Having a series of ex-gfs but still being a virgin...

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21 Feb 2014, 6:31 pm

Worse than being a blank slate with no relationship experience?

Especially if you really desperately wanted to lose it back then but couldn't get to that point ever?

Sometimes I got the feeling having no experiences is still way better for the mind and for the reputation than having nothing but bad experiences.

But anyway, this topic leaves me puzzled even after years, so I had to discuss this.

Ann2011
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21 Feb 2014, 6:52 pm

I imagine it would be vexing to have had the opportunity but missed it. In what way were you unable to "get to that point?"

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ezbzbfcg2
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21 Feb 2014, 6:52 pm

Did those girls consider you to be their boyfriend? Or maybe you think of them as girlfriends, but they never saw themselves as such.

Uprising
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21 Feb 2014, 6:55 pm

Ann2011 wrote:

I imagine it would be vexing to have had the opportunity but missed it. In what way were you unable to "get to that point?"

This ain't about me, it's just the concept that hits me deeply (of interest).

I'm glad I'm not in that position right now, that's all I can say.

aspiemike
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21 Feb 2014, 7:03 pm

I'm a firm believer that sex can cause a great deal of insecurity in relationships for either or both sides if it happens too early. Having been involved with people where things happened so quickly, the relationship didn't last more than three months (saying those were relationships are up to debate depending on what standards people have).
Sex before the commitment comes can easily trick you into believing that you are committed (the other may disagree that you are committed). When they want to play the field and you think that she/he is supposed to be with you can be devastating. Holding back on the sex and letting a relationship develop into some sort of commitment to eachother can ease the pain when the guy or girl walks away. Dont forget the communication and respect and understanding... those are the most essential parts to developing a healthy adult relationship, or friendship for that matter.

So the fact that you have had ex-gf's and are still a virgin tells me you are in a better position for a relationship over those guys who thinks sex is all that matters.

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Ann2011
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21 Feb 2014, 7:03 pm

Uprising wrote:

Ann2011 wrote:

I imagine it would be vexing to have had the opportunity but missed it. In what way were you unable to "get to that point?"

This ain't about me, it's just the concept that hits me deeply (of interest).

I'm glad I'm not in that position right now, that's all I can say.

So it's a hypothetical question. Well, I think that your suggestion that not having had the experience of dating is probably worse. Even bad experiences can be learned from. Although some are damaging.
But if someone's not ready for a relationship there's nothing wrong with not having one. So I guess I really don't know.

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Uprising
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21 Feb 2014, 7:18 pm

Ann2011 wrote:

Uprising wrote:

Ann2011 wrote:

I imagine it would be vexing to have had the opportunity but missed it. In what way were you unable to "get to that point?"

This ain't about me, it's just the concept that hits me deeply (of interest).

I'm glad I'm not in that position right now, that's all I can say.

I'm thinking of those cases where it leaves you with remaining damage that isn't psychological yet there for life, sticking out like a sore thumb for the public to see every day.

Ann2011
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21 Feb 2014, 7:59 pm

I don't understand what you're getting at. What would be visible to others?

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yournamehere
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21 Feb 2014, 11:07 pm

The bad... disease, child support, money out of pocket for prostitutes, and shame if you're no good at it.

The good... it has to be good in order to enjoy it.

headhunter228
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21 Feb 2014, 11:38 pm

Uprising wrote:

Worse than being a blank slate with no relationship experience?

As someone who is a blank slate with no relationship experience, I'd rather have a few meaningful relationships and still be a virgin as opposed to having no experience at all.

Besides, I've always felt like sex is a huge step in a relationship, only to be shared with someone very special. Don't feel bad for missing out if you don't think you've found someone special enough to share it with.

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22 Feb 2014, 1:17 am

aspiemike wrote:

When you're attached to a person, It's harder to let go.

Aspie1
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22 Feb 2014, 2:14 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:

Did those girls consider you to be their boyfriend? Or maybe you think of them as girlfriends, but they never saw themselves as such.

^This!^

I've been in such a situation my first year of college. Went on a date with this girl, who, interestingly, I felt zero attraction towards. But her actions resembled romantic interest, which completely threw me off. Ended up being a complete waste of two months of my time. I should have known right away she didn't like me, from the complete lack of physical intimacy with her, even the low-level variety, like hugs and kisses on the cheek. Heck, she wouldn't even hold hands with me while dancing! But I was so awed and dazzled by the possibility of being in my first-ever relationship, that I overlooked the obvious lack-of-interest signs.

Think about your past girlfriends. Have you done anything physically intimate with them, anything at all, but enough to differentiate your relationship with them from the mundane platonic friendship?

Last edited by Aspie1 on 22 Feb 2014, 11:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dillogic
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22 Feb 2014, 6:33 am

I fail to see the problem.

rabidmonkey4262
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22 Feb 2014, 8:17 pm

How does one claim to have girlfriends while still being a virign? I mean, sex is inherent to the definition of "girlfriend."

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