Not entirely sure I WANT a permanent relationship...

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All my life I was thinking that I wanted a man of my very own. I've been in relationships before, but I still was mostly alone because most of the men I've been were married or otherwise attached (don't judge me.) I haven't been with anyone in several years now. And until recently, I thought I wanted someone. And sexually, I KNOW I do.

But I started thinking about what being in an exclusive relationship entails -- sharing a bed and bathroom, having to make joint decisions on money and family matters, having to consider someone else when planning meals and vacations, having to answer to someone about when I eat, where and when I go, and what time I go to bed, how often I take a shower or clean house, having to deal with someone else's family issues, someone having to get used to my Aspieness without giving me a hard time about it. I'm really not sure that I'm cut out for all that.

Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone without all that being an issue?

Why can't you live apart?

Katherine Hepburn liked to say, "men and women are not well suited for each other, maybe they should live apart but drop in now and then."

That's the kind of relationship I want. But monogamous and long term one.
And I wouldn't want to participate in their social functions. (e.g. birthdays, weddings, holiday dinners, etc.) I just want to spend time with that person, but not with their families and friends. It would be too stressful for me.
I imagine it would be difficult to find someone who'd be ok with that.

Hey, I would, and I'm a guy.

I want something like that as well. I don't feel comfortable at all with sharing everything and growing together, it's suffocating if going too far. Besides, I don't want kids, I probably don't want to marry and I also probably wouldn't like to buy a house with anyone. I need space.

And such a relationship is possible, had several.

I guess the aspie world is divided between high-functioning social aspies and non-social aspies, and never the twain shall meet.

And this doesn't apply to men dating men and women dating women then?

it applies also to the whole @#$%&+=?! human race, for some of us.

I feel the same way.

I want someone I can be physically close to but I could not realistically live with them.

I don't think that's uncommon among younger people whether Aspie or not.

I agree. It's not necessary to 'live together' to be monogamous or exclusive. Most people would want a long & good history with somebody to want to move in together.
(I can see what the OP is saying though. I remember that my Mom (divorced for a long time) dated a few men over the years, (one at a time) & as she & they got older, there seemed to be pressure from men to move in together. She did not want to sell her house, & move in with them, nor did she want to have them move into her home. They each Did marry a woman who was willing to co-habituate. I guess that is what they wanted-? 24/7 companionship?

Only I'm not "younger people". I'm almost 54.



Good old Kate. Then again, she had a decades-long relationship with a married man (Spencer Tracy for those too young or too cinematically uninformed to know). But who knows? Maybe that's the reason -- she was in the same boat I am. Wanted a man, but couldn't bear to give up her independence. I think the reason I kept hooking up with married men is I knew they would never try to move in or try to boss me or want to get married or want me to bear a child for them.

Can't you have sex with someone without being in a relationship?

I have this belief that cohabitation is unnecessarily seen as a required part of a long-term relationship.

Yes, it is possible. The following may be of some interest.
"Not The Marrying Kind: 'A Modern Girl's Guide to Sex and Love' "
by Helen Croydon
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 37143.html
"Screw the fairy tale, it’s time to rethink monogamy. The current model of lifelong, cohabiting monogamous partnership has never been such an outdated ideal."
by Helen Croydon
http://www.newstatesman.com/lifestyle/2 ... k-monogamy
Related web sites: http://parttimelove.co.uk/ and http://parttimelove.net

Loosely related, and perhaps also of some interest.
"Why Marry?" Part 1: http://freakonomics.com/2014/02/13/why- ... o-podcast/
"Why Marry?" Part 2: http://freakonomics.com/2014/02/20/why- ... o-podcast/
"What You Don’t Know About Online Dating": http://freakonomics.com/2014/02/06/what ... o-podcast/

i think if i were ever to end up in a LTR in the future (which i feel is becoming more and more unlikely) i would have to either live separately or have my own space in the home that was off-limits to the guy (and he could have his own as well that was off-limits to me), and that guy would have to be able to not take it personally when i need to be alone in my space--which would be often.

as i said, doesn't strike me as very likely to happen.