocketing the change on the OPs birthday seems selfish but we don't know all the details like who's drinks cost more & did he offer to take her out or did she suggest going out. If she' s the one to suggest going out most of the times when she pays, he could assume that she's offering to treat him or maybe he doesn't really want to go & spend his money on that but goes along for her & figures she should pay for him sense he wouldn't be going & spending if she didn't want to go. If he's the one who's suggestoing going out when he's not paying; I think it's selfcentered of him. I'm wondering about the extra money he has. I'd feel more sympathy for him if he's doing something productive/usefull like paying back old debts, giiving some to parents or a family member to help em out, saving up so he can take some courses. But it's BAD if he's blowing it having fun.

Seems selfish. See what happens if you start refusing to pay for him, and if he asks why, tell him.

We don't know all the details but your friends do. Trust them, they are trying to look out for you. Dump him immediately.

I wonder how the reactions would be if genders were reversed.