Help me get some clarity regarding (relationship?)situation

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I had posted the actual situation before here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5616312.html

Gist: I like(have feelings) for my room-mate's girlfriend. She is/was "extremely" close to me(as a friend).

After a couple of months realizing the above, I went and told this to her directly and asked her to back off from telling me her personal stuff. She was having problems with her relationship at that time and I told(like a moron) if she wants to talk she can. She did talk to me and I gave her some sane advice. But she kept telling me her personal stuff(one-on-one conversation), things like her future plans etc.

I tried to maintain a healthy distance from her. She sorted things with her boyfriend. And then she neglected(not even a call/msg) me completely for about 2-3 months. During that time I started realizing that there has been actions from her end as well(like: she had messaged me that likes me and not to tell this to her boyfriend, she has many a times mentioned that she is more comfortable with me than her boyfriend and many many others). Finally when we got to talk again(I was a little pissed by then) I confronted her by mentioning that there has been actions(mentioning a few of them) on her part as well. To which her instant reply was "I do not know why I did that.". This got me very, very pissed off.

Which led to a series of 3 calls In which I made it clear to her to let me know why she did those things. When I did not get a clear picture and when I kind of got a hint that she is not a kind of person who takes responsibility for her actions, I let go of it. We were sporadically in contact(usually just exchanging niceties likes friends). About a month and a half later we(group of 5 friends) went out for a movie. She was acting very weird in a very obvious way. I asked her her why was she acting weird and did not get a good answer.

By the time I came back home, I got got a huge text from her. Gist: What ever happened with us is slowing hitting her in the head and she is feeling very low etc. I offered to call her in a couple of days she told she will call soon and never did. After a couple of weeks when I messaged her asking how she was doing, she said she still feels bad about certain things. I have told her she can call me when she feels like talking. Have not gotten a call yet. She is reluctant to call and talk.

What I feel right now is:
1] She was just flirting around with me when she was in a relationship.
and feel bad that I trusted this person.
2] I should have maintained more distance from her.

Am I right?

What I do not understand now is:
1] Why is she still feeling bad !?
2] Why does she not want to have proper conversation and sort it out?
3] Is she playing around with me/my feelings?

I am feeling a little confused and a little depressed from the situation (about 10 months since it started) and it's still not sorted. Also I really hope I am not obsessing about the situation.

I saw the other thread.

Like someone else said, you have a good friend who is worth keeping, and at the same time a business partner. Don't screw it up.

You and the girlfriend are both right about backing off and keeping a distance. Every relationship is a learning experience, and neither of you is clear and consistent about how to handle it. There's no need to blame. It's not really complicated and there's nothing to "sort." Some things are better left unsaid. Just learn from it and move on. And don't see her at all when the friend is away.

Unless she has a friend or a sister she can bring with her.

Hard to judge accurately from what you posted, but it sounds like you're being used as a doormat.

Some people will happily use the prospect of sex or romance (both sexes do this) to manipulate people into providing what they want. It sounds like this lady just wants a shoulder to cry on. I hope I'm wrong, but you might save yourself a lot of hurt by being a bit more cynical about this.

People are like that, no need to resent her or yourself for this. Move on and find someone better.

I don't know if it's just the way you are paraphrasing things here, but it sounds like you are being very confrontational with her about the situation.

I don't think I would really want to tell a guy that I liked him if the way he asked me was via interrogation.

What do you want to happen? Do you want her to admit she has feelings for you? It sounds like you want her to admit her feelings so that you can prove you were right all along rather than this being a way to discuss how you feel about each other.

Did you actually say "why are you acting weird?" that sounds like you are accusing her of something rather than encouraging her to open up and talk about how she feels.

I believe that your error is in making the assumption that she knows what she is thinking and doing, when that isn't likely to be true. Hormones and dating can confuse anyone, and many women have so many mixed messages and feelings in their heads that they are, essentially, constantly confused.

Sure, some women know from beginning to end how to play the game, but that is not a very high percentage.

When I was dating, I was always the confused girl sending out all the wrong mixed signals to the guys around me. I didn't mean to; I had no idea I was doing that. I was just living my own reality and trying to figure things out in my highly imperfect way. You should hear girls when they are talking together, trying desperately to sort out what guys are thinking and what they want for themselves.

So my thoughts are that if you still have feelings for her and hope to turn this at some point into a dating relationship, that you give her space. Tell her that despite everything you are still interested in her but that the current behavior is confusing to you and you are going to sit back, live your life, and let her decide what she wants.

If you don't want her around, or just want to rebuild the friendship, then the conversation goes a little differently. But, still, I think I'd put it into her hands and then move on with your life. There really is no point in second guessing her motives; by disengaging and leaving the decision to her to make, in a way you are refusing to play any sort of game and, thus, equalizing the power, IMHO.

Having been in a similar position before where the girl actually acted out on her feelings and never left the boyfriend.... I can say that your situation is probably not worth the headaches. I would just simply stop talking to her and just not reply to her when she messages you. Of course, that is me if I were in that situation. Secondly, I am sure she is a little hesitant to talk to you because it sounds like you are trying to analyze her every word and action as it pertains to what she tells you or does around you. No person I know, man or woman, likes this.

You may never get the closure you want on this situation. You may never get to talk to the person to have this issue dealt with. You are simply going to have to find a way to deal with this and move forward. And I wouldn't worry about being right about what kind of person she is.

Is this the only girl in the world?! ! To hear you talk about it, you'd swear she's the only female left. Sheesh.